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Found out last night hubby been texting explicit stuff to sister

(109 Posts)
Tomtomx Thu 14-Nov-19 23:28:01

Hi

I am new here. Looking for opinions please.

So for the past 7 months my husband of 5 years has been messaging my big sister. My sis is 10 years older than us both.
So at first it was normal chat and she replied. Then flirty chat such as commenting on her face and body. After that my sister shut him down . Bear in mind she calles my husband her little brother and has done for years. She never told me and her reason was because she did not want to hurt me. And was hoping it was my hubby being stupid and he would get the hint.

He then started messaging her and insulting our sex life. Something like. " I have needs that my wife cannot meet, i have tried no point. I feel embarrassed asking her for something. I am a man i have needs i cannot help it, stronger than others. I think about doing it with others, your picture is not helping, take it off. "Tell me how to fix this problem, can you help me, i have always been into all types of women not just one (meaning sleeping with more than one). Sometimes i wish i married the wrong sister, see it is thoughts like that. Your husband is lucky to have you". Stay pretty. My wife use to wear nail polish not anymore, i miss it. Do you wear it. You look about 18, not 35. Can you help me tell me what to do with these desires and thoughts. Its fine maybe i should work on bringing the spark back in my marriage. Please dont tell my wife she will end the marriage. I am ashamed but i am a good man deep inside i just have needs. When she would ignore messages. He would say "i am having problems with my wife just need someone to talk to".

All chats were initiated by him. My sister shut him down and also told him to speak to me if there are issues there.

She saved the chat on her phone. And showed me telling me she did not wanna hide it any longer
He deleted his chat.
I feel like he was trying to get her to flirt back or try and sleep with her.
Telling her heels and nails are hot does she wear nailpolish. Wish he was older.
His response is.. it was just friendly chat and then i was just joking to get a reaction out of her. I do not fancy your sister never have. I lied and said we have problems in our marriage so she would give a reaction. It was entertainment for me. Yeah now that i look back it was probably flirting he says. But he says he had no intention to sleep with her. And that our sex life is fine. Yet he told my sister it isnt and showed her that he wanted her. Seems like he created fake marital issues in order to justify his flirting and potential affair with my sis. (My sis would never sleep with a man she calls her little brother.

The thing is my husband has been texting and deleting messages off his phone. She was innocent with her texts so saved them there.
She says she messaged him as a brother and then realised he was flirting so blocked him and was afraid she would ruin our marriage if she spoke up.

What do you make of all this.
When she would ignore him he would text " where were you hiding" and then the texts off him start again.

What made my sister tell me is that she unblocked him with the hope that he as a grown man got the message that he crossed the line. 24hrs after being unblocked from 5 weeks of being blocked.

He texts "did you block me"
She lied and said her whatsapp was not working and she lied and said she had family issues to fix.

"Ok i have been having some issues myself so i know what u mean i am here if you need to talk"
She texts saying ok.

"I did something big" OH
"What. Sis
"God forgives me i hope" OH
"Omg you cheated on my sister" sis
"It makes me happy. OH
"I have to tell her it feels like i am betraying her if i don't" Sis

"No don't besides you dont know what i am talking about" OH

'She will find out you know" Sis

"What she does not know cannot hurt her"OH

"did you cheat" sis

"I CANNOT confirm or deny" OH

So now OH says he has not cheated (he goes to work and comes home and eats out and plays snooker so i dont think he has cheated. Hope i am right. He says he did it to get a reaction off her..

How did my OH not worry that my sis would eventually tell me all the texts he sent?

If he was going to flirt and hint at her for sex, why choose my lovely loved up with her OH sister and not some lady at work etc??

He played with fire. And was not afraid?

He says he was bored and friendship led to flirting but he does not fancy her or wants to sleep with her. Not has cheated? Or has he?

What is all this? Is he crazy. How did he act like he was not flirting with her when she was around in person yet do it on text. Like two different people.

If OH can flirt and attempt to hint for sex with my sister. Surely he can do this with a random lady.

So now he is begging me to forgive him. But not going to lie. I am hurt. I feel inadequate, lied to, deceived, like how he has been sneaking around to text. Thoughts? Do i let it go.

Tomtomx Thu 14-Nov-19 23:28:51

There are more texts but my eyes are shutting. Thanks.

Fleetheart Thu 14-Nov-19 23:31:11

I think he is childish and not to be trusted. I would LTB.

AtrociousCircumstance Thu 14-Nov-19 23:31:54

No, you don’t let it go.

You let him go.

He is pathetic - he can hardly string a sentence together, he’s been completely disloyal to you and of course, he cheated.

Honestly what are you doing??! He’s an embarrassment. Why would you scrape along on the floor on your belly humiliating yourself for someone as crap and pointless as this?!

Grow a backbone woman. You can do it.

tableanadchairs Thu 14-Nov-19 23:31:55

Forgive him. Absolutely not.

