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for my reaction?

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whatdoidooo Fri 15-Nov-19 11:07:45

DP and I had a friend over yesterday for a visit. DP is the type to give his opinion or view on a lot of things, which is fine, but he does it a lot when he's not asked.

Friend was talking about spirits, haunted houses etc. I love that sort of stuff so was listening as she told us about a woman who lives near her and has spirits in her house. Said woman was speaking about it on a radio station and the producers paid for Paranormal Investigators (idk if that's what you call them?) to go to her house and investigate. They confirmed she did indeed have spirits. Whatever, friend told us because she lives near this woman.

She hadn't even finished the story when DP starts his rant. "those people aren't qualified, just money grabbers. all they do is confirm that you have spirits. i hate naive people. My issue is they're not qualified blah blah blah, she needs to see a clairvoyant...' like he has to have an issue with everything. this rant went on for 5 minutes and i was just sitting there like an absolute dick. mortified that he wouldn't shut up and let her finish the story properly, and the fact that he went on and on. she never did finish it. friend (knows us both well) said that he was being negative, which he denied. the other day, i pointed out to him that he was being negative about another matter but he's like "no, i'm not but...".

i walked out after his rant because my head was melted from it. he followed me out and asked if i was ok and that he was jut giving his opinion. i told him it seemed like he loves the sound of his own voice. i said this to him away from friend, but now i'm disrespectful, hurtful and out of order.

i'm just tired of it. he is 41 years old and still acting this way. i've told him i can't do this anymore as it's such a one sided relationship and i'm sick of it. we have two DS together and the oldest started preschool at 9.30 this morning. I don't drive (can't afford to learn) so DP is the only one who can take him in. He told me this morning, at 8.50am, that he wasn't taking him in as it's DP's birthday today and it's HIS day. he told me to arrange a lift for DS so i did. Friend was on her way to pick me and DS up (who was nearly late) and DP told me that he'd take DS in.

so he made me arrange a lift, then cancel it when friend was nearly here. i can't be arsed with his games.

whatdoidooo Fri 15-Nov-19 11:10:07

he's quite grumpy when it comes to a lot of things. we had to fill out a form yesterday about a community centre in our village and he ticked ' no, i wouldn't support a community centre in the village'.

there's just so much.

SquareAsABlock Fri 15-Nov-19 11:12:48

He was rude, but he wasnt wrong. I assume you're of a similar age to him, and if be rather embarrassed by a partner in their 40s actively engaging and believing such nonsense. These clairvoyants are complete charlatans, but he shouldn't interrupt your friend in that way, however frustrating it was listening to it all.

SquareAsABlock Fri 15-Nov-19 11:13:38

Not understanding the bit about the community centre, why is it a bother if he chooses not to support it?

whatdoidooo Fri 15-Nov-19 11:18:26

i'm 31.

the form we got was asking for opinions on what they should do, cooking classes, exercise classes, places for friends to gather, a cafe etc. lots of options. he doesn't want most of them because 'it'll be full of old people. we won't use anything. it'll be full of cliques'.

i thought we were to fill the form out as a household but he told me to get another one because he wants nothing in the area, and i'd like to see some more things bringing people together.

SquareAsABlock Fri 15-Nov-19 11:23:11

He sounds a very blunt person, has it got worse recently? To be fair, I've recently stopped using my community centre due to very cliquey behaviour but that is obviously not necessarily what will happen at yours.

Yarboosucks Fri 15-Nov-19 11:24:23

You do not need any form of qualification to identify spirits in a house. So your DP is completely wrong.

I have zero paranormal qualifications and I know we have gin, vodka and whiskey in the house.

Bluntness100 Fri 15-Nov-19 11:25:33

Well as a pp said, he wasn't wrong, not many folks could listen to that sort of woo batshittery for any length of time without intervening.

He changed his mind on the lift, meh and if he doesn't wish a community centre for whatever reason, he doesn't wish it.

Look you clearly don't like each other very much, or you don't like him, so end it.

whatdoidooo Fri 15-Nov-19 11:28:01

@squareasablock gets worse as he gets older. i mean he was slagging off kids from CBeebies the other day. i called him out on it and he said he was joking. utterly ridiculous. he doesn't talk to many people, he doesn't like the people around here and bitches about them. 'that woman looks like a man, this woman is a stuck up bitch, that couple are rude'.

