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Bf went to a girls house he dated b4 me at midnight to return her things?

(78 Posts)
Spinning88 Tue 14-Jan-20 12:44:10

So I found a uber receipt on my bf email account going to a girls that he dated for a bit before me. I asked him about it as I was absolute mortified. He said that he went to her house to return her belongings and just close the door for good, As he wanted to be with me.
The event of that eve:
He was out drinking with his friends afterwork and didnt get home till 11.30pm. He said he had planned to meet her earlier but got carried away with the drinks. She apparently was waiting for him in her car outside his house and then got fed up and drove home. When he got in he messaged me asking how my eve was but then took an uber to her house. I've asked him many time if he had slept with her etc and he said he didnt. When he got to hers, they got in her car, he made her drive towards his house as he didnt want to pay for another uber. They spoke, as he hadn't seen her for a while as she had been travelling. He returned her belongings to close the door on her etc and said he didnt want to see her no more. He said she started crying in the car and remembered him feeling really bad for her. He then got out her car and walked home. I just dont get why he had to see her that late at night, but he said he was planning to see her earlier but got late cos of the drinks and that he just wanted to get it all out the way.
I want to believe him but I still have doubts... what do you guys think?

SandrasAnnoyingFriend Tue 14-Jan-20 12:45:58

I think he is 100% lying I'm afraid.
Please don't tolerate this now, it won't get better.

BorissGiantJohnson Tue 14-Jan-20 12:48:13

Absolutely stinks of bullshit to me, but you never know. Why doesn't he show you their messages from that evening to prove it? Surely he can see it looks dodgy as fuck and wants to reassure you?
If he doesn't want to show you the messages or they've been deleted, then there's your answer.
Also why didn't he tell you about this before you found the Uber receipt? Dodgy.

Spinning88 Tue 14-Jan-20 12:54:09

Thank you. I'm really trying to believe him, as literally 2 days before he said he really likes me and asked if I've locked everyone off, e.g I'm not keeping my options open. I said no, and he said no too. Which makes me think that maybe he did just wanted to give her her things back, but it's the fact that it was at night is what I just dont get. I saw him the next morning at his house as we were spending the weekend together. I would never have known if I hadn't seen the uber on his email.

Spinning88 Tue 14-Jan-20 12:56:55

The thing is, I only came across the uber recipet in December. That night was in september, so he has nothing on his phone.
We became serious about each other around september time too and made things official

SandrasAnnoyingFriend Tue 14-Jan-20 13:01:08

Nobody takes an Uber to their exes at midnight, when they've been drinking, for any reason other than a hook up.
It's not unheard of for there to be a bit of crossover when you're 'seeing' someone and they're tying up loose ends. But he's lying about it. Deal breaker IMO

Sparkle567 Tue 14-Jan-20 13:43:22

How far is the walk home ?

Why take a Uber there if it’s walking distance ?

Spinning88 Tue 14-Jan-20 13:58:36

So she lives 25 min away by car. He called her to let her know hes outside as her family where home. They got in her car, asked to drive him back towards his house as he didnt want to pay for another uber. They parked up near his house and that where they spoke, he handed her things over. He was drunk, so he said he remembered her crying in the car etc. He said the he remembers asking about her holiday which she went with her sister, which checks out - but it's the fact that he went so late is what annoys me. But he said the plan was to meet earlier, but he got carried away with his friends at the bar. He wanted to return her belongings and just close the door once and for all.

AttilaTheMeerkat Tue 14-Jan-20 14:02:30

Why do you want to believe him?. This man is untrustworthy and deserves to be dumped. There are plenty of men out there who will not mess you around like this one has done and or treat you like a mug.

AgentProvocateur Tue 14-Jan-20 14:05:51

Do you really believe that? I’m sure you’re not a stupid person.

MMadness Tue 14-Jan-20 14:09:58

How did you access his email?

EKGEMS Tue 14-Jan-20 14:10:04

Honey,if you believe that story I've got a bridge to sell you in Arizona

KnickerBockerAndrew Tue 14-Jan-20 14:10:37

He's made up the story about her driving him home to explain why the uber receipt was one-way. The real reason is that he stayed with her.

I tend to give the benefit of the doubt with this kind of thing, but this seems pretty clear to me. Sorry OP.

