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Would you forgive this easily?

(14 Posts)
stupidisasdoes Thu 23-Aug-07 11:37:27

Hi have changed name. My DH can be a t#at at times but can't they all. Anyway, I have a file of exam certificates which i have gained over the last few years and from school. Me and Dh had an argument and he threw the whole file in the bath in a temper and ruined alot of them, many are crumpled now but readable.

I cannot get replacements and am angry at why he did it, why should I have ones that look like I didn't bother looking after them. He claims it was an accident, he didn't know what it was (yeah right)and just threw something in at random. Even so, it was very humiliating having to dash out and panic dry them. It's abit weird that i have to now hide them away from DH. What do you think?

EscapeFrom Thu 23-Aug-07 11:58:07

Depending on the circumstances, destroying your possesions and means of gaining employment is very clearly domestic abuse.

Now, I'm not going to say 'Leave him'. That would be an over reaction. But is this the sort of thing he does regularly? And was it under a lot of provocation or does he flip for no reason?

I would insist that he pays for replacement certificates from all the examining boards, fo a start.

RGPargy Thu 23-Aug-07 12:06:05

I had a boyfriend once who threw my mobile phone at the wall and broke it in a tamper tantrum. Pissed me right off! Wasn't the first thing he broke of mine either.

It's like they know it will get to you if they destroy your stuff.

No advice but i know how you feel!

stupidisasdoes Thu 23-Aug-07 14:16:33

Hi, I don't think he was provoked, he just gets angry and can't cope in an argument or under pressure. I can't even remember what we were arguing about, nothing major. He smashed my keyboard up once, threw it accross room and broke it but is not violent towards me directly, although he can call me awful things. Many years ago he threw a plate at my face and said he only wanted to throw the contents (food)-yeah right-and even that would have been humiliation. He likes to have his own way. We had counselling and he seemed to grow up abit.

I think he is abit jealous maybe that I have been studying to further my education and he knew what it meant to me to pass my exams, not sure why. He still denies he knew what he was throwing in the bath but I know he did, he thinks I am stupid to believe it.

doggiesayswoof Thu 23-Aug-07 14:27:51

Sorry, I think it's an awful thing to do - very childish - and so are the other things you mention, including the name-calling. I'd agree that trashing your possessions would count as domestic abuse. Doesn't sound like he has a lot of respect for you?

stupidisasdoes Fri 24-Aug-07 12:58:53

I don't feel he respects me that much, he always puts himself first and very selfish.

chocchipcookie Fri 24-Aug-07 13:21:06

I don't think he did it accidentally! I would just contact the exam boards and replace them (personally I wouldn't get into a discussion about him paying for replacements, that will just give him more of a reaction which is what he wants?) My ex regularly did things like this, then said it was all an accident. I would try not to engage with him over this work issue, just go about your business. Good luck!

expatinscotland Fri 24-Aug-07 13:27:34

This isn't an isolated incident. He has a history of this.

He's abusive. Throwing a glass plate at someone is abuse. Verbal abuse is about.

Get some help to figure out what your next course of action should be.

AngharadGoldenhand Fri 24-Aug-07 13:29:58

He is being abusive.

It's only your stuff he ruins, isn't it?

HappyDaddy Fri 24-Aug-07 16:24:04

Anghara makes a good point, he doesn't pick up his OWN stuff to throw, does he?

Chloe55 Fri 24-Aug-07 16:27:48

I would be extremely pissed off. It's such a disrespectful thing to do. Did he help dry them out when he realised what they were? I doubt it.

stupidisasdoes Fri 24-Aug-07 19:53:29

Hi he did not dry them out I had to get out bath wet and rush to dry them off, quite humiliating. He did buy me a new keyboard when he broke it, tried to buy me a crappy one but I said had to be same. No he doesn't damage his stuff ever.

AngharadGoldenhand Sat 25-Aug-07 12:59:41

In your situation I think I would organise some counselling, possibly through GP.
I would tell him that he, personally, had to sit down and email/print out a letter (for you to sign) to all the exam boards to get replacements.

I would also expect him to pay for replacements.

He claims he made a mistake - ok, we all do.
But someone who made a genuine mistake of this magnitude, would, I feel, be quite willing to do what he could to put it right.

A bunch of flowers and a meal out wouldn't go amiss as an apology, either.

Take care.

MrsTittleMouse Sat 25-Aug-07 16:23:51

I would be serious narked off. Surely he didn't have the file in his hand as you started the arguement???? So he must have purposely picked up the file to destroy, no?
On a practical level, my Dad managed to lose my degree certificates, and I was able to get copies from the universities without too much trouble, even though I was living abroad at the time. So the pieces of paper can be replaced.

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