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why does he get off on torturing me?

(11 Posts)
neverfeltthisdown23 Tue 03-Dec-19 00:47:02

i dont even know where to start i feel so low im really worried about my mental health and having horrid thoughts all the time as cant stand anymore of my partners punishments ( this is what i call it he calls it teaching me a lesson )
its all too much now he never used to be this bad but since i fell pregnant and had the baby the nastiness ramped up 100% more threats more hands on and even less i had to do to set him off
people will say i know just leave but for various practical reasons ( i dont want to say incase anyone he knows is on here ) it really isnt that simple and would take time rather than just pack your bags bye
hes really clever hes never horrid to me infront of anyone EVER or by message whereas ive sent horrible messages in the past when hes called me up n made me cry and not let me get a word in .... he says he will use my messages against me if i split up with him
no one sees the rest though and its getting worse and worse
i was hoping someone might chat to me whos been in the same situation and tell me how to cope with it on a day to day basis or ideally try and stop him doing it as its getting too much far too much i dread waking up every morning now as i dont seem to have enough mental energy to get through the day all i do is worry what he will do next

Sandals19 Tue 03-Dec-19 04:59:41

whereas ive sent horrible messages in the past when hes called me up n made me cry and not let me get a word in .... he says he will use my messages against me if i split up with him

Use them how? If it's related to custody,I doubt there's anything in then he could use successfully.

Please talk to women's aid. You should fade a local office or there's an online live chat now for them. MN have a thread with a link at the top of this forum.

That sounds miserable and awful. He sounds like an abusive bastard.

Do you have any family or friends who could help you (as well as women's aid)?

Also this book is good;

Sandals19 Tue 03-Dec-19 05:00:19

*have a local office

Sandals19 Tue 03-Dec-19 05:09:43

I can't find the thread in here about the new women's aid live chat service (thought it was "stickied" at the top but no) but this is a link.

Pinkbonbon Tue 03-Dec-19 05:36:04

Definitely speak with women's aid.

Is there any way you could take your important documents (passport) ect to a safe place to leave?

And could you just go away for a few days at first to clear your head?

Often they keep us under such mental stress that wee live in a fog. Just getting totally physically away for a few days (and blocking all contact) can help lift it.

And tell people. Those you trust anyway. Not jerks like him. Tell them every shitty thing he has said and done.

Pinkbonbon Tue 03-Dec-19 05:37:12


category12 Tue 03-Dec-19 06:06:37

Speak to Women's Aid, op.

Sticking it out is bad for your mental health and for your baby. There's more to life than this.

It really doesn't matter what he says he'll do with the messages. Blackmail is an actual crime. No-one wants to see that kind of thing and would judge him for sharing. Fear of what people think is not a reason to stay with someone who is abusing you, making you sad and risking your mental health and wellbeing.

GertrudeCB Tue 03-Dec-19 06:21:42

You poor love, please follow the previous advice and contact Womans

AgentJohnson Tue 03-Dec-19 07:31:54

You NEED to get out! Pregnancy and motherhood are triggers for arseholes to ramp their abuse up because they think in your newly vulnerable state, you are less likely to leave.

He was always guy, he was just biding his time till and now you’ve got the full arsehole experience.

There’s nothing that you can do or say that will stop him choosing to be an abusive arsehole, the only option you have to protect your child and their mother, is to GET OUT and get out NOW.

JorisBonson Tue 03-Dec-19 08:00:21

it really isnt that simple

OP it really is. This will continue and escalate until the unthinkable happens.

Protect yourself and your baby and get out.

ohsobroody Tue 03-Dec-19 08:31:52

I'm not just going to tell you to leave because I know from experience it really isn't that simple.

Why don't you tell us some of the things you think will make it practically difficult and we can offer some suggestion, a second eye on a situation can really help.

Can you give a very rough idea of where you are (not too identifying) people might be able
To suggest local suggest local organisations

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