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Does this seem like light ribbing or mean comments ?

(87 Posts)
Trixie120 Sun 12-Jan-20 10:12:01

Sometimes I genuinely have difficulty knowing when people are saying things from a sly place with malice behind it, or if they are just having a laugh with you and mean no harm.

I didn't react to any of these comments on the spot, because I'm trying to just let stuff go but it's got me thinking.

I was with this friend in a café, I ordered a milkshake and forgot to ask for no whipped cream. When the cream arrived I just scooped it off and put it into my bowl. Next time we were all together she recited the milkshake incident to them all in front of me and said I was 'like a child.'

I went to see her when she had had an operation in hospital. I don't drive and she made a comment about "How I know about public transport better than anyone." again in front of others there . Not in a "oh if you need help getting somewhere then she can give you info" way either.

One night at a hen party we stayed in a room together, she was throwing up from alcohol at 3am and I rubbed her back to comfort her. The next morning she told everyone what I had done and was laughing at it. She didn't even thank me, even though she woke me up at 3am and I could have just ignored her.

At her wedding day when we were getting ready I was on my phone a little, and what. Then she announced in front of everyone in a sarcy way if I was going to be on my phone during the ceremony ?

I went for a drink with her and I had my handbag on my knees. Sometimes I do it, i don't know why but I don't think it's a big deal. She commented, "Oh, you're holding your handbag again are you."

At their wedding, they had considered setting me up with someone but he wasn't really for me. The groom was very drunk and came over and asked me, "Does he make you wet?" which was very embarrassing. I just said "he's not for me sorry."
Then when I saw my friend, apparently they had talked about it and the groom told her i had been "deadly against it." not true at all, and was acting like I was really fussy and harsh about their friend.

I went to school with her and I have often wondered if it comes from a place of insecurity. I always recall one incident where she came skipping over and told us something 'funny' our classmate had said, that I had 'dodgy fashion sense' and that our other friend had 'gained a lot of weight.'

She can be very nice and supportive but she doesn't make as much effort anymore. The comments only seem to be about me and nobody else. Does it sound like i'm just being sensitive ?

Pinkarsedfly Sun 12-Jan-20 10:13:29

She’s utterly foul and so is her husband.

Trixie120 Sun 12-Jan-20 10:14:41

Another one was that we were making a roast dinner together. She decided my cooking skills were not up to scratch even though I contributed what I could to the meal. I later moved to a new flat and she said, "oh, you'll have to cook for me ! Only joking, we can get a takeaway."
I had never told her that I didn't like or didn't know how to cook.

Bluntness100 Sun 12-Jan-20 10:15:41

Some of these are just comments, like the public transport, normal stuff, some not very nice. You also say she can be nice, so what balance is there? Is this 1% of her behavuour, or 99 percent?

It's hard to tell if you're just really really sensitive or if she is predominately a bitch to you.

Interestedwoman Sun 12-Jan-20 10:15:43

No, you're not being oversensitive, she's being nasty. xxx

Whynosnowyet Sun 12-Jan-20 10:16:25

Bin her today op. Was she the school bully?

WheresMyChocolate Sun 12-Jan-20 10:16:29

She's nasty and so's her husband.

MakeItRain Sun 12-Jan-20 10:16:49

She sounds horrible and so does her husband.

PicsInRed Sun 12-Jan-20 10:18:41

She's a Queen Bitch who's made you her Court Jester.

I'd resign the role.

Take a big step back from her. Google "grey rock". I wouldn't confront her as she's probably socially dangerous if challenged. Just step back and make yourself boring. She'll find someone else - someone with more interesting reactions - to bully.

Trixie120 Sun 12-Jan-20 10:18:53

I mean for example when I have gone through break ups she's been supportive. But she likes to say, "Oh you're not very confident, are you ?" then about herself she will say, "i've got the confidence to do xyz".
Ive never said I wasn't confident, i've just had a bit of bad luck with men i.e. Being cheated on, but I don't like to be told that i'm 'not confident' in general.

