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It’s my birthday on Friday.

(62 Posts)
PhilCollinsFingerWag Tue 14-Jan-20 19:45:45

.....and I’m, as usual, not looking forward to it.

Apart from dh, it brings back the fact that my birthday means nothing. It’s as if I don’t exist to some people.

My mother, before I went NC, always either ‘forgot’ my birthday, or caused problems around the date, making sure she upset me in a big way, especially more so if it was a significant milestone birthday.

I was always on the outside looking in as far as family goes, my sisters and my Mother on one side, me on my own on the other side of the glass, as Dad did as he was told.

And as if it wasn’t enough, I have a colleague who does the same.
She acts as if my birthday doesn’t exist or isn’t important enough, changes the subject if another colleague mentions my birthday.

As she is the birthday card buyer/giver, I have to wait until the very last minute before leaving work before she gives me my birthday card and that’s after everyone has gone home.

Just what am I doing wrong to these people, family and colleague?


My birthday is a constant reminder that I am worthless, unimportant and unloveable.
Sorry if this sounds stupid, I’m 54 fgs.

Mintjulia Tue 14-Jan-20 19:50:36

Regardless, have a brilliant birthday on Friday. Claim to be poorly, go home early, lie in a warm bath with a glass of something nice, and snooze for half an hour.
Any excuse for a little bit of joy. cake

3rdchristmaslucky Tue 14-Jan-20 19:50:40

Your 54, worthy, important and loveable.

Treat yourself for your birthday. Change the script. Make it a day for you ❤️

category12 Tue 14-Jan-20 19:51:03

Can you pre-empt the woman at work? In my office, the birthday person tends to bring in buns/sweets, so people end up fussing round for cake and wishing happy birthdays etc.

FairyBatman Tue 14-Jan-20 19:53:35

You amazing woman! Take the day off (play hooky) drink wine at lunchtime and buy yourself a treat! Make your birthday wonderful for yourself and screw what anyone else thinks!

Cream5 Tue 14-Jan-20 19:55:45

I agree with @category12.

Buy cakes for the office in the morning, people will wish you happy birthday.

Manage your own expectations. I expect nobody to remember my birthday, so i remind them loudly if i want a fuss grin the cakes will help with that.

Ask a friend to meet for a birthday dinner to celebrate.

Or like others say, just spoil yourself. Order something nice off the internet to arrive that day for yourself.

MikeUniformMike Tue 14-Jan-20 19:57:51

Plan a weekend away to somewhere romantic or a day out somewhere nice with your DH for the Saturday. Unless he has already planned something.

Take cake into work on your birthday but don't offer any to your colleague.

You are nearly 54, sod your mother. Have a great day.

Marlena1 Tue 14-Jan-20 19:58:26

You are very important and lovable!!! Sounds like you are just not surrounded by nice people. Make sure and do something nice for yourself on the day, you deserve it! If we rely on other people we'll often be disappointed. Happy birthdaycake

Marlena1 Tue 14-Jan-20 20:01:06

The colleague also sounds like she has serious issues btw, just be glad you're nothing like her. The cake idea is brilliant!

MyuMe Tue 14-Jan-20 20:03:17

Apart from dh, it brings back the fact that my birthday means nothing.

I don't have a DH or a DP.

Single and no children.

I didn't get anything for my last birthday and it was a landmark one.

I was at work.

Chin up and enjoy your day with your DH.

JoJothesquirrel Tue 14-Jan-20 20:03:45

Birthday twin tcrsmile

KnowBetterDoBetter Tue 14-Jan-20 20:14:01

Birthday triplets! grin

I'm doing nothing special for mine, single parent - though 4yo DD has promised me she's hidden me the best card ever that she made at after school club smile I'm getting the fanciest snacks, making sure I have fresh bedsheets, nice bath stuff and a mountain of books, have booked the day off work and will have six hours of bliss whilst she's at school, then we'll go out for dinner somewhere, just us two. I can't wait! It is what you make it. Hope you find some way to enjoy it thanks

scater Tue 14-Jan-20 20:16:17

Totally agree with others - make it about you and enjoy it.

My mum died the day before my birthday when I was young and after years of finding it tough I make no bones about the fact that it's a day to celebrategrinI think about my mum all the time and enjoying my birthday doesn't mean I loved her less.

I promise, if you take control of the day and decide it's about you (and cake for everyone else) you'll have a fab day and take the control away from that woman.

snoopy18 Tue 14-Jan-20 20:16:41

Why don’t you treat yourself instead? I always make sure I do something nice for my birthday or gift to myself because I have a lot of people around me who also aren’t fussed on birthdays. Not their fault but I love making a fuss for people’s birthday so I make sure to do it for myself too 😋

chocolatelover9 Tue 14-Jan-20 20:17:48

Ignore them and have a lovely day friday! Happy birthday hun 🎉🎂

loopery Tue 14-Jan-20 20:18:04

Happy birthday! Maybe treat yourself to a new job!

sauvignonandcheesecake Tue 14-Jan-20 20:20:21

And also it sounds like your DH cares - not everyone has that so concentrate on those who care and not those horrid people who don't - maybe plan a takeaway or a meal out together. Have a wonderful day!

PhilCollinsFingerWag Tue 14-Jan-20 20:25:02

Good idea with the bringing in of cakes and talking loudly.

I won’t be in on Friday, tomorrow is my last day in, so my birthday card will be given to me (very last thing) tomorrow before I leave.
I can buy some stuff on the way to work.

I wouldn’t bother if it was just my colleague, it wouldn’t have been mentioned on here, but as it was my mother who did this, then my colleague, I can’t help but feel how I’m feeling.

@MyuMe, sorry 💐.

@JoJothesquirrel happy birthday for Friday 🎂🎂

category12 Tue 14-Jan-20 20:31:41

Great grin. Go in with a bounce in your step, happily giving cake largesse to all, and you'll set the mood and have a better day than you would otherwise.

Cauliflowerpower Tue 14-Jan-20 20:32:45

Well you're obviously NC with your mother for good reason so please try to discount her view on it all.

Buy the biggest fuck off cake you can tomorrow and bear proudly and loudly into work tomorrow! Make sure everyone knows it's from you for your birthday especially Vera the viper!

Enjoy 🥂🍰🎂🍰🎂

scater Tue 14-Jan-20 20:46:54

#takebackthebirthday OP if other have made it shit, you decide it will be good.

I'm sorry your mum was such a dick, you deserve better x

scater Tue 14-Jan-20 20:47:29

Apologies for typos blush

Todayisontheup Tue 14-Jan-20 21:04:25

Happy Birthday for Friday @PhilCollinsFingerWag, I agree with @category12 suggestion.

I suspect these nasty people feel that this means something to you and want an opportunity to make you feel bad, which says a lot about them! Own it, don't wait for them.


Alysanne Tue 14-Jan-20 21:21:53

Your mother sounds alot like mine. Cutting her out of my life was the best thing I ever did. Needless to say my partner makes sure I enjoy my birthday. Nothing fancy but he makes sure I'm loved and that's what matters. Don't let your mother spoil your birthday, she's not worth

As the other posters have said enjoy tomorrow. Bring cakes and sweets in and have fun. Don't let anyone bring you down...some people just like being dicks and aren't worth your energy.

Remember to treat yourself on Friday and have a great birthday. smile x

Kwkwjwkek Tue 14-Jan-20 21:25:15

It’s exactly the same with’s like no one can make the effort for you.

On the positive note, you’re here and alive. I recently lost someone close to me who was 33 and he’ll never have a birthday again.

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