A few days ago, me and my boyfriend were hanging out with a mutual female "friend" who I also live with. It seemed like a normal night, but to my horror it soon turned very sour.
The friend told my boyfriend of 2 years that all this time I'd been "using him" and she had proof. She pulled out her phone and showed us screenshots of my diary. She said that I left it lying around one day and she saw some entries about her, so she read it all and took photos of all the bad bits.
There were entries going back a year which revealed my worries about losing attraction to my boyfriend, my doubts about our compatibility, sex problems and lack of libido (which I now realise was down to the Pill I was on). There was a brief period when I thought I missed my ex and I put that in there and now this woman is telling my boyfriend I never loved him. It was all very personal stuff which I would never have wanted him to see and I feel horrified that she would do this.
I begged him not to look at the photos and he obliged as long as I told him the truth. So I had to reveal to him all of the doubts and insecurities I ever had and all of the sex issues and a pregnancy scare. I told him I still loved him, and he said he believed me and would stand by my side. But I'm still so devastated for him and I hate my friend for what she did.
She had been looking for ways to break us up for ages (because she never thought we were a good match) and she was smiling smugly as she revealed it all. I felt like I was in a really bad nightmare.
I'm now trying to find a new place to live as soon as possible, but I'm terrified she's going to start blackmailing me, threatening to send all the diary entries to my boyfriend (I know if he read them word for word he'd be heartbroken). She's been urging him to break up with me for his own good, implying she actually cares about his feelings. She also doesn't seem to want me to leave our home for some reason (perhaps because she'd have to find a new tenant and she doesn't know or like most people).
I just don't know what to do. I feel like my boyfriend has every right not to trust me from now on and I'm half tempted to just show him everything I wrote (knowing it will break him), just so she can't hold it against us. Thing is, I half feel like he should leave me for this. My diary proves I'm too unstable for him and he deserves someone who doesn't have as many anxieties as I do, someone who finds him attractive always.
I'm just looking for some advice. A lot of damage has been done because of things I wrote and I want to know how to make it better.
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Relationships
My "friend" showed my boyfriend my diary and I'm horrified!
NeonPalmTree · 10/12/2019 23:03
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