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cant stop thinking about marriage!!

(21 Posts)
juicychops Fri 31-Aug-07 14:14:36

Went to my dp's sisters wedding on Saturday and it was perfect and brilliant and seeing them being so in love has just made me think about marriage so so much over the last week and its driving me nuts!

i definately do want to get married one day and definately to dp. up until a few months ago he has said he can see us getting married in the future.

then few months ago he said he honestly cant see himself ever getting married again. (he's still married to his ex the split 2.5 years ago)

i dont want to get married tomorrow, or in the next few years, but i want to know i will get married one day. I dont want to be his girlfriend forever. I want to be a wife and know how it feels to have a husband


am i being stupid now or is this normal after going to a brilliant perfect wedding?

Biglips Fri 31-Aug-07 14:17:05

same here too. I'd like to get married to DP but gotta wait for him to say "lets go and get married now!" grin (weve been engaged for 3 yrs - both first time got engaged)

Biglips Fri 31-Aug-07 14:17:38

my cousin is getting married in a castle next month so im gonna check it out when im there

beansprout Fri 31-Aug-07 14:19:55

It's very usual. We actually decided to go for it after going to a friend's wedding!

juicychops Fri 31-Aug-07 14:23:45

i even joked and said does this make you want to get married again, expecting a no or ha ha back, but he just said stop with all the questions!

Caroline1852 Fri 31-Aug-07 14:27:13

WHY do you want to get married? Surely not just for the party/dressing up/frolicking around a castle?

juicychops Fri 31-Aug-07 14:34:40

no definately not for that. i dont want a big or even small fancy wedding. I just want a marriage to my dp with close family and friends there to see. None of the outfits or big dress or anything like that, im not really that sort of person.

i want to get married because i want to be more than a girlfriend i want to make that commitment to dp that i will love him forever and be with him forever. He told me how different he felt as soon as he got married and how much more he loved his 'wife' it just made everything more. I want to know how that feels with him

chocchipcookie Fri 31-Aug-07 14:36:31

I think it's very normal - it's formalising your relationship infront of the people you love.
Maybe the fact that your dp is still married is part of the issue for you as well. I wouldn't like that!
Tell him to get his act together and sort it out?

juicychops Fri 31-Aug-07 14:43:11

i dont like the fact he is still married, but because i dont want to get married for a good few years yet it doesnt bother me all that much and would rather he got it sorted at his own rate instead of me 'nagging' him about it. well thats how he would see it as!

chocchipcookie Fri 31-Aug-07 14:45:03

What does he say is stopping him from getting divorced?

LaDiDaDi Fri 31-Aug-07 14:50:35

I think it's really normal, or at least it's how I often feel too!

juicychops Fri 31-Aug-07 14:51:23

ive only ever brought it up twice in the 1.5 years we've been together. i dont really understand the ins and outs of it but for some reason its cheaper or works out better for some reason if he waits for her to divorce him rather than him divorce her. Something like that i dont really understand. he also says it not top of his list of priorities at the moment.

I also think its something emotional to do with the fact that once they are divorced their boys will officially have divorced parents. His boys are a very delicate subject

tissy Fri 31-Aug-07 14:57:31

I think that divorce is more straightforward if you go down the "lived apart for 2 years" route. This is what dh did.

TBH, I'd leave it, and keep your fantasies to yourself at the moment. Maybe dp was feeling a bit of a failure at the wedding, and didn't want to be reminded about how his marriage went wrong. It could be a bit like rubbing his nose in it, and then you go and suggest that he should get married again.

My dh said that after his first wife went off with someone else he didn't want to be married ever again. After his divorce came through, he changed his mind pretty soon grin

Biglips Fri 31-Aug-07 14:59:35

yeah i think i would leave it for a bit and i agree with Tissy too. Dp proposed to me after 3.6 yrs together...(we've been together for 7 year in Dec this year)

Caroline1852 Fri 31-Aug-07 14:59:36

Juicychops - the court fees will be the same whether he gets divorced now or in 2 years' time. If they have been living apart for 2 years they can divorce on grounds of 2 years separation as long as they both consent. The court fees are only about £150. He should do it today.

Biglips Fri 31-Aug-07 15:00:02

but fingers cross for you though smile

juicychops Fri 31-Aug-07 15:03:04

thanks everyone. Think i will leave it for the time being and maybe approach it in a few weeks. Hes feeling a bit down at the moment so dont want to start bringing up stuff like that

ally90 Fri 31-Aug-07 16:33:39

I was obsessed by the idea, just wanted that ring on my finger and make him MINE.

Bored now.

Not of him of idea of marriage!

Caroline1852 Fri 31-Aug-07 16:37:37

Ally90 - he is probably obsessed with the idea of marrying you now! Human beings are so complicated.

ally90 Sat 01-Sep-07 15:35:48

oops! didn't make that clear...we are married now!

You should have heard proposal 'well if we're having children we had better get married'. And no, it wasn't in a 'i'll just drop it into the conversation and surprise her way'. Just a practicality! He's soooo romantic (not)

thegirlwithnoname Sat 01-Sep-07 15:47:40

Juicychops I know how you feel, I have been with my partner for 20 years, and engaged for 19 of these, but dp says that he asked me to get engaged not married, and doesn't ever want to get married, it makes me feel so sad.

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