I don't have much of a sex drive but DP keeps going on about it which makes it seem worse. We do have sex sort of every fortnight so its not like its off the menu altogether.
Anyway at weekend he asked me if I was "ok" this weekend, by this he means "are you on your period" . I said I was fine so he replied "oh good cos I bought some condoms". .
So we went out for a meal and a few drinks, when we got back I had a REALLY bad stomach ache, the type where if you lay down you feel it spreading into your back but if you sit up you feel like you're going to explode.
I layed down in bed and had already told him that my stomach was killing me, he said his was too so we assumed it must be the curry we had eaten.
So I laid down flat to try and "stretch it out" and he automtically started touching me , I told him I was in quite a bit of pain and if he just left me alone for a bit I would be ok in half an hour or so. He then moved my hand to his willy and tried to make me "play" with it. I repeated that I felt quite ill and could he leave me alone for a bit so he replied "you know, if you dont feel like sex you could always use your mouth..." I was starting to get really pissed off and told him I wouldnt be doing anything until my stomach ache had gone. With this he turned over and went to sleep!!
Next morning I stayed in bed until gone 10am (kids at their dads) and couldnt lie there any longer listening to him snoring like a pig so got up and went to get in the bath, an hour later he came plodding downstairs saying he desperately needed the toilet , I said he couldnt lie in bed until dinner time and then expect everyone to stop what they are doing when "he" decides to get up so he went in a mood asking me to hurry up.
When I got out the bath he rushed in, made it stink then came out asking why I hadn't woke him up for sex! I told him I had other things on my mind and wanted to get a bath.
So, an hour later the kids are due home in a couple of hours and so I said to him "what do you fancy doing? shall we go out somewhere?" so he "Joked" that we could have sex I gave a fake laugh in a sort of "yeah but really, what should be do for the day?" and he added "well we could...if you wanted to..." .
So I snapped and said "I'm trying to think of somethink we could do for the whole day" and he replied "sorreeey" in a whiney school boy voice.
So, is it me or is it him? honest opinions appreciated.
It could be that he's sex mad and doesn't care about your feelings, in which case, buy a blow up doll, wrap it up and give it to him and tell him you quit, but you found a replacement.
It could equally be that he feels insecure and is looking for reassurance. Constantly seeking sex can mean the person wants to feel loved, or wanted. When you reject him sexually, he sees it as a rejection of him. You don't want sex = you don't want him
Oh dear. He is being a bit of a tw*t. And coming over as thoroughly repulsive in his attitude to you. I am trying to think how 'using your mouth' would actually be preferable when you were feeling ill???
However I think you need to talk to him and explain why he's doing it wrong. If he thinks you don't care for him he may be desperate to get some attention from you. For men 'attention' tends to mean attention in the groin area .
I think it's both of you. When in this situation myself I have explained that the sex stuff follows being emotionally close and doing ordinary things together. Once emotional closeness is there most women can be as 'up for sex' as their partners it's just men can be more easily horny without the emotional side of things being positive.
So, I suggest you agree to make space for sex after also agreeing to do some nice hum drum things together. You are on different communicative planets at the moment by the sounds of things and that is the problem. It doesn't sound as though he is being deliberately inconsiderate to me.
He sounds just like my h. I don't partic like mine, he irritates the hell out of me, and if i have to give in for sex, i tend to find it a big chore. Sex drive is fine, fancy it loads, just not with him. I know im horrid, but he is just like op describes her dh, and it really is annoying