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How do I tell him I don't like the way he kisses?

(38 Posts)
Whateveryoudoordontdo Tue 14-Jan-20 17:32:42

I've posted about this from a slightly different angle before and most people said dump him, it will never improve.

I now know that I really really like him, he's lovely and supportive and funny and kind and handsome and all that jazz. I've been away for a few weeks, we've spoken daily and got really close. We're meeting up at the weekend and I can't wait to see him, but I am not looking forward to the kissing. Too much tongue! And I have to wipe my chin afterwards! I'm going to have to deal with it somehow because I usually love kissing and I want to love it again. There's no way I'm going to dump him.

So what do I do? What should I say? Any advice?

3rdchristmaslucky Tue 14-Jan-20 17:34:51

I've done the same with my partner in the past. He's perfect, but Christ was he an aggressive kisser.

Tell him how you like to be kissed. Show him how you like to be kissed!

The worst that will happen is he will be embarrassed but shit it's worth it for the sake of progressing ❤️

Whateveryoudoordontdo Tue 14-Jan-20 17:38:18

You make it sound so easy! Just tell him. There's a thought...

Redland12 Tue 14-Jan-20 17:44:30

I totally understand, I love kissing too, it’s such a turn on. I think you need to tell him, show him what you like. 🌺

3rdchristmaslucky Tue 14-Jan-20 17:46:52

It's really the only way to go about it. You can try retraining him and being subtle but at the end of the day if you want something you've got to ask for it.

Like I said, I've been there. Just be sensitive and not insulting.

"I really love hanging out with you, you're great. However, I prefer a little bit less tongue when kissing. Is this something you would be comfortable with?"

3rdchristmaslucky Tue 14-Jan-20 17:47:26

"something like this..." Kiss the tits Offa him.

Whateveryoudoordontdo Tue 14-Jan-20 18:08:22

Sounds brilliant. I'm going to do just that. Scary but has to be done. Thank you!

ScreamingLadySutch Tue 14-Jan-20 18:11:00

You tell him.

Then you show him

the biggest turn on

3rdchristmaslucky Tue 14-Jan-20 18:12:56

Good luck! I can't imagine you're going to need it though. Just gotta knock his socks off ;)

MrsMcGarry Tue 14-Jan-20 18:13:11

Just tell him.

I did it (though his issue was that he perched like a chicken) and it was just a lack of practice (he was recently divorced from a sexless marriage and hadn’t kissed anyone in about 10 years). We practiced. A lot. He’s now amazing

Pinkbonbon Tue 14-Jan-20 18:15:06

I'd just pull back and say 'jeezo mate,hold back on the tongue a little bit. No one wants to snog a washing machine'. F*ck tact, he clearly can't take a hint so you have to be blunt.

gamerchick Tue 14-Jan-20 18:15:44

Boak, nothing worse than loads of tongue. I had a dude like that once. Telling him didn't work though. I was slightly relieved when it ended.

Good luck OP.

Lefkosia Tue 14-Jan-20 18:18:10

I had an ex who was an aggressive kisser. Turns out it was the tip of a very large iceberg of dodgy coercive behaviour.

If you try and teach him and he doesnt improve consider it's because he likes the fact you dont like kissing when he does it so badly

Whateveryoudoordontdo Tue 14-Jan-20 18:43:50

Sorry Lefkosia, that sounds bad. I'm pretty sure it's not about anything else. He's very level headed, which is one of the things I really like about him. And things are moving slowly, which makes it even better. We've talked so much I feel I know him well. The inept snogging is the only problem. And I'm going to tell him. If he can't cope and won't try to change then I've got him wrong and I can end it. I wouldn't end it because of the kissing, but for lack of wanting to want to give me something that's really important to me.

You lot have persuaded me to be open and honest instead of dropping hints. I thank you.

YasssKween Tue 14-Jan-20 19:15:20

Oh god this has triggered such awkward memories for me!

In my case he was an absolute wet lettuce in all ways it turned out and once I got the ick the kissing seemed a billion times worse. And it was already bad. And I LOVE kissing.

Anyway I hope you are able to mention it and that if he's a great guy that it's just a stumbling block.

It sounds silly maybe to people who don't feel the same but kissing is so important to me intimacy wise that if someone was a really incompatible kisser from the get go, it would be a deal breaker for me I think.

BMW6 Tue 14-Jan-20 19:29:12

If he's worth keeping just tell him you actually don't like so much tongue (or any at all). If he does it again I'd pull away immediately and say I've asked you to not do that.

If he persists dump him.

Whateveryoudoordontdo Tue 14-Jan-20 19:45:59

I love kissing so much I have to get this right. Can't wait to see him and tell him. I hope it will lead to lots of swoonsome snogging!😘🌝

3rdchristmaslucky Tue 14-Jan-20 19:52:40

I'm looking forward to you coming back and telling us he's upped his game and your chin is dry 🥂

Whateveryoudoordontdo Tue 14-Jan-20 20:39:37

He just messaged me reminding me of a particular kiss he thinks of fondly - I remember it clearly and not so fondly 😧

PerceptionIsReality Tue 14-Jan-20 20:50:50

I remember discussing this with my cousin one day. I’d ended a relationship with a guy in part because I couldn’t bear him kissing me. We discussed how important good kissing me is.

She told me that when some guy had kissed her sloppily she’d simply stopped this kiss said “are you fucking kidding me”? And then told him how to do it properly.

She’s my hero.

PerceptionIsReality Tue 14-Jan-20 20:51:31

Not good kissing me. Just good kissing! blush

category12 Tue 14-Jan-20 20:56:44

Eww. Well, tbh I'm not sure it's something that you can teach. Best of luck with it. But personally I've found if the kissing is wrong, the rest of it follows a downward path to the ick.

Whateveryoudoordontdo Tue 14-Jan-20 21:18:16

Perception, your cousin is my hero too!

Category, you may be right, but I hope you're wrong. He's lovely...

YasssKween Tue 14-Jan-20 21:25:24

He just messaged me reminding me of a particular kiss he thinks of fondly - I remember it clearly and not so fondly

Argh that just made me do a massive cringe 😬😬😬

Millettmum Tue 14-Jan-20 21:45:49

Could you just say that you want to try kissing a different way, if he asks why then just mention you're not really into too much tongue.

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