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How the fuck am I supposed to feel?

(42 Posts)
AnotherMum76 Fri 06-Dec-19 21:55:16

Three years to the day that my husband committed suicide, how to he fuck am I supposed to feel?

MIdgebabe Fri 06-Dec-19 21:57:30

There are no rules. You feel whatever you feel. I could imagine that you could feel a huge range of things, including just numb. But How could anyone who hasn't been through that tell you?

You can have a hug if it helps

Gruzinkerbell1 Fri 06-Dec-19 21:57:41

I’m so sorry.

You feel however you want to feel. There’s no rules.

Feel free to talk about it here if you want.

Hope you’re doing okay.

Muchtoomuchtodo Fri 06-Dec-19 21:59:20

I’m so sorry OP.
You feel however you feel.
Grief is a funny thing. There are no rules.
How have you spent the day? x

Singlenotsingle Fri 06-Dec-19 21:59:39

You're not "supposed" to feel any particular way. Try to put it behind you. It's sad but there's nothing you can do about it now. flowers

AnotherMum76 Fri 06-Dec-19 21:59:38

I feel fixed and broken at the same time

readitandwept Fri 06-Dec-19 21:59:53

I'm sorry, OP. That must be absolutely hellish.

Whatever you feel, it won't be wrong.

Take care.

AnotherMum76 Fri 06-Dec-19 22:03:21

It's so confusing, it feels like others have moved on and then there's me, kind of moved on but not at the same time

MIdgebabe Fri 06-Dec-19 22:03:58

That sort of makes sense I think?

stophuggingme Fri 06-Dec-19 22:04:10

I think there are no rules. You feel the way you feel even if it’s just a “how am I supposed to feel”

Grief does a whole host of things to us and there is no right or wrong. That is what makes us human.

readitandwept Fri 06-Dec-19 22:04:36

Are you ready to move on? Or do you just feel that you should be?

Wynston Fri 06-Dec-19 22:05:25

I have no idea how you are supposed to feel???
Do you have dc??

Wynston Fri 06-Dec-19 22:06:24

Sorry op......i really am x

ParkheadParadise Fri 06-Dec-19 22:09:58

Personally I don't think you ever feel normal after a tragic event like that. You maybe move on to a new normal.

AnotherMum76 Fri 06-Dec-19 22:11:29

I'm sorry too. Grief just overwhelmed me for a moment. I have a teenager who I'm trying to support through this. Grief is a funny thing, just when you think you have a handle on it it fucks your up the arse. Onwards and upwards. Thanks to all who have read and replied.
Strength in unity and all that shite xxx

BustedDreams Fri 06-Dec-19 22:17:18

flowers

Wobblywibblywoo Fri 06-Dec-19 22:22:17

flowersso sorry, wish I had the right words for you xx

eaglejulesk Fri 06-Dec-19 22:24:26

There is no right or wrong way to feel - but today will be especially bad due to it being an anniversary. Hopefully tomorrow will make more sense. So sorry you have had to deal with this. Take care of yourself and your teenager. flowers Hugs.

Chinainmyhand Fri 06-Dec-19 22:26:15

How should you feel? Angry, cross, scared, relieved, lost, anything really, and everything in between. I hope you have support in real life.

ToLiveInPeace Fri 06-Dec-19 22:29:54

I'm so sorry for your loss. I imagine that however you are feeling at any given moment is very normal and often very conflicting. My DH attempted suicide twice and I have many different feelings about that, even now that some time has passed. You'll gradually feel more fixed, however un-linear that process is, and it's ok to feel better. I wish you all the best x

kleew1 Fri 06-Dec-19 22:32:16

flowers don’t apologise, it’s okay to not be okay, in 3, 4 or however many years after the event. So sorry.

IrregularCommentary Fri 06-Dec-19 22:34:04

I'm so sorry OP. We lost my bil the same way 15 months ago (today actually). Nothing compared to losing your dh, but I know some of what you feel. Fine fine fine and then this big wave as it hits you all over again out of nowhere. It's really hard. Look after yourself and I hope you have support when you need it.

thewalrus Fri 06-Dec-19 22:37:10

I don't know. However you feel is ok, even if it doesn't feel it. But if you're in the UK you're almost through the day. Anniversaries are shit. Tomorrow will be a bit easier. Just keep going.
I hope that sounds kind. It's kindly meant.

bubblesforlife Fri 06-Dec-19 22:38:55

I’m a child of the same situation.
It’s important to talk about it with your teenager. Don’t bottle it, it will have long term impacts if not dealt with.
Stay strong, you’ll eventually find a new normal and new happiness, it will be different but you’ve come so far, keep going, be kind to yourself.

Ohyesiam Fri 06-Dec-19 22:42:37

So sorry.
I lost my first husband at 26. I’m now 53 and I can say the loss really changed me, but grief did stop fucking me over after a few years.

I realise suicide must have an impact on the grief, so I can’t really be a voice of experience, but I found feeling whole again came in waves.

I do feel it ended up making me wise. I work with traumatised adults now and definitely have things to offer that I wouldn’t otherwise have had.

But thats the long term and i hear your current confusion and frustration.flowers

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