So this is my FIFTH 
thread, and no, I'm still not divorced and probably won't be in 2020 as my exH is refusing to sign the initial papers and so this could drag on until 2021 (2 years after our separation) when I can divorce him without his consent.
First thread from December 2019 after my H ruined my birthday weekend (and 1st anniversay of my dad's death) by giving me the silent treatment all weekend to "punish me" for not being grateful enough for him coming away and buying me a present and a card.
//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3448545-Confronting-DH-about-his-sulking?msgid=84022238
Thanks to some amazing posters I realised that H's behaviour (which was not at all a one-off) was abusive and unacceptable.
I prepared to leave him and got plans in place but got "hoovered" back in by H with promises of joint counselling, individual counselling for him, and regular "date nights". Unfortunately none of that changed the dynamic in our relationship : 2nd thread :
//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3498886-Confronting-DH-about-his-sulking-part2?msgid=85957683
I started a 3rd thread in May when H and I had decided to separate :
//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3580872-LEAVING-sulking-H?msgid=88239005
and that's when things got nightmarish.
As everyone on here pointed out, the most dangerous time for women is when they decide to leave an abusive partner.
In a nutshell, H went missing, had an acute psychotic episode, was admitted to a psychiatric facility and is still in there now.
Staff at the hospital warned me H could be dangerous for me and advised me to move out asap which I did, in fear for my life.
Fourth thread :
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/a3637219-DIVORCING-sulking-H?msgid=92845754#92845754
saw me going to court to safeguard the DC through a request for full custody with limited visiting rights.
With the help of my great lawyer we got the decision we wanted from the judge but the battle never ends over every little thing - schools, activities, money...
Now I am at the stage of entering financial negotiations with exH through lawyers and solicitors plus he has appealed the judge's initial decision so we have to go back to court in mid-February.
Fun start to the New Year which is why, a whole year on, I still need the support and advice of all of those who've been through similar situations or who are just naturally wise !
I have also come a very long way this year.
Leaving a controlling and emotionally/verbally abusive relationship was the hardest thing I've ever done.
Actually NO, the hardest thing I ever did was STAY in that relationship so long in a bid to keep our family together and make it work.
I'd love to think that by sharing this journey on here it might help others who are doubting their strength and capacity to leave - my life is a million times better now although I still have a lot of healing to do.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Divorcing sulking H - will it happen in 2020?
jamaisjedors · 04/01/2020 17:58
Happy new year @jamaisjedors from a long time lurker but very rare poster. I hope seeing how far you have come gives your strength going forwards.
I agree with posters on the last thread, that to some extent it's irrelevant whether your ex's behaviour is down to his personality disorder or him just being an arsehole. As those things are both simultaneously true about him, it would be impossible to unpick. Plus, lots of PDs have arsehole behaviour amongst their diagnostic criteria anyway.
I do think that brief, polite, superficial emails are probably best with your ex. It's hard to grey rock someone who will be in your life for the forseeable. That doesn't mean you have to enter into discussion with him though. The reply you sent to his email was perfect. It wasn't as potentially antagonistic to the situation as ignoring it may have been, it restated your views clearly, whilst simultaneously giving him no further information for him to take apart and throw back at you. You played a blinder there.
I hope 2020 sees the Jamais household at peace and finding happiness, and hope that your ex stops fixating his delusions on you too 
Ahh happy NEW year and new decade everyone!
Fresh starts all around.
And why not for a book- I'm considering it and have always wanted to write.
I'll keep you posted 
Just realised cut and pasting was a bit hasty for my first post above - exH is no longer in a psychiatric facility, he is out and back at work etc but with no guarantees to anyone that he is having follow up care or taking his meds.
It's going to be a good year, Jamais. No doubt it will be tough at times but but just look how far you've come in the last year and since the year before that, You are a whole new person.
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