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I need to stop thanking them for holding their own baby

(23 Posts)
Dryshampooagaintoday Sun 19-Jan-20 02:07:40

I’m not sure if it’s just me here, but I always find myself thanking my SO, father of my child, partner, OH or whatever else we call the person we’ve decided to grow old with when he takes the baby.
I mean, after a 7.5hours being alone with a little version of yourself, juggling the numerous tasks you’ve got listed your other half comes home from work, you hand baby over to have your first wee of the day and say first thing the comes out of your mouth is ‘oh thanks for taking the baby’. As if he’s doing you a favour! Perhaps it’s the pressure I’ve put on myself that ‘I will be independent, look after a newborn baby and be able to be a strong 21st century woman and mother’ but I need to stop thanking him when he takes the baby, I mean it does take two to tango and little baby is 50% him after all.

allnight Sun 19-Jan-20 02:11:25

I agree smilethanks

KylieKoKo Sun 19-Jan-20 02:13:36

I actually think that showing appreciation in a relationship is important and not a bad thing . I hope he appreciates what you do toom

AmelieTaylor Sun 19-Jan-20 02:16:39

Plus it’s somewhat insulting to be thanked for holding your own baby. I’m surprised he hasn’t snapped by now!

But you seem to be putting yourself under FAR too much pressure. The baby will be fine on the floor, in a Moses basket/cot etc

While you wee/shower/do some jobs. They do not need holding every minute they’re awake. They need downtime too!

Ishotmrburns Sun 19-Jan-20 04:41:55

I do this, but then my DH and I thank each other for stuff like this all the time. We do it to show appreciation for each other. We found it helped us both feel like we recognise how much the other does since the baby came along and turned out world upside down.

It works for us but I can understand that it wouldn't work for everyone.

RubaiyatOfAnyone Sun 19-Jan-20 05:26:40

I know what you mean, although agree with pp that thanking is nice in a relationship, and hopefully he thanks you too.

I try to remember not to be cringingly grateful when anyone gives me 5 mins respite from dd2. In particular, i remember with admiration another nursery mother when dd1 was a baby - i was busy apologising a dozen different ways because dd had a slight cold and hadn’t slept well and might be cranky. Another mother arrived and interrupted me to announce cheerfully (Australian accent) “He hasn’t slept at all so he’s gonna be a little shit. Still, he’s your problem for the next eight hours. Bye, sweetheart.” And off she swanned. I felt definite attitude-envy...

AllideasAndNoAction Sun 19-Jan-20 05:45:56

I agree with you, but this post is weird. It reads like a blog post.

June705 Sun 19-Jan-20 06:02:52

Why are you not having a wee all day? confused I'm always confused by posts like this

user1481840227 Sun 19-Jan-20 12:30:18

Does he thank you for stuff?

yellowallpaper Sun 19-Jan-20 15:00:19

I would definitely stop the 'thanking' because it gives the impression they are doing something for you which is unusual. I'd say something like, baby has been waiting all day for a cuddle from you, look at the gratitude! (Sarcastic)

LazyYogi Sun 19-Jan-20 15:08:57

Agree about not thanking the other parent for being a parent but really just put baby down for 60 seconds and have a wee. Make it 120 seconds and grab some water too. You will do your child no favours if you end up I'll with dehydration or bladder infection from not looking after yourself.
I say this as a FTM to a 7 week old. Yes sometimes it means he cries but we're both better off with me being healthy.

category12 Sun 19-Jan-20 15:11:34

Yes, if you're really not pissing all day, you'll get a UTI.

CandyFlossSkies Sun 19-Jan-20 18:25:06

It really depends on the person. Sometimes thanking people reinforces nice behaviour you would like to see more of and makes them feel valued.

HOWEVER, if you say thank you like this to someone who has narcissistic tendencies or is resentful, it can really inflame their ego.

Also, it can send the message that the other person is doing you a favour, like you're concerned about. I think mums should be aware of this because apparently women still do the majority of housework and childcare. He shouldn't be helping you, but he should be working with you. It should be a duty rather than a favour.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation Mon 20-Jan-20 02:30:23

I don't think thanking people is a bad thing in any close relationship. I thank my son a lot - "Oh thanks for doing the pots love, I can get dinner on asap now." And once we've eaten, he'll say "Thanks for that mum, I really enjoyed it."

I think problems arise when we are so over-effusive that the other person starts to think they are doing you a favour rather than just what they should be doing.

stellabelle Mon 20-Jan-20 03:38:30

Surely " thanks" is just a normal thing to say ? In my family we all say thanks as a matter of course. It makes everyone feel good !

Topseyt Mon 20-Jan-20 07:19:59

It's just a normal thing to say. Wouldn't occur to me to stop or to make an issue of it and I'd still expect him to hold his own child.

Of course you can put the baby down to go to the toilet during the day. Even if they scream. I used to and mine certainly aren't mentally scarred by it.

northernknickers Mon 20-Jan-20 07:55:41

I just cannot get past the fact that you are so consumed by your baby, that you're not meeting even your most basic needs!!

You should probably be thinking more about that, than whether or not to say 'thank you'. (Which is also odd...this over analysing!!)

Just put the child down ffs!!

Really quite bizarre 😦

category12 Mon 20-Jan-20 12:58:17

Yes, you just put them down on a towel on the floor and sing to them from the bog.

SleepingStandingUp Mon 20-Jan-20 13:34:48

I have 5vweek old twins who spew a lot and a water infection. Definately put the baby down, go pee and get a drink.

SleepingStandingUp Mon 20-Jan-20 13:44:12

Re thanking, I think it depends how you thank them and what else you'd thank them for. Id say to DH "can you take T1 please" but only cos I'm holding him and therefore giving him to someone else is doing me a favour. Also its just a way of initiating the handover. If its been a bad day I might just say "here" and dump them 😂😂 it isn't an "oh thank you, you're so kind and generous for relieving me of my pukey burden of joy and light", it's just "I need you to do this, now, and I have manners"

Ilovefishcakes201 Mon 20-Jan-20 13:48:18

Or I help around the house and the kidshmm

BigusBumus Mon 20-Jan-20 13:48:59

Put your baby in a bouncy chair thing (one with handles that you can carry about) and put her on the floor and chat to her whilst you wee, do the washing up, clean the bath, eat your lunch or whatever. You don't need to be holding your baby all day! And if it cries, remember the wisest words anybody ever told me -"No baby ever died of crying".

But yes i get what you mean about the thank you thing. My DH often says things like, " I unpacked the dishwasher FOR YOU", or "I hoovered FOR YOU" It drives me insane and i physically have to stop myself from saying Thank you, as we both live in this house and work full time!

Abouttimemum Mon 20-Jan-20 13:49:11

We thank each other all the time for a variety of things because it’s common courtesy.
What I do hate is people talking about their OH ‘helping’ with childcare. He’s not helping, he’s parenting.
Also yeah just go and get a wee!

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