Needadviceplz Tue 14-Jan-20 14:14:58

I had an ex visit me at this time just to drop belongings off but really I was just trying to get back with him I had been drinking and said I just wanted my stuff back ect he cried it was emotional but he was in no way wanting to get back with me or sleep with me and just wanted closure I think and felt guilty for cheating so it does happen. I was like 20 then so was all very immature on my part. Think it isn't genuine on both ends at this time of night. Someone or both people will have an intention. If I was your bf I would of just posted the stuff

Spinning88 Tue 14-Jan-20 14:16:41

So the girl lives at home with her family. Thats the reason why he went and say in her car and she drove him near his house.

I have access to his emails because he gave me his password as he doesn't have a PC and always on construction sites, so asks me to check his emails regarding payslips, contact work etc.

CuriousaboutSamphire Tue 14-Jan-20 14:20:51

Wait a mo! It was back at the beginning of your relationship? When crossovers can happen without there being any ill intent or broken promises.

I'd consider being able to let it pass, if I were you. Don't torment yourself. Just accept that he did sleep with her and, if you still want to continue with the relationship do so! But if it bothers you and is to you a line that has been crossed then split up with him. You don't have to explain why, just tell him it is over. That way you don't get into all that tearful explanations that make no sense scenario!

It doesn't matter what we say, or what he says. What matters is how it makes you feel.

MyCatHatesEverybody Tue 14-Jan-20 14:21:15

If she was comfortable enough with driving to his house to drop him off after midnight then why wouldn't she simply have gone round one daytime to pick up her things?

Sorry but this is obvious BS.

Spinning88 Tue 14-Jan-20 14:28:20

But how could he have slept with her when her whole families in the house, unless something happened in the car, which I truly doubt as he is wary about doing things like that in the public eye. And he wouldn't have bought her back to his place as his mother was home. And there are no hotel recipets on his emails or statements for that day. I'm so confused! Thank you eveyone

Spinning88 Tue 14-Jan-20 14:33:00

@Mycathateseverybody I asked the same thing. Why couldn't you do it for another day? He said she wasnt aware that he was about to do this. And that's why she started to cry in the car after he told her.

BetBetteBetty Tue 14-Jan-20 14:39:41

He ubered to her house so she could drive him back to his house so they could talk and he gave her back her stuff outside his house confused he’s not very good at lying is he?

She could’ve just gone to his, why did he need to Uber there to get a lift back?

He obviously stayed there and he’s come up with this bullshit to explain why it was a one way journey.

When they were together did he never stay at her house? If he did they’d have had sex while his family were in then so that wouldn’t have mattered.

3rdchristmaslucky Tue 14-Jan-20 14:41:58

If you really don't believe him, ask her. They're the only two people who know what happened.

mamato3lads Tue 14-Jan-20 14:42:07

Oh please. He's lying and its obvious. Do yourself a favour and stay away from such fucking drama. He shouldn't have been there. He did not need to do that. Not at midnight ffs!!! Come on. He wanted to go there. And not to drop her things off. Who does that at midnight. No one.

Midnight calls are generally for one thing only ....

ASundayWellSpent Tue 14-Jan-20 14:45:50

I'm sorry but sounds like a really rubbish excuse to me too. He had her things with him while he was out drinking with his mates at 11.30 did he? When they were together they obviously found a way to be intimate despite both living with family. If it doesn't seem right don't try and force it, this is rubbish

MyCatHatesEverybody Tue 14-Jan-20 14:50:12

It makes no difference that she wasn't aware - if she was comfortable enough raising the eyebrows of her whole family by disappearing to his after midnight (or lying to them about her whereabouts) then I'd imagine she'd have been comfortable enough to go to his another day instead.

As for where they would have slept together - presumably they would have gone where they always did when they were a couple (I can't believe they only ever waited until his mum was out. Or of course she could have paid for a hotel or had a friend's she could crash at).

Even if we assumed your BF was telling the truth he treated his ex appallingly by letting her drive over earlier and not showing up, then showing up unannounced after midnight, then keeping everything a secret from you. The whole thing stinks.

Spinning88 Tue 14-Jan-20 14:54:20

No he was out with work for drinks. Got back home and that's when he grabbed her things, ubered it to her house as he was drunk and then got in her car. He asked for her to drive back towards his way, so he doesn't have to get another taxi. They parked up and that's when they spoke. She had come back from holiday, which he told me and that checks out as I checked her insta and told he doesn't want to see her no more. As they were talking he said she started to cry etc. At that point he got out the car and he walked home from there which would have taken him 30 min. Next morning we met.

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