Game over

justilou1 Thu 14-Nov-19 23:32:39

Whether or not he’s put his dick in another woman, he’s trying it on with your sister. Luckily she’s not playing. He can’t be trusted. He certainly has no respect for you. Bin him.

justilou1 Thu 14-Nov-19 23:32:58

Oh and take him for everything you possibly can.

GreenTulips Thu 14-Nov-19 23:33:43

When I read posts like these, what strikes me is that it’s always about him, what he says, what his thoughts are what his actions are, what he say his needs are

Just stop for a minute and ask ‘what do you want? What do you feel? Where do you want this to end?’

When you know those answers, then you can ask for help.

Bezalelle Thu 14-Nov-19 23:34:00

Get rid of this absolute Neanderthal.

MarianaMoatedGrange Thu 14-Nov-19 23:34:29

Do i let it go

You let HIM go. What an absolute prick he is to both you and your sister.

MsPepperPotts Thu 14-Nov-19 23:37:08

He sounds absolutely vile.
A disrespectful liar, a cheat.
He has zero respect for you or your marriage.

Closetbeanmuncher Thu 14-Nov-19 23:37:18

What a snake.

That would be the end for me I'm afraid...

Don't waste your life on a cheat and compulsive liar.

TinyTempahh Thu 14-Nov-19 23:39:14

Your sis is amazing, lose the deadweight, if he hasn't cheated already it's a matter of time.

Provoking a reaction my arse.

Interestedwoman Thu 14-Nov-19 23:40:01

He's sleazy, thick, probably arrogant too. He was either too thick to think your sis would tell you, and/ or arrogant enough to think she'd be impressed so wouldn't tell you as she was up for it.

He doesn't sound like he has any redeeming features. Please LTB. xxx

Branleuse Thu 14-Nov-19 23:41:53

Do you even need to ask? Have a bit of self respect. He is disgusting. Hes cheating on you , he admitted it to her, and hes also being vile to your sister.

wildcherries Thu 14-Nov-19 23:42:19

What a pathetic man. And involving your sister is so fucking dumb. Don't feel inadequate. Get angry and get rid of the manchild. I'm so angry reading this.

ThatsMeInTheSpotlight Thu 14-Nov-19 23:44:51

Of course you don't let it go! He deliberately targeted your DSIS because it's a double betrayal. What a horrible man. At least your family already know what he is like and can help you to get away from him.

75Renarde Thu 14-Nov-19 23:49:21

Absolutly disgraceful behaviour.

How sure are you he goes to snooker? Amy independent and unbiased witnesses?

So sorry OP flowers

WhenPushComesToShove Thu 14-Nov-19 23:50:34

Sweet Jesus, why on earth would you stay with a man like this? You cannot trust him and he does not respect you to put it extremely mildly. Definitely without a shadow of doubt LTB

sunnyblossom1 Thu 14-Nov-19 23:53:09

Op you really need to think about whether this is someone you want to spend the rest of your life with. Sounds like you will always be looking over your shoulder and won’t be able to trust him. To be sending messages to your sister is like saying he can do what he wants and you’re not going to do a damn thing about it. I am sure you can find someone you’d be much happier with and someone who can respect you and your family.

SandAndSea Thu 14-Nov-19 23:55:06

Yuk! This all sounds pretty distasteful.

I agree with GreenTulips in that you need to focus on what you think and how you feel.

Do you like him?
Do you respect him?
Do you trust him?
Do you think he is loyal to you?

Sorry you're going through this. flowers

Happyspud Thu 14-Nov-19 23:57:57

I can’t believe you have to ask. We’re you never taught to value yourself because honestly, nobody deserves to be or stay with a piece of shit like your husband. Sorry to be so blunt but I’m just hoping something will filter through.

PeopleWhoRun Thu 14-Nov-19 23:58:06

This is so awful I almost can't believe it OP.

If I were in this situation I could not married to such a buffoon. To say all of those things to your SISTER of all people. God only knows what he's saying to other women.

He doesn't deserve you. You shouldn't let this go.

Find your self worth, stay close to your sister - she'll help you be strong. Bin the bas**rdflowers

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett Fri 15-Nov-19 00:01:02

My god, your poor sister having to deal with that and keep quiet so not to hurt you. Go to her, ask her what you think you should do. She will give you the right answer and help you stay strong.

Iamallatsea Fri 15-Nov-19 00:06:56

If there is any good side to this he has betrayed you in the worst possible way, there is no going back from this. Don’t try and unravel the picture he is just a regular creep nothing special.
He’s too lazy to look very far for an affair or just so arrogant that he thinks any woman even your sister would be flattered to have his attention.
Your poor sister did everything she could to shut him down, she must have been worried sick for you and then she knew she had to tell you without knowing how you would react. She must love you a lot, to risk you cutting her off in favour of that disgusting man.
He obviously banked on her not telling you, what if instead of having the courage to tell you she had blocked him and stopped spending time with you, you might never have known how awful he is.
Obviously if your sister had said yes he’d be straight in there.
Who else is he trying it on with, who has he succeeded with?
Let your family help you in getting shot of this excuse of a husband.

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