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Is this 'typical' grandparent behaviour?

(122 Posts)
NannaNoodleman Mon 13-Jan-20 20:05:45

DS & DD don't see their paternal grandparents much. There's a history but I just wanted an unbiased consensus:

DH has just got back from taking the children to see their grandparents. They'd left their Christmas decorations up to have a belated Christmas.

They told the kids that Santa came to their house because they (the children) were visiting.

They bought the kids £100s worth of gifts.

Is this 'typical' of grandparents? It's very different from how my parents behave so just trying to gage!

I am really pissed off about the Santa thing because:
1) Santa only brings one gift per child in our house, the other presents are from whoever they're from (DH did have a word with them but the seed had already been planted)
2) why didn't Santa leave gifts at their other grandparents?
3) the insinuation of "if you go to grandparents, Santa visits.

Sillyscrabblegames Mon 13-Jan-20 20:07:44

Santa isn't actually real, what are you cross about? That they didn't square their lies with yours?

loveyoutothemoon Mon 13-Jan-20 20:07:56

Don't see the issue!

Butterymuffin Mon 13-Jan-20 20:09:26

They should have let you know what story they were using. How old are the kids?

Fairyliz Mon 13-Jan-20 20:10:20

So your children don’t see their grandparents very often, grandparents have tried to make it special and spoilt their grandchildren a bit and you are complaining?
Is there some huge back story? Would you have preferred that they didn’t buy your children gifts?
Sounds like grandparents really happy to see children to me. Surely that is a good thing?

Herocomplex Mon 13-Jan-20 20:11:15

Do you mean does it make any sense? It probably does to them. To me it seems like they’re trying to make their role a bit bigger than it should be, and that’s because they’re maybe trying to buy the children’s affections.

There is no normal though. I’m guessing you don’t see them, they have a history of nuttiness and you feel uncomfortable about their behaviour this year?

JiltedJohnsJulie Mon 13-Jan-20 20:13:38

Santa has got confused and left presents at other houses in our family before.

As others have said, he's not actually real.

pallisers Mon 13-Jan-20 20:13:49

actually I do see the issue. Instead of giving them gifts they pretended they came from santa. Sustaining santa on xmas eve is hard enough but expecting a child to believe santa dropped in in early jan to drop off a few presents is a bit batshit.

Tbh if it was me I'd say to them oh grandparents kind of pretended these gifts were from santa but santa only comes on xmas eve to your house so why not send a nice thank you letter to grandparents for those lovely presents.

Mummaofmytribe Mon 13-Jan-20 20:13:56

I think if they were kind to the children and the kids had a happy day, I wouldn't worry. The Santa thing, well kids only believe up to a certain age, so it won't be an issue for long. And if you don't see them very often they're gonna have very little influence over the children anyway. I wouldn't make a big deal out of it if your kids are happy.

fallfallfall Mon 13-Jan-20 20:14:19

Cross post with fairyliz
You sound jealous and bitter for no good reason.

PattiPrice Mon 13-Jan-20 20:14:29

I think leaving the decorations up and having gifts is nice but I think they should be from the grandparents not Santa.

I think I would tell the children that grzndparents were joking about them being from Santa and they were really from said grandparents and I would get the children to write a thank you card thanking their ‘grandparents’ for the gifts.

vdbfamily Mon 13-Jan-20 20:15:07

I agree there is no normal. My kids have one set of GP who were NC( their choice) for 10 years and have never bought birthday or Christmas gifts for my DC. My parents have great more contact but a budget of£20 for birthdays an hd Christmas. They have 13 grandchildren though.

CodenameVillanelle Mon 13-Jan-20 20:15:23

How old are the kids? If older than 5/6 I'd tell them that Santa didn't really leave the presents, granny and grandad said that for fun but the presents were from them.

PattiPrice Mon 13-Jan-20 20:15:49

Cross post with @pallisers.

84claire84 Mon 13-Jan-20 20:17:17

Absolute none issue here

Oysterbabe Mon 13-Jan-20 20:17:51

My inlaws buy lots of stuff for our kids and sometimes step on our toes a bit by getting things we were planning to buy or already have. This year they got them Christmas eve boxes that included Christmas outfits and letters from Santa. We actually hadn't got them like anything like that ourselves but we could easily have and they should really have consulted with us first. I can't get worked up about it. In our case I know they just enjoy spoiling the kids, there's no deeper meaning. Grandparents often like spoiling their grandchildren.

Whynosnowyet Mon 13-Jan-20 20:18:46

Million dollar question op..

Did they let the dc take their gifts home?.

Undies1990 Mon 13-Jan-20 20:20:05

How old are the children?

On the face of it, it seems like a really lovely idea to have a delayed Christmas. They obviously made a real effort to make it a special occasion.

MiseryChops Mon 13-Jan-20 20:21:00

How old are you? 9?

Santa isn’t real right?

The kids got loadsa gifts- that’s a win in my book.

Get a grip

hiredandsqueak Mon 13-Jan-20 20:21:34

I'm a granny, dgs is only a baby but I did check with dd to ensure I bought things that dd would want dgs to have and I also checked on how Father Christmas was going to happen in her house so that I didn't get it wrong or tread on her toes.
As a mum though nothing of what your pil's did would have bothered me. In fact I'd have seen it as a really nice thing to do. My dd is much more tetchy than I was though so I toe the line with her.

FATEdestiny Mon 13-Jan-20 20:24:55

Yes this is normal (loving) grandparent behaviour.

Santa delivers all presents on Christmas Eve - it's his job! Even if the presents are from someone else, Santa and his Elves check them before delivering.

So totally logical and correct that Santa may have delivered a set of presents to Grandparents house for them visiting for a belated Christmas.

Sounds lovely of your in-laws.

You sound bitter, jealous and ungrateful.

Ispy123 Mon 13-Jan-20 20:26:38


AhoyMrBeaver Mon 13-Jan-20 20:27:01

I think it sounds nice. They didn't get to see the children at Christmas so they've held on to do something special.

You obviously resent them for reasons other than this though.

albertatrilogy Mon 13-Jan-20 20:27:11

I suppose it does seem like trying to buy the children's love. We did delayed Christmas with my stepchildren but that would just be the 27th or 28th.

I think it's all a bit doomed really and they might have done better to cook their grandchildren's favourite meals, play favourite games, take them to the park.

But yes, it's not untypical for grandparents to try and deluge grandchildren with masses and masses of gifts, and for parents - who may be trying to do things a bit more simply - to feel a vague sense of disquiet.

starry7 Mon 13-Jan-20 20:27:20

Quite shocked at the cold responses here!

The grandparents should have checked with you before saying that Santa had visited. Typically it's only the parents who get involved in the Santa thing. If your kids still believe next year, I'd be having a gentle word in their ear--no need to make it a big deal.

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