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Starting to think I made a mistake marrying DH

(8 Posts)
GirlInLeather Sun 26-Aug-07 16:49:28

DH and I have been married for around 2 years, we met 3 years ago and we have had our ups and downs but I've never questioned the actual marriage before.

Anyway recently I have started to see him in a different way, everything he does or says annoys me. We have just got back from a holiday in Spain and I couldn't stand him the entire time we were there. He moaned constantly that he was too hot and didnt fancy doing anything (using his red hair as an excuse), moaned everytime the kids wanted to do something, whinged that he was tired all the time, embarrassed us in front of other people...all he seemed to want to do is eat, all he was interested in were the restraunts.

When me and the kids wanted to do something he purposely said he wanted to do something different and it ended up where he would go off in the car doing his own thing all week and me and the kids were left on our own (which TBH was quite nice actually).

We got back and the first thing he started going on about was buying a new TV, a massively expensive one that we cant afford.

I have just spent 2 hours assembling a big metal goal post thing in the garden as he didnt want to help.

I see other families, husbands wanting to make their wives happy, wanting to entertain the kids and putting other people before himself and I see my DH slumped in front of Men and Motors waiting for his tea to be cooked after having spoilt our first family holiday.

Mistymoo Sun 26-Aug-07 16:51:41

Have you talked to him? He won't know you are feeling like this unless you do. Men are rubbish at taking hints so you have to ask them outright to help you with things.

BBBee Sun 26-Aug-07 16:56:50

my relationship is not dissimilar from what you describ but I realise that I chose this because I find those people who are all hands on and involved quite annoying. In lots of ways even though it is irritating I enjoy the freedom that it brings for me to make choices and do things that do not involve him at all.

What I am trying to say is that not everyone has team family making the goal posts and running around the beach and some people prefer it that way. You need to decide what is best for you and if you really want what you think you want.

MyTwopenceworth Sun 26-Aug-07 18:50:39

Have you told him how you feel.

I don't mean in an argument, in the heat of the moment, yelling "You never do anything for us" at him

I mean told him. Sat down and said "I am unhappy, please hear me"

FrannyandZooey Sun 26-Aug-07 18:56:21

I feel the same as your dh in the heat - I hate it, feel ill and miserable and tired. I can't help it and I wish I felt differently, but there it is. However I do know that is the case and would never dream of going on holiday to Spain.

I would speak to him
as M2PW suggests. And try to bear in mind what BBB says - I sometimes feel despairing at dp's lack of dynamism - then try to remember that I have chosen a partner who is very laid back and amenable to what I want to do, because that is important to me.

flightattendant Sun 26-Aug-07 18:56:36

It sounds a lot like he doesn't enjoy being there, with you and the children, - almost as if he wants you to get annoyed with it so he can have a row, or (i hate to say it) have an excuse to leave? Whatever is bugging him it needs sorting out or you won't get anywhere.
Perhaps he feels neglected - even if it isn't justified - or something like that, which could maybe be talked through?

flightattendant Sun 26-Aug-07 19:00:13

I hope that didn't sound too harsh, sorry - just my ex was a lot like this and it turned out he was terrified of commitment, didn't think I listened to him enough, basically wanted it all to be about him and hated me putting DS first.
All the moaning and contentious behaviour got too much for me and I left him, I hope that isn't what happens here, that was only my experience and we never were married so I imagine you two have a lot more going for you than we did smile

filthymindedvixen Sun 26-Aug-07 19:04:21

I have been married for 13 years, togehte r 15 and sometimes I see this man and think 'who is he? He's not the man I married.'
He is not mr dynamic and is getting a little mid-life crisisy-mixed-with-grumpy-old-man. So sometimes i have to take control (again, sigh) and make stuff happen. And then he comes alive again and I remember why I love him and why I married him.
Holidays can be bloody stressful and one's expectations are so high. Perhaps you can orchestrate some low key, chilled family outings and give him some particular responsibility like choosing a film, doing the bbq, choosing a destination or something.
And talk to him. Choose a good moment when you are not both tired/stressed and ask him if he's ok? Maybe he's really worried about something?

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