AryaStarkWolf Fri 15-Nov-19 11:30:06

The lift thing would annoy me more than the spirit thing (eventhough he was rude not to let her finish her story)

whatdoidooo Fri 15-Nov-19 11:31:44

@Bluntness100 so his behaviour of telling me to arrange a lift for our son is ok, just so DO could sulk in bed? he tells me he likes me relying on him to get places but he cannot do that with our son who needs to go to school. he only changed his mind at the last minute when DS's life was almost here.

VaggieMight Fri 15-Nov-19 11:32:18

I'm not sure clairvoyants are any more qualified than paranormal investigators.

The birthday thing is weird, but all the things you describe might or might not bother some people.

It doesn't sound like you like him much OP.

whatdoidooo Fri 15-Nov-19 11:32:21


Sunflowersok Fri 15-Nov-19 11:34:08

It’s a tricky one this, I understand where you are coming from if he’s negative and opinionated all the time but he’s entitled to give his opinion in a conversation surely. I suspect there is a lot more going on than what you have detailed in your post.

As for the not doing the school run, do you stop being a parent on your birthday? hmm

Sunflowersok Fri 15-Nov-19 11:34:49

OP that text message is vile

GiveHerHellFromUs Fri 15-Nov-19 11:37:50

To be fair I think "you love the sound of your own voice" is a lot harsher than "I didn't agree with what you were saying and you didn't give us chance to discuss it with you" so I can understand him saying you're disrespectful.

He's obviously upset with you but taking it out on DS is pathetic.

AtrociousCircumstance Fri 15-Nov-19 11:38:19

It’s not a tricky one. This arsehole was arguing that one kind of woo-woo was ‘better’ than another. And the issue isn’t even the subject - it’s about an overbearing, oppressive man trying to be dominant in the middle of a relaxed chat - it’s about someone behaving like a complete prick, regardless of topic discussed.

The game playing sulky nasty crap about ‘my day’ and not driving his own son to nursery just underlined what a nasty piece of work he is.

Commiserations OP - you chose a really substandard partner. LTB.

mbosnz Fri 15-Nov-19 11:38:46

That text message is OFF. If you'd said your 16 year old son had sent you something along those lines, I'd find it more believable than that a grown man in his forties with two children had sent that.

SquareAsABlock Fri 15-Nov-19 11:39:38

The school run is absolutely him being unreasonable, and that text seems extremely childish without context.

The rest though, I mean it's just opinions. Honestly, I couldn't put up with a partner getting invested in such utter waffle as paranormal activity, so bar rudeness it's very difficult to see him as the unreasonable one there. The community centre and Cbeebies thing is not really anything major, but if he can't give his opinion without some level of manners either he needs to work on that or leave him.

whatdoidooo Fri 15-Nov-19 11:40:39

@sunflowersok there is resentment there. he isn't working, hasn't been for ages now. i'm up at 5am every morning with both kids, i cook breakfast, lunch and dinner for all 4 of us. i do bedtime with both kids every single night. i don't get 'me time'. DP goes upstairs to read for a few a hours everyday. if we argue, he'll storm upstairs for the day and night. he can go out whenever he wants in the car. went and got himself pizza last night. i do all the housework. he offers to help sometimes and it is always half assed so i don't bother asking him. he is happy to let me do everything. wow that just all came out, sorry.

Lllot5 Fri 15-Nov-19 11:41:00

Well he’s not wrong about all the spirit shit your friend was spouting.
Some people just like the sound of their own voice though. Sounds like he’s one of those. Can’t see him changing much now so up to you what you do about it.
Not much help I know but that’s my view.

Whatnameisgood Fri 15-Nov-19 11:43:39

So he told you at the last minute that he wouldn’t be taking DS in to school? Previous agreement that he would, then just announced in the morning that he won’t? Really selfish, irresponsible behaviour and nasty text. And I can imagine how constant negativity can be really wearing (though I’m not that surprised he was rude about the paranormal stuff, if he’s lie this anyway)

Honeyroar Fri 15-Nov-19 11:43:45

That text message is awful. What a selfish, uncaring father.

Lllot5 Fri 15-Nov-19 11:44:01

So in view of your update.
It’s not that he was overbearing while talking to your friend it’s that he is a lazy, rude and unpleasant man. So what are you going to do.

Honeybee85 Fri 15-Nov-19 11:44:14

The spirit stuff was rude and annoying on his behalf. I hate it when people who think they know everything are being so patronizing towards others with a different belief.

But the really concerning part is refusing to drive your DC to preschool. Looks like he is using him to play powergames with you and that is really not on!

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