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How soon/long after starting dating someone would you expect to feel important to them?

(250 Posts)
CherryRedDocs Wed 05-Feb-20 20:08:45

As the title says.

This is someone I met in real life. I don't date generally and he says that he doesn't either.

We see each other most weekends and once mid week most weeks for some sort of context.

CherryRedDocs Wed 05-Feb-20 20:10:12

Sorry, it's just coming up to 3 months.

workinghard123 Wed 05-Feb-20 20:26:15

Now?

eggontoast2 Wed 05-Feb-20 20:28:48

Straight away if you are both mutually into each other and can see it going somewhere.

CherryRedDocs Wed 05-Feb-20 20:29:45

Yeah, that is what I thought.

I don't think I am important to him.

Time to end it then, I guess.

Interestedwoman Wed 05-Feb-20 20:32:47

@CherryRedDocs Everyone's different. How do you feel about how it's progressing? What sort of things does he say about how he's feeling about the relationship/you? Does it seem like you're on the same page? These things can take time I suppose. x

CherryRedDocs Wed 05-Feb-20 20:33:43

We had a chat at about 6 weeks or so when we both said it was a bit of a shock to the system after being single for so long. He said he wanted to just "see where it goes". And I was happy with that at that time.

But now, I'm less so. I want a boyfriend or to be single. I'm not interested in some meaningless longer term 'dating' situation.

I need to tell him that though. I can't just end it with a "it's not working for me" because we have mutual friends and run in similar circles so our paths will cross. And I don't think he's done anything wrong, I just dont think he's that into me.

I just don't know what to say.

eggontoast2 Wed 05-Feb-20 20:36:42

Does he know you want a boyfriend/partner rather than something casual?

CherryRedDocs Wed 05-Feb-20 20:37:58

What sort of things does he say about how he's feeling about the relationship/you?

He doesn't say anything at all.

He treats me well; takes me out; has introduced me to his friends; showed an interest on meeting mine etc. But i have no idea what he thinks about me.

I cant even bring myself to say i don't know how he feels because I'm not sure feelings come into it.

I know that actions are supposed to speak louder than words and his actions seem positive but words? I have no idea. I don't even know if he regards me as his girlfriend or not.

CherryRedDocs Wed 05-Feb-20 20:39:34

Does he know you want a boyfriend/partner rather than something casual?

I don't know. And I don't know how to tell him.

CherryRedDocs Wed 05-Feb-20 20:42:59

I feel I need to have a conversation with him but I don't know where to start.

If this is just teething troubles and he wants to be with me then great. If he's not really fussed either way, I'd rather walk.

When I initiated the conversation 6 weeks ago, he was lovely - kind and affectionate - and said afterwards he'd been a bit concerned i was going to end it.

But that was then.

CherryRedDocs Wed 05-Feb-20 20:44:27

I suspect that if I approach it with a 'boyfriend or single', then I'm going to walk away single 😢

workinghard123 Wed 05-Feb-20 21:12:58

I don’t agree with your summary at all. It sounds very positive, especially as you have mutual friends. He sees you most weekends!

I would be tempted to see if he would be keen to have a weekend away / night away. If you are happy then I can’t see a big rush to agree to be boyfriend / girlfriend

CherryRedDocs Wed 05-Feb-20 21:21:54

Last weekend, I suggested going to something that would require an overnight stay. We haven't booked it yet but wouldn't be able to go until March. He seemed quite keen and thought it was a good idea to stay overnight too.

We just don't really speak in between seeing each other. We might phone each other once a week but only really message to arrange seeing each other.

Tbh, I feel like if someone doesn't know if they want me to be their girlfriend after 3 months, then they don't and are just kicking the can down the road for a bit.

CherryRedDocs Wed 05-Feb-20 21:23:39

If you are happy then I can’t see a big rush to agree to be boyfriend / girlfriend

I guess I'm not happy. That's the point. I dont like the uncertainty.

No one knows how a relationship will work out but to not even know if you're in a relationship...

CherryRedDocs Wed 05-Feb-20 21:25:40

I suppose I just dont know if I mean anything to him at all.

stakeholderwizz Wed 05-Feb-20 21:27:46

I'd ask him directly not an Internet forum tbh

CherryRedDocs Wed 05-Feb-20 21:32:43

Yes I know I need to do that. I'm just not sure what to say.

Ashsummer Wed 05-Feb-20 21:36:42

Go with your gut. It sounds from what you say that something doesn't feel right.
You deserve someone to adore you and if you're questioning it or your gut is making you feel sick then listen to it

Tbh you shouldn't have to ask him, he should be open with you and tell you how much he cares for you.
Even if he's not big into heart on sleeve honesty is this something you are ok with?

Personally I need someone who is open, direct and knows what he wants and does everything to make me feel special

CherryRedDocs Wed 05-Feb-20 21:47:39

I think I'm just going to end it.

I really, really don't want to but I don't really think i have a choice.

Personally I need someone who is open, direct and knows what he wants and does everything to make me feel special

Yes, I think that's what I'd need to.

joystir59 Wed 05-Feb-20 21:48:53

We knew Wed get married before we had our first date.

Newnamewhodis1 Wed 05-Feb-20 21:52:24

Tell him how you feel then say 'and how do you feel?' it's not difficult! Don't be a wimp and end it before you've talked.

Newnamewhodis1 Wed 05-Feb-20 21:56:16

Tbh you're being ridiculous. You don't know how he feels because he hasn't told you but you're not willing to tell him how you feel! You 'dont know where to start' or 'what to say'. He's introduced you to his mates. you hang out lots. Get a grip woman and just TALK TO HIM

Newnamewhodis1 Wed 05-Feb-20 21:57:01

And you want someone open and direct but you are being neither! I despair at these threads.

Ashsummer Wed 05-Feb-20 22:18:24

You're not being ridiculous. Stick to your guns. You need to be with someone you feel comfortable with who you can tell openly how you feel.
He's not that in to . I've been there and it's not worth it

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