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My "friend" showed my boyfriend my diary and I'm horrified!

(95 Posts)
NeonPalmTree Tue 10-Dec-19 23:03:21

A few days ago, me and my boyfriend were hanging out with a mutual female "friend" who I also live with. It seemed like a normal night, but to my horror it soon turned very sour.

The friend told my boyfriend of 2 years that all this time I'd been "using him" and she had proof. She pulled out her phone and showed us screenshots of my diary. She said that I left it lying around one day and she saw some entries about her, so she read it all and took photos of all the bad bits.

There were entries going back a year which revealed my worries about losing attraction to my boyfriend, my doubts about our compatibility, sex problems and lack of libido (which I now realise was down to the Pill I was on). There was a brief period when I thought I missed my ex and I put that in there and now this woman is telling my boyfriend I never loved him. It was all very personal stuff which I would never have wanted him to see and I feel horrified that she would do this.

I begged him not to look at the photos and he obliged as long as I told him the truth. So I had to reveal to him all of the doubts and insecurities I ever had and all of the sex issues and a pregnancy scare. I told him I still loved him, and he said he believed me and would stand by my side. But I'm still so devastated for him and I hate my friend for what she did.

She had been looking for ways to break us up for ages (because she never thought we were a good match) and she was smiling smugly as she revealed it all. I felt like I was in a really bad nightmare.

I'm now trying to find a new place to live as soon as possible, but I'm terrified she's going to start blackmailing me, threatening to send all the diary entries to my boyfriend (I know if he read them word for word he'd be heartbroken). She's been urging him to break up with me for his own good, implying she actually cares about his feelings. She also doesn't seem to want me to leave our home for some reason (perhaps because she'd have to find a new tenant and she doesn't know or like most people).

I just don't know what to do. I feel like my boyfriend has every right not to trust me from now on and I'm half tempted to just show him everything I wrote (knowing it will break him), just so she can't hold it against us. Thing is, I half feel like he should leave me for this. My diary proves I'm too unstable for him and he deserves someone who doesn't have as many anxieties as I do, someone who finds him attractive always.

I'm just looking for some advice. A lot of damage has been done because of things I wrote and I want to know how to make it better.

oncemorewithfeeling99 Tue 10-Dec-19 23:06:58

That is the most appalling behaviour. She sounds unstable! How old are you all? If possible block her and get your bf to block her. Then threaten her with police and harassment if she contacts you. What utterly bizarre behaviour.

Redwinestillfine Tue 10-Dec-19 23:07:42

Police. They will take blackmail pretty seriously.

NeonPalmTree Tue 10-Dec-19 23:10:55

We're all in our twenties, but yes it feels like we're in high school right now.

She hasn't actually blackmailed me yet, but I'm just terrified she will do. She said the moment he asks to see them she'll show him. I know he won't ask but I just can't stop worrying.

VanyaHargreeves Tue 10-Dec-19 23:12:06

Never Ever Speak To Them Again.

Literally erase them from your life.

They are NOT your friend and they are without morals.

scoobydoo1971 Tue 10-Dec-19 23:12:27

Never write anything down you wouldn't want anyone else to read.
Never leave anything hanging about that other people can view without your consent.
Understand that 'friend' is enemy and a bit of a loser. Imagine being that bored and empty that you have to screenshot a diary. Get a life springs to mind! She must be jealous of you.
Find somewhere else to live asap. This girl sounds unhinged. Block her from your life and take control of the situation.
If girl persists with her campaign, report her to the police for harassment...because that is what it is. Stand up to meddling bully using official agencies.
Boyfriend should accept you for who you are. If he doesn't then he isn't the man for you. Perhaps the girl wants him for herself and this is some low and desperate attempt to get his attention.
Don't rise to the bait with this girl. She is an attention seeker. Don't get into a verbal dispute with her. Just leave.

Niki93 Tue 10-Dec-19 23:13:39

What a toxic shit friend! Get out asap. If she does happen to send more dates evidence to your boyfriend which sways his opinion, then more fool him! At the end of the day thats how you felt at the time and you are entitled to feel anyway you do, you are entitled to document it in a PERSONAL diary, and you are entitled to change feelings! What shes done sounds premeditated and shes waited for an opportunity. You need to get as far away from her as possible, and boyfriend needs to realise that too and support you.

Had you physically cheated on him and documented it in the diary and he seen, then yeah he can be mad and likely finish you. If however all thats in the diary is some of your unsure feelings you had years ago, then its totally ok and repairable.

Lastly. What a fucking bitch. She sounds TAPPED!

NeonPalmTree Tue 10-Dec-19 23:13:42

Believe me, I'm planning to block her from my life the moment I move out. Knowing her she'll apologise for the "way" she revealed it because she hates when people cut her out, but I won't forgive.

BumbleBeee69 Tue 10-Dec-19 23:14:56

Police.. right now OP.. do not let this scum blackmail you today or in the future.. flowers

VanyaHargreeves Tue 10-Dec-19 23:15:21

hates when people cut her out

If lots of people have cut her she needs to learn from her persistent odious cunt behaviour doesn't she?

