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Dating thread 180 - Deep thoughts on attachment styles, psychology and love bombing. (Oh my!)

(1000 Posts)
PerfectPretender Fri 10-Jan-20 18:43:45

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps


Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

PerfectPretender Fri 10-Jan-20 18:44:49

I started a new thread

For some reason the wizard of Oz is stuck in my head....lions and tigers and bears, oh my! (It may or may not be wine o'clock already)

PerfectPretender Fri 10-Jan-20 18:45:15

Haha wrong thread this is a great start.

bangheadhere40 Fri 10-Jan-20 18:46:35

@pretend thanks for the thread.

bangheadhere40 Fri 10-Jan-20 18:46:56

I mean @perfect

bangheadhere40 Fri 10-Jan-20 18:48:03

Loving the title too 😁😁

PerfectPretender Fri 10-Jan-20 18:49:19

Haha thanks

Lovemusic33 Fri 10-Jan-20 19:00:51

Thanks for the new thread x

Jane1978xx Fri 10-Jan-20 19:24:50

Hey 👋

Undecidedsofa Fri 10-Jan-20 19:26:11

Evening new thread.
I have made progress with Mr Movies - he lives far too far away for me (again) but wants to come and take me out for dinner and to see a film I really want to see smile
Mr Local and I are messaging quite a bit, he has started using winky emojis and x on messages, which I am guessing is a good sign - would really like him to ask re meeting up (I know I could do that too, but I am not fabulously confident)
The last one has seemed to have just stopped messaging - ho hum..

KeepCalmCarryOhFuckIt Fri 10-Jan-20 19:34:30

Hello new thread! 3 meetings in seems a but soon for the L word, but as long as there's no pressure to say it back I'd be tempted to just see how it pans out. MrY tells me he loves me most times we see each other and I haven't said it back properly yet. He says he knows I do though 😂 he's right.
Re attachment, I did the survey and came out as secure/dismissive. It's pretty accurate for me. I'm bang in the middle of introvert/extrovert. It really depends on what I need to recharge from as to whether I need a night in with a bar of chocolate or a night out laughing with friends. So that doesn't give me much clue either!
Hope everyone has good dates/happy times this weekend!

dancemom Fri 10-Jan-20 19:36:41

Happy weekend everyone

PerfectPretender Fri 10-Jan-20 19:38:36

As for Meyers Briggs, it's scarily accurate. I'm ENFJ-T. I used for the survey. I thought M-B had been debunked but maybe not?

unambiguousbeard Fri 10-Jan-20 20:10:44

I think I'll join you in the baileys @perfectpretender

So that was hard. God knows what the chemicals are between me and Mr U but he lit up when I arrived. As I'm sure I did. Whatever it is about him it's not going to go away. But I can live with that.

unambiguousbeard Fri 10-Jan-20 20:11:13

On the baileys not in 🙄

PerfectPretender Fri 10-Jan-20 20:15:34

Chemistry is powerful shizz.

shitwithsugaron Fri 10-Jan-20 20:24:26

Placemarking. We filled that last thread up pretty quickly didn't we!

Undecidedsofa Fri 10-Jan-20 20:25:08

Argh, I have just done the Meyers Briggs test - wowsers. I am INJF-T, that was spookily accurate.

Notcoolmum Fri 10-Jan-20 20:33:25

Chemistry is very powerful. I had it badly with Me S and a previous BF. Both of whom didn't feel it for me in any meaningful way and used it against me to keep me hanging on. There is more to a relationship than chemistry. Even though clearly you need to fancy them.

Eesha Fri 10-Jan-20 20:37:56


LeaveBeforeTheLightsComeOn Fri 10-Jan-20 20:50:13

Checking in, thanks for the new thread!

Mr Leather cancelled on me with some crappy excuse. Hey ho, tea, toast and Corrie instead. My Friday nights are just wild 😂

NodWiselyLikeARealityTVStar Fri 10-Jan-20 20:54:29

May I join? I put off OLD over and over but I've returned to work after the New Year to find three of my colleagues are newly engaged and one is pregnant. Two more weddings in addition to that coming up, and I'm still woefully single.

So I'm determined to make a real go of it.

Currently chatting to a Mr Teacher. He seems nice enough but no real spark or chemistry is really coming through... is it too early? Does that only come in person?

shitwithsugaron Fri 10-Jan-20 21:00:53

@NodWiselyLikeARealityTVStar hi and welcome. I'd be wary of any spark or chemistry via messaging. You really need to meet as soon as you can to see if that 'chemistry' you see/feel on a screen flows into real life. Sometimes it does, sometimes it really, really doesn't!

TigerDater Fri 10-Jan-20 21:12:20

If there’s no chemistry in messaging though is there much point meeting?

EchoElephant Fri 10-Jan-20 21:31:34

Thanks for the new thread.
I have nothing exciting to report. Just trying to work up the courage to end it with Mr FO.
Thanks to Notcoolmum, who kindly read my long story and gave me some excellent advice on what to say.
I just can't bring myself to do it, yet.

And I think it will be a long time before I can face going back on the apps.

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