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Somethign Casual

(68 Posts)
NewtoThis2020 Thu 06-Feb-20 21:31:34

So texting / sexing a guy on a dating app.
He's happy to meet, having a drink in a public place and that's all that's been agreed to.
He's keen to get me to his flat but a) I'm not sure how to progress, we both know what we want but what happens first time?
B) worried about my privacy / paranoid about camera / filming
C) I don't like the fact that I'm not in control if I go to his place

I can't meet him at mine, definitely no no.
So what do others do?

CalleighDoodle Thu 06-Feb-20 21:58:51

Dont do it.

MorningNinja Thu 06-Feb-20 22:00:51

Can you go to your place?

Are you 100% sure you want to do this?

Viviene Thu 06-Feb-20 22:03:34

Rent a hotel room so that you're both free to go when you want to?! Or is that not a good idea?

NewtoThis2020 Thu 06-Feb-20 22:23:45

@CalleighDoodle why not do it pls?

Hotel is fine but can become expensive?
Definitely not want to share my home details.

I am youngish free and definitely single but would like some uncomplicated attention/ fun.

CalleighDoodle Thu 06-Feb-20 22:26:16

Its not uncomplicated. You dont know him and going to either home isnt sensible. Try a hotel this time. Get there first.

NewtoThis2020 Thu 06-Feb-20 22:40:08

Ok I'm first going to meet him and then worry about it. If he pushes me or pressure me then I know it's not for me.

suggestionsplease1 Thu 06-Feb-20 22:48:29

You need good communication to clarify what you're both hoping for from meeting up. Try to get clear in your head what you want, how you see it working and then be clear about that with him. You can have a few face to face meets prior to anything physical to clarify this, see if he is the right person for what you're hoping for, and to discuss safe sex and stis. Tell a friend as well, especially if you're going to his.

NewtoThis2020 Fri 07-Feb-20 01:34:11

@suggestion thank you, I hadn't thought about a meal, perhaps that's a good idea.
Definitely not keen on going to his.
I need to trust him but not in my nature to trust people so quickly.

RantyAnty Fri 07-Feb-20 02:47:16

If he wants to get laid, he'll pony up for a hotel room.

NewtoThis2020 Fri 07-Feb-20 09:18:40

So do I 😊 and he's ok to invite me over to his, I can't invite him over nor do I want to go to his.

Notcoolmum Fri 07-Feb-20 10:28:57

You don't want to go to his. Listen to this instinct. Meet first somewhere in public and go to a hotel first time. Lots of cheaper options. Travelodge, premier inn etc.

NewtoThis2020 Wed 12-Feb-20 19:14:23

Right it appears I am going to his for a coffee on Friday. No pressure from
Him at all, I like him and instincts are saying it's ok.

What precautions/ any tips to make it a safer date?

yesterdaystotalsteps123 Wed 12-Feb-20 22:40:35

Erm, "nor do I want to go to his"
Now "I am going to his"
So if HE hasn't trampled this healthy boundary, who has? You haven't even met him yet and he's not respecting your boundaries already. I would say he is definitely not safe to meet

Peignoir Wed 12-Feb-20 23:03:55

Meet in public first to determine the attraction and then play it by ear. Perhaps suggest going half on a hotel? He may be reluctant to split the cost as he's invited you back to his. Always keep your friends or family informed of your whereabouts.

Baileysandcream Thu 13-Feb-20 00:06:43

What precautions/ any tips to make it a safer date?

Don't go to his house for a coffee on a first date, meet in a public place. Why is he suggesting you go to his for a coffee and not meet first at a coffee shop or pub?

You don't know anything about this guy, he might look nothing like his photo, he might be 20 years older. You put yourself in a very vulnerable situation if you go to house on a first meet up.

Please reconsider.

MashedSpud Thu 13-Feb-20 00:10:59

He could drug you/rape you/film you/invite his friends over while you’re unconscious.

Don’t go to his.

YasssKween Thu 13-Feb-20 00:11:06

You know going to a strangers house for a coffee is the same risk level as going to their house for dinner or drinks. By which I mean foolish in both cases.

You're going to a strangers house. Do you really think that's sensible for a first time meeting someone?

I hate to say it but you sound extremely naive. Is it really worth the risk? No.

TigerDater Thu 13-Feb-20 00:12:00

Meet for first time in public, make absolutely clear beforehand to him and in your own mind that sex is off the table at this point. If you both want to progress things after that, hotel for second meet. Please don’t go to his or get in his car on a first meet.

OldTownRoadHome Thu 13-Feb-20 00:12:18

Do NOT meet him for the first time ever at his.

At best the downside is you get there and in person you just don’t fancy him/connect whatever. He has some mannerism that puts you off and it’s awkward as hell

At worst, he’s a violent rapist and you get hurt.

It does happen, seriously please don’t go.

Hook ups are fine, casual is fine, but hotel t he first few time’s, so someone can hear you scream, and with a friend who knows where you are.

Confizzled Thu 13-Feb-20 01:07:00

If you must meet him at his on Friday (I Strongly suggest you don’t, try a coffee shop) Tell a friend or family member where you’re going and his name, do you 100% know his real name? make sure you leave your location on for someone to find you if needed.
Ask him to send you id and explain for safety, if he’s funny about it then don’t go.
Also if you intent to have sex then make sure you take your own protection and don’t reply on him.
It’s dangerous so be very careful. Keep your phone close at all times

DianaT1969 Thu 13-Feb-20 01:43:38

I don't understand why you went this route rather than dating him first? Dating can be casual. What's the rush to have sex with a stranger? If you had a daughter, what would you advise her?

Interestedwoman Thu 13-Feb-20 09:05:19

OP, you were only recentlysaying yourself that you know meeting him in a public place first is best. confused.

Are you that desperate for sex that you can't wait an hour or so to have a cuppa/wine or something?

NewtoThis2020 Thu 13-Feb-20 13:57:59

He's given me his address, he's sent me photos of him so he looks the same as profile.
I've done a search on address, nothing pops up.
He's not forcing me merely suggested his place. He did agree to coffee last week and I go cold feet and cancelled.
I don't have time for dating in the evening.
A friend know where and when I will be and I've said I'd txt her every 30mins and if she doesn't here me she can alert anyone she wants to.
I don't get bad feeling about this (apart when reading some of your comments!!)
we have a good rapport.
It's a flat, I could always ask him to leave the front door unlocked?
It's day time and I've said I have an hr for a coffee and that's it.

Ughmaybenot Thu 13-Feb-20 14:05:05

Why even ask? 🤦🏼‍♀️ you’re playing fast and loose with your safety here.

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