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DD's 9th birthday coming up - do I make a last ditch attempt at contacting her dad?

(4 Posts)
star1976 Sun 02-Sep-07 22:44:03

She cried about not seeing him recently as a mindee was talking about her dad and it made my DD upset (and broke my heart in the process).

Me and ex have not been together since DD was just 2, but she saw him fairly regularly (every other weekend unless he had a better offer) till she was 6 (so almost 3 years).

I went to CSA for assesment of what he was paying, and he hasn't contacted DD since (did send me a lovely text informing me of his decision). DD has sent xmas cards to him and his family but not heard from any of them (at all), even though I posted his parents our new address and phone number when we moved.

We are visiting my family and therefore will be near his family in 3 weeks for my DD's birthday.

DO I try and give them one last chance and hope that they acknowledge her this time?

I am happy for her not to have anything to do with him or his family, as she has a better family with DP and his family now anyway, but I know that it all does hurt her when she thinks of it. And I don't want her to think ever that I stopped her seeing her dad (even though wouldn't tell her now that I had tried contacting him or his family).

beller Mon 03-Sep-07 13:44:59

Hi Star..

Thia is horrible for your dh. Sounds like he didnt like the idea of his payments being assessed and did a runner? Thats terrible, and unfair to your DD. I would be tempted to let sleeping dogs lie, and she obviously has tons of love and support from you and your dp. Does she still ask about him now?

PregnantGrrrl Mon 03-Sep-07 13:50:24

i'd be tempted to try and make contact, but obviously not tell her about it. if she cried about it recently, it's obviously on her mind at some level.

do you talk to her about him and how she feels? even if he still refuses to be a Dad, talking things through with her may help her manage her feelings / understand that it's not your fault.

star1976 Mon 03-Sep-07 15:31:00

Ex was paying me a set amount each month and always made me feel like he was doing me a favour and refused additional help when I asked for it (which was very rarely).

I only really went to CSA so that I could know that what he was paying was fair, and he couldn't make out he was doing me a favour, and I wouldn't ask him for anything on top of that ever. Even though for all I knew the money could have gone down it was just to stop him making me feel like I was out for more than DD deserved. (As it happens it went up by £15.00 a week, hardly enough to warrant stopping seeing her over surely?).

DD doesn't know that that is why she no longer see's him. We have talked about it a few times but she always gets upset.

She used to get upset when it was his weekend to have her cause she didn't want to go (didn't like that because the new girlfriend was there all they did was go shopping and he never took her anywhere for her) and I think that she still thinks that that is why she doesn't see him?

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