BumbleBeee69 Tue 10-Dec-19 23:15:39

She might post all those photos on Social Media, then she WILL be breaking the law.

pallisers Tue 10-Dec-19 23:16:14

I begged him not to look at the photos and he obliged as long as I told him the truth

To be honest I'd be very upset at this reaction from your boyfriend. Your trust and privacy was violated in the worst way and his response should have been "how dare you violate my girlfriend's privacy, I won't look at one thing in her diary" not some sort of bargaining with you.

You are ENTITLED to your private thoughts and feelings. You DON"T have to share them with your friend or your boyfriend. You are an entire person who is entitled to explore her own thoughts and feelings without ANY responsibility to share or tell the truth (whatever the fuck that is). She is a deranged bitch - you need to get away from her. And he should be grovelling to you for not taking a principled stand on your behalf and for demanding you tell him what was in your diary (that is what he did - the fucker).

anon2000000000 Tue 10-Dec-19 23:16:14

Smash her phone up next time she leaves it somewhere.

NeonPalmTree Tue 10-Dec-19 23:17:09

Niki93 -- oh yes, it felt very premeditated, like she'd been waiting for the perfect oppourtunity. Otherwise, if she genuinely cared about him, she would have told him straight away.

No, I never cheated on him but sadly some of the entries about my doubts were fairly recent. It doesn't mean I don't love him but I've been going through some very low periods and I've been questioning a lot in my life. I'm currently in therapy so I'm trying to get better and I just hope boyfriend will understand.

NeonPalmTree Tue 10-Dec-19 23:18:30

pallisers -- oh, don't worry my boyfriend did stick up for me and he got mad at her for what she did (I missed that bit our of my post)

bigbowloficecream Tue 10-Dec-19 23:19:08

She doesn't want you to leave because once you leave there won't be any more visits from your boyfriend who SHE fancies.

BumbleBeee69 Tue 10-Dec-19 23:20:00

You are ENTITLED to your private thoughts and feelings. You DON"T have to share them with your friend or your boyfriend. You are an entire person who is entitled to explore her own thoughts and feelings without ANY responsibility to share or tell the truth (whatever the fuck that is). She is a deranged bitch - you need to get away from her. And he should be grovelling to you for not taking a principled stand on your behalf and for demanding you tell him what was in your diary (that is what he did - the fucker).

very well put... it's sickening what has happened to you OP. flowers

VanyaHargreeves Tue 10-Dec-19 23:20:39

Yes I'd be tempted to lob her phone in the toilet in the hope it wasn't backed up. The price of replacing it would be worth it.

Niki93 Tue 10-Dec-19 23:20:56

Shes exploited you at a vulnerable point in your life. She’d have knew you were struggling with your own feelings. Even if the entries were recent, so what? Thats your life, if writing your feelings down helps then good for you! If your boyfriend isnt happy with whats on there then i suppose its slightly understandable, but as the previous post said...if he cant get past it then he aint the one for you! He’ll either turf you and feel humiliated, or, he’ll wonder why you have so many insecurities and think ‘what can i do to help her through this if thats how she feels’.

Im furious for you. Fucking get her telt! Thats it yous are done! I wouldnt even let her get a word in edge ways. Xx

pallisers Tue 10-Dec-19 23:21:05

But, OP, you said he wouldn't read the entries as long as you told him the truth. That was very very wrong of him.

Mucky1 Tue 10-Dec-19 23:22:01

Wait till she's asleep go into her room steal her phone and smash it into tiny pieces. Then burn the diary! Im disgusted at both of their behaviour but hers especially. Can your boyfriend honestly say he's never had an a down day and let his mind wander and think things he wouldn't like to say to your face!! Your diary entry's are private thoughts how dare he demand to know them he doesn't have any rights to your thoughts and musings 😖

noworlater13 Tue 10-Dec-19 23:22:13

She deserves a kick in her fanny!!!

Also all you have to explain to your bf is that your diary is an extended version of your mind, a place to poor out your thoughts. He may not like it but at the end of the day you were free to write what the hell you wanted.

If you had been texting friends or telling people that would be hurtful but you can not help what's in your head

TARSCOUT Tue 10-Dec-19 23:24:21

That's awful. You might as well tell him everything as you are never going to rest for the fear of her telling him. I found some letters my DP wrote but never sent about 25 years ago and didn't quite like what I read but served me eight for reading them and I knew that (we are still together btw)

LuluBellaBlue Tue 10-Dec-19 23:24:35

I had a best friend steal and con huge amounts of money from me, but I wanted to give you these flowers and this cake as this is one of the nastiest things I’ve ever heard a friend do.

I’m so sorry. She’s a total bitch!!

You’re doing the right thing, get the hell out of there ASAP.
The awful part is I too write diaries, I’m always scribbling it’s very therapeutic even if half the tone it makes no sense. It’s a good way to thrash out various thoughts and options.
If your boyfriend doesn’t keep a diary or write himself it might be worth chatting to him about why you write.
About taking those deepest darkest fears, anxieties out of your head and onto paper and how it helps.

You’ve done nothing wrong by writing down any of your fears or thoughts. They all sound perfectly normal to me.

BumbleBeee69 Tue 10-Dec-19 23:26:59

I literally cannot express my horror at what this person did OP... shock

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