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Breaking up when pregnant - advice please!

(3 Posts)
Mummsnett Tue 14-Jan-20 20:10:36

I am a few months pregnant and have a 2 yo with OH. He's a nice guy, but in the last year I've felt like we weren't the right match for each other. We don't have the same sense of humour or interests, and while that's not the end of the world I had begun to feel lonely and dread going home to a silent house. I became disengaged and stopped trying to communicate, while at the same time he started putting in his earphones in the evening and listening to music. He was on his phone constantly whereas I felt like I was carrying out the majority of the childcare and household tasks. I felt the pressure of everyday life with zero let up... Couldn't tell you the last time I laughed out loud. I tried to break up with him in the summer, but let myself be talked out of it. I kick myself for that now. We lead extremely busy lives, both working FT with long commutes so that by the time we get home in the evening we've done a 12 hour day and that no doubt played a part in us growing apart. Over the last couple of months it really became too much and all I could think about was getting out. At the start of January I told him I wanted to break up. He's completely shocked and heartbroken and we're now dealing with the fall out, while getting our heads around coparenting and preparing for a new baby. It's a complete f-ing mess and I'm so stressed by it all. Part of me wishes I hadn't said anything and just continued on, it would have been easier. But then another part of me thinks how exhausted I was and how shit the situation had become. I should have sat down and chatted to him rather than this huge knee jerk reaction, I know that, but God this is awful.
Has anyone any experience of a similar situation that turned out okay or any words of wisdom? Some optimistic thoughts needed!

foggymummy Tue 14-Jan-20 22:48:26

I'm in a similar situation with a 1 and 3 year old. I'm the one who's broke things off for similar reasons and I feel terrible. We are still living together while things are sorted hut he hates me and there is no communication between us. Despite how crap things are I still feel better than i did in a marriage that was miserable. I can only say trust your gut and things will turn out in the long run. Send me a message if u want to chat x

hellsbellsmelons Wed 15-Jan-20 09:35:28

Could you try come couples therapy or counselling?
Could you sit down and tell him exactly what you have told us?
Only do this if you think there is anything worth saving.
If not then you need to carry on with the separation.
How many weeks pregnant are you?
Will you be able to continue to work 12 hour days with 2 DC as a single parent?
You really need to look at how you are going to do this.

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