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Just for laughs, what's the most ridiculous comment your ex has thrown at you during divorce?

(225 Posts)
Cherrypop99 Tue 11-Feb-20 16:14:15

Having watched "Marriage Story" last night, I had to chuckle as it seems that during a divorce, two people (who were once in love) seemingly always end up ripping each other to shreds!

I received a foul letter from my ex via my lawyer yesterday with wording that read : "As you are aware your client has a well-documented history of abuse, physical assault and harassment. As a result of her behaviour, your client has been advised by the police to cease all contact with me." No idea where this came from, but I cried with laughter!!

Oh.... the games we all play hey?!!! Anyone else got any funny divorce stories to tell?

***Light hearted thread***

Whynosnowyet Tue 11-Feb-20 16:18:44

My exh had his solicitor send me a letter requesting i take down my newly fitted blinds as he could no longer see through my windows!!

noego Tue 11-Feb-20 16:26:19

"I have to come up with five unreasonable behaviours and I can't think of any"

TwentyViginti Tue 11-Feb-20 16:27:52

Wow Whynosnowyet I bet nobody can top that! shock

Funkycats Tue 11-Feb-20 16:33:21

You'll never manage without me (said to me) I did, and continue to manage.
Via solicitor: Because of your client I have no home or relationship with my children (he took off with another woman and rarely turned up to see the children when he was supposed to)
Daft bugger!

HugeAckmansWife Tue 11-Feb-20 16:34:35

Not a one off phrase but basically the whole 'script' about how he'd been miserable for ages prior to cheating and leaving and later how I am obviously lazy - working a 40 hr week and having the children full time isn't enough.

UseBy2020 Tue 11-Feb-20 16:37:16

During an argument during the long wait for exH to actually leave after we agreed to divorce, he once blurted out: "You won't be able to get by without me!"

I had to turn away to avoid him seeing me almost burst out laughing. I was still BFing a small child and doing all the evening childcare, working a more than full-time job, completing a PG degree, doing all the housework and all the renovation in a new property. We hadn't had sex in more than a year and he was making no attempt to earn money. As far as I could see all he did was drink booze, play computer games, waste money on crap, and have sulky moods.

I managed to say something like:

"Well, I'm sure we'll both get along somehow. People do."

God knows what he imagined his contribution to be. I'm still non-plussed when I think about it donkeys years later. Maybe he was just repeating a line he'd heard in a film.

HuskyloverI Tue 11-Feb-20 16:37:49

"Everyone kisses other people on nights out"

"I was just having a bit of fun, whereas you're breaking up a family" (this was after 10+ infidelities)

"The children can live in my parents loft" (They didn't have a loft conversion and lived 350 miles from us and I had always done all of the parenting) confused

"Will you take £20k less than you're due from the house sale, as I can't afford it" (He was and still is, very well off)

"I can't afford to pay any child maintenance" (his salary was 6 figures)

"Sleeping with you was like shagging a corpse"

"I swear, I did not fuck your best friend" (he did)

"I did not assault you" (he did - twice)

cocodomingo Tue 11-Feb-20 16:42:26

You were a shit wife anyway.

He was unhappy for the last 8 years

I pushed him into the arms of another woman

I should go speak to other singles mums to see how they cope as I brought this on myself for not taking him back after see comments above and impregnating someone else [🤔]

Simonfromharlow Tue 11-Feb-20 16:43:55

That the decision to split was mutual. Yes, because telling your wife you don't love her and then moving out is totally mutual!

Frownette Tue 11-Feb-20 16:44:09

"For someone with your mental health problems"

My father had died, of course I was upset. He came and stood over my chair when he said this but I didn't say a word and stared at him unwaveringly. This really confused him because he was expecting a reaction.

But I knew by then I was leaving.