Windmillwhirl Sun 12-Jan-20 10:19:37

Only read the first half, that was enough.

She's an absolute bitch.

Trixie120 Sun 12-Jan-20 10:21:11

As I say it's directed towards me 99% of the time. I think when she was younger she was insecure, she didn't feel pretty and I don't think she's ever considered herself as attractive. She's now married into money and they have the fancy house, cleaner, sports car etc. And I really think this has given her a sense of importance. She's mentioned that some of her old friends stopped bothering with her because she became snobby in their eyes.

Cherrysoup Sun 12-Jan-20 10:23:45

I think you should be challenging her comments and asking why she’s such a massive fucking bitch to you. Friends should be supportive, not trying to make you the joke (court jester as a pp put it, very appropriate in your case, I’d say) every time. She really is making you the target, isn’t she? Probably she isn’t very confident and is trying to make herself feel better, but is being a huge bitch to you to make herself look funny.

Other friends should be supporting you, has nobody pulled her up on her shitty comments?

Windmillwhirl Sun 12-Jan-20 10:26:26

I think she needs to feel worthy of her new life and putting you down aids that.

It makes her feel important to put you down.

You know she's horrible if you are honest with yourself. Just distance yourself.

Have a cracking comment ready for when she contacts you because she misses teasing her little play thing.

Windmillwhirl Sun 12-Jan-20 10:28:20

It's probably directed 99% at you because you won't call her out on it and that makes her feel superior and in control. She doesn't know if others would be so passive.

Trixie120 Sun 12-Jan-20 10:28:28

I should do yes. I highly imagine that she would just say she's joking and didnt mean it, but who knows. Nobody else really says anything when she does it.
I'm not sure why it is directed at me, whether it's jealousy or something else.
I don't drive, i'm single and I haven't bought a house or anything but that's fine, i'm happy. I think she sees herself as at a different stage to me, she's enjoying the lifestyle she has and likes to paint me as this poor little lost person.

Trixie120 Sun 12-Jan-20 10:31:26

I have noticed that she doesn't seem to contact me as much now. She will 'like' my things on social media.
But this goes back years, other people have commented on it too. We used to live in the same neighbourhood, and if we came back from a night out in a taxi or whatever she would always make sure we were dropped off near to her house.
She was bullied a lot at school and I think meeting this rich husband and the lifestyle they now lead has given her this feeling of superiority. I can't work her out, i've been nothing but kind and supportive and I've never gotten why it's directed at me.

roisinagusniamh Sun 12-Jan-20 10:32:42

She's a bully and you have been her target for ever.
Time to reduce time spent with her in order to eventually cut ties with her.

Obligatorync Sun 12-Jan-20 10:33:34

She's horrible!

AttilaTheMeerkat Sun 12-Jan-20 10:33:53

She meant every word she said. Distance yourself entirely from them all.

You need better quality friends too, they're not saying anything because they do not want to be targeted by the Queen Bee. This nasty woman and her equally foul husband need to be jettisoned now.

Windmillwhirl Sun 12-Jan-20 10:34:15

No need to work her out. She is deeply insecure under it all and probably feels like someone for the first time in her life. It's sad that she has to treat you so appallingly to achieve that.

TARSCOUT Sun 12-Jan-20 10:35:14

I'm.sorry but I don't think she likes you very much, you might just have outgrown each other. I would just distract myself gracefully from this situation.

QueenOfTheSavages Sun 12-Jan-20 10:35:32

She's not a nice person and her husband is absolutely vile to be talking to you like that, how disgusting.

TheGinGenie Sun 12-Jan-20 10:37:13

She sounds awful and I would stop having anything to do with her. You deserve better friends!

puds11 Sun 12-Jan-20 10:37:52

It doesn’t matter what percent of her time she’s being rude you. If it’s upsetting you, then it’s too much of the time. Get rid of her.

I had someone like this. They constantly patronised me and made out like I was some kind of stupid child. Other people commented on it to me it was that obvious. We don’t talk anymore and I can’t say I miss her!

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