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Help me get over this ridiculous crush!

(502 Posts)
Needtogetbackinthesack Sun 05-Jan-20 15:33:21

I'm newly divorced, haven't had sex since I conceived my 3 yo and I feel it's time to get back out there.

There's a guy I see every morning when dropping my kids off, he works in an office I walk by and his smile makes me weak at the knees. It's got so bad that I can't sleep at night for thinking about him but I'm generally too nervous to even make eye contact as I walk by. He does smile on the odd brave occasion, but he smiles at everyone who walks by.

His office isn't the kind where people off the street could walk in - no customers etc. I literally know nothing else about him, can't see if he's wearing a wedding ring etc. He also sees me walk by with my herd of out of control kids, hardly an attractive prospect. But I can't help but think about him.

How do people deal with such crushes when you're in your mid thirties? I think I need to get out there and meet a real life human and forget about him don't I? But that smile... 😍😆🙈

mamato3lads Sun 05-Jan-20 18:22:48

No way! Why forget about him?? He may well be single. Find that out first if poss look for a wedding ring, if none present then start with eye contact and smiles/ brave ..... your mid thirties not mid eighties!! Good luck x

Needtogetbackinthesack Mon 06-Jan-20 02:13:30

I need to remember this - mid 30s not mid 80s ha!! I do partly feel like I need to seize the day and partly think I've got nearly a decade of school runs to do if I make an arse of myself... I'll be brave in the morning and smile!

PointlessUsername Mon 06-Jan-20 02:56:14

Give him a wave and see his reaction.

SpoonBlender Mon 06-Jan-20 03:10:03

Can you reach his office window? Slap a Postit with your number (or whatever) on the sticky side on it. Go wild!

LovelyBrick Mon 06-Jan-20 03:10:51

There's nothing wrong with a bit of fantasy...

PumpkinP Mon 06-Jan-20 03:13:48

I wonder if people really are as brave irl as they seem on MN. Personally I would leave it, it’s a really big thing to do and the thought of being rejected and still having to pass him would be awkward! I would just take it as a sign you are ready to meet someone now and maybe start old or something not approach a random man in a office.

Needtogetbackinthesack Mon 06-Jan-20 05:16:49

@PumpkinP I often wonder how brave people are in real life too, it seems so easy in theory but I don't think I know anyone brave enough to approach a stranger in an office!

I will definitely smile and maybe progress to a wave, not sure I'm brave enough for a post it though @SpoonBlender because yes I can reach his window but it would literally be in front of the entire crowd of school parents - awkward!!

JukeboxRomeo Mon 06-Jan-20 08:17:54

I started a thread like this a few weeks ago and the overwhelming response was to go for it and ask him out...
I have not done it but I'm going to I think. Difference being this guy works somewhere where I sometimes frequent so I have spoke to him a tiny bit but he is incredibly awkward around me. Anyway how about a pact, I do it if you do it? grin

Needtogetbackinthesack Mon 06-Jan-20 09:16:55

I smiled and got a smile back, he mouthed hi and waved as I walked back after dropping the kids but of course I was mid convo with the kids so did that awkward half smiling half carrying on my conversation thing. I hope he can't hear through his window because my son shouted that man has a top just like my trainers - cheers kid confused

@JukeboxRomeo I just searched your thread, you should have given him an Xmas card!! As for the pact - what exactly am I Supposed to be 'doing'?! I'm fairly game for smiling and waving but not sure I can randomly walk into his office, or embarrass myself in front of the school crowd. My son is stating breakfast club tmrw so I'll see if he's in early and try and make proper efforts to say hi. If nothing else this has brightened up my morning and I'm grinning like a loon haha

MarieG10 Mon 06-Jan-20 09:23:13

It sounds promising but do you have the opportunity to chat with him when dropping kids off? Where is he when he waves?

Maybe you have to be brave and slip him your number...just say you would love a chat sometimes.

Awkward I know but if you don't try..won't get

GiveHerHellFromUs Mon 06-Jan-20 09:35:33

If you don't want to get over it, just go for it and give him your number discretely tomorrow.

I could never do that and would be absolutely mortified so I'd make up a life for him in my head.
Something along the lines of:
He's walking because he's banned from driving for driving while under the influence of drugs. His wife left him because he slept with her best friend while under the influence of said drugs and gave her chlamydia.
And, as part of his punishment for drug driving, he also wears a tag and is only smiling at you because you look like his probation officers doppelgänger and he's hoping it'll help his cause.