Xanadu58 Tue 11-Feb-20 16:45:37

One of the reasons my exDh put down was 'she didn't make my packed lunch for work '! Lol

poopbear Tue 11-Feb-20 16:52:22

Hahaha was he having a laugh with that packed lunch comment? That’s nuts

movingdilemma1234 Tue 11-Feb-20 16:52:58

'The thing is Moving that OW actually NEEDS me, you've always been so capable and I've every confidence you'll be just fine'

Yeh, two small children, one very sick and in and out of hospital, full time job and a long commute, studying, just moved to a doer uper house and knowing no-one ( at his suggestion) Yeh, dick head, you run along with OW 100 miles away as she NEEDS you

Whynosnowyet Tue 11-Feb-20 16:56:32

I would like to use it as a representation that irl a solicitor will write whatever their client asks - posters seem to tremble at the mention of' getting a letter 'from their exes solicitor when unless court ordered the letter is usually full of clap trap...

fannycraddock72 Tue 11-Feb-20 17:00:20

“Would you be able to print out a *photo for me? My printer is broken”

*The photo was of the affair partner

Blahblahblah12345 Tue 11-Feb-20 17:07:12

No ex H but ex Bf. Asked me for all the stuff back from my house that was his as he couldn't get closure as long as I had it...... it was shaving foam and a bottle of alcohol 😂😂

MyGhastIsFlabbered Tue 11-Feb-20 17:09:32

My ex once told me that the only thing he did wrong in our marriage was to not tell me all the things I was doing wrong

Originalusernameunavailable Tue 11-Feb-20 17:14:28

My exH state’s that he found it unreasonable that I asked him to hoover once on a Friday after our second son had just been born. He genuinely threw that back at me to justify why he had an affair.

MuseumOfYou Tue 11-Feb-20 17:20:56

My ex DH told me that he would take me to court and a judge would tell me I had to move out of the family home and live in an attic somewhere but I would be legally ordered to come round in the mornings, get DC to school and return later to do their tea and get them ready for bed so to allow him to continue in his VIP job. He was quite surprised when I told him this was unlikely to happen.

LadyLindaT Tue 11-Feb-20 17:23:56

I fled, terrified, in the night, with my small child.
I came back, later, to collect some of her things whilst he was out, and was accused, via his mad dog solicitor of having attacked the cleaning lady.
News to me that we ever had a cleaning lady.
To this day, no-one has every explained this one to me.

Hopingtobeamum Tue 11-Feb-20 17:25:29

Jesus, there's some Grade A arseholes out there

Spodge Tue 11-Feb-20 17:29:46

Not me, but the matrimonial solicitor in an office I worked in years ago got a letter from the other side which said, among other things:

Your client may keep the fish but not their tank

doublebarrellednurse Tue 11-Feb-20 17:30:16

My ex - when I started seeing someone new - flipped his lid one evening because I asked him to have his son.

It was his day to have him (Friday night of a weekend he was having him)

Because he was "doing me a favour so I could go off and have a dirty weekend".

I filed for divorce under unreasonable behaviour and won easily but he was so indignant and arrogant that he was doing me a favour by spending time with his own son.

He blew up at him (DS) once because he mentioned my new partner at his house. My son was 6, hadn't met the partner but knew of him. Ex screamed at him stating he was his dad.

He's an alcoholic and drank around his child but didn't see why that was a problem.

Changenames Tue 11-Feb-20 17:31:48

Ex was totally fed up with having to have his own DC during contact time which had been reduced to one night per week as his weekends were busy socialising.
Ex: can't have DC during the week anymore
Me: what?? so you don't want them during week or weekends now? What do you what to do with them then??
Ex: Don't know put them up for adoption maybe
Me : sure
I at this point didn't have the will to be dragged into the drama and was so fed up with the bullshit. I knew he was wanting a reaction from me.

Ex ran out of the house wailing that I was taking his DC away from him hmm

Previously ex had threatened to sue me for breaking up which was laughable as he was paying zero maintenance. He wasn't impressed when I said "go for it and you can sort out child support while you're at solicitors"
And the old chestnut "you'll never find anyone like me"
Fingers crossed grin

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