Do you still fancy him now? You're welcome.

Needtogetbackinthesack Mon 06-Jan-20 11:14:58

@GiveHerHellFromUs you have basically accidentally given him a fictional life that's very similar to why I left my husband hahaha - and NO, I didn't fancy him after all that!

JukeboxRomeo Mon 06-Jan-20 11:18:55

Needto I see your point! I didn't read the bit about it being outside your dc school. Even if it went well and you got his number it could still potentially be awkward. Can you watch somebody else walk past the window and see if he is smiling and waving at everyone or just you? That would give you a fair idea of whether he is interested.

I know I should have given him the card. Still kicking myself. It's bugging me because he seems so shy and nervous I really don't think he would have the nerve to do it even if he's interested. So It's down to me. Sorry! I don't want to derail the thread.

GiveHerHellFromUs Mon 06-Jan-20 11:54:42

Oh my god I'm so sorry grin

Needtogetbackinthesack Mon 06-Jan-20 12:34:11

@GiveHerHellFromUs it did make me laugh!

@JukeboxRomeo if you make it easy for him to say no - ie by giving him your number and not pressing him on it rather than a full on pressured face to face question - then I reckon most men would be able to manage that even if they are shy and nervous?

I have only seen this guy wave at my friend - she was the one who first pointed him out, she chats and waves to everyone and she fancies him a bit too. But she's not single so is ok with me silently plotting hot dates in my imagination with him 🤣

Needtogetbackinthesack Tue 07-Jan-20 08:15:04

He doesn't have a wedding ring on smile

Lost87 Tue 07-Jan-20 09:16:11

I'm following this fairytale. Gives me something to look forward to 😂

HoneysuckleSpeck Tue 07-Jan-20 09:20:12

Just keep smiling and saying hi - if he’s interested he’ll find a way of speaking to you.

Needtogetbackinthesack Tue 07-Jan-20 10:42:26

@Lost87 I defo feel like I've been reading too many romance novels (when the reality is I smile so much I probably look like a stalker!)

Lost87 Tue 07-Jan-20 11:03:01

@Needtogetbackinthesack 😂
I say take the chance, make it something more each day this week to the point of Friday where you do the whole phone number thing. Get a boost of confidence each day with the smile and waves till you bite the bullet and go for it x

harrypotterfan1604 Tue 07-Jan-20 11:13:50

I’m invested in this thread now!
OP where is he when your walking back from dropping the kids off? Is he still in sight? That’s a better opportunity child free to say hi properly

SouthernComforts Tue 07-Jan-20 11:17:46

Not the point, but I'd absolutely hate an office with no privacy right on a street with a school full of kids and parents traipsing past twice a day.

Needtogetbackinthesack Tue 07-Jan-20 11:41:54

@SouthernComforts agreed, it's chaos to park and for two fairly long periods each day it's full of noisy out of control children! Hideous! (And Pervy mums...)

@harrypotterfan1604 I only drop one off and still have the small - more annoying - one with me, so I'm never child free. However, mum has the small one tonight and I'm collecting the bigger one later so I'm going to park round the corner and make sure I walk past his office before I collect the kid. He might be leaving work at that time?!

@Lost87 I have to say I am feeling more confident. I've walked past him 3 times today (because I had to go to the shop to get drain unblocker, never thought that through as I trundled past wirh a bottle of acid in my hands hmm) and every time he's done a very enthusiastic wave. I think I'm at the point where I'd totally ask him for a drink if I ever saw him outside of the office... I just need fate to intervene now. I've got childcare and a few spare hours this evening...

Flatbellyfella Tue 07-Jan-20 11:59:01

Get the children to speak to him about a survey they are doing as school homework, has he got time to answer a list of questions on a form.If he does, start with, it's about how many nice friendly people they meet on their way to school, who smiles, who speaks, who is always in a rush, who still buys a newspaper, rather than Internet news, who walks to work, how far do they walk, how many own bicycles, do they own a car, do they do any sporting activities, or belong to a gym. You could add as many prying questions you like on the list, leave it with him to fill out. You could have your phone number on the bottom, & avoid seeing him for a day or so.. See if he calls you to collect it..when you do collect it, wear a nice expensive perfume you have just tested at a perfume brave, I take my grandchildren to school every few days, and very rairly get a smile from any of the mum's ,who mainly have their heads stuck to phones.

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