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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Bad morning! DP and DD! Help!

63 replies

BleughFedUp · 09/11/2019 10:59

Up since 6am with baby and suspected ADHD 3 year old trying to keep them quiet so DP can have a lie in til 9 ( we take it in turns on the weekend).

We have 4 DC, three older ones (DS 8 DS 11 and DD 14) are mine from previous marriage.

Older DC spend alternate weekends with their father. He moved away a few years again and has a new family (young DD and new baby on the way).

DD didn’t want to go this weekend as she has her period and is very tired and not feeling great. It’s a 10 hour round trip to their fathers. They leave today and return tomorrow.

This is the only evening DP and I get a fortnight without older DC in the house so DP is put out that DD is here, although won’t admit it. He says he’s annoyed as she’ll just spend all day on her phone in her room and it’s unhealthy and making her introverted which is true.

I have told her if she’s going to be here all day she cannot spend all day on her phone in her room. She can watch TV or shows on the IPad. She has flipped out and called me a control freak.

DP has said he’s going to work this morning and we’re no longer going out for lunch as DD won’t want to come and we can’t leave her home alone without her phone.

I’m pissed off with him and also phased off with the way she’s spoken to me.

OP posts:

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LannieDuck · 09/11/2019 11:06

They do a 10 hour round trip every other weekend? That's ridiculous.

BleughFedUp · 09/11/2019 11:11

Tell me about it ... That’s another story!

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AnAngryElf · 09/11/2019 11:11

Why can't she have one day just being in her room on her phone? That's all I wanna do when I'm on my period. Give her a break.

Todayisontheup · 09/11/2019 11:12

@BleughFedUp Give her some space. I am also on this weekend and want to stay in bed, but I have to go out.

If I had my way, I would stay in and relax. There are some days I have more energy than others, but yesterday the pain was soo bad that I could barely move but had to work.

If she was his child, would he be trying to get rid of her from the house? When you have teens, you have to go with the flow.

BleughFedUp · 09/11/2019 11:13

I don’t think it’s good for her. She becomes very down and moody. She already spends a couple of hours a day if not more on her phone during the week and it’s become a habit that at weekends she’ll just sit up there on her phone all day and all evening.

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BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 09/11/2019 11:14

If she is feeling crappy enough that she wants to stay home this weekend then why can't she just lay in bed on her phone?

Timetobegood · 09/11/2019 11:17

I thought the same. What’s the big deal about letting her do that occasionally?

AnAngryElf · 09/11/2019 11:17

Isn't that just part of being a teenager? Moods are up and down constantly? Maybe just say she can have today but tomorrow she has to be more sociable.

priceofprogress · 09/11/2019 11:19

I’m with your DD, you’re being weirdly controlling to try and put arbitrary limits on how she relaxes. She’s a teenager, old enough to decide what she wants to do to chill. Plenty of adults spent all day reading or socialising on their phones, why can’t she? Especially if she’s not feeling well!

priceofprogress · 09/11/2019 11:20

Are you sure it’s not your DP who is anti DD using her phone and you’re just going along with it blindly?

Winterdaysarehere · 09/11/2019 11:20

Yabu to control how she deals with her period.
And your dp is a twat.

Undies1990 · 09/11/2019 11:20

Your DP is behaving like a sulky child.

Leave your DD alone if she's feeling poorly today, poor thing. A few extra hours in bed with her phone is probably what she needs right now.

As for the 10 hour round trip every other weekend, can we have a new thread just to discuss opinions on that?!

GlitchStitch · 09/11/2019 11:21

Sounds like you only told her she can't be on the phone because your partner moaned about it. She's not feeling great, what's the difference between her being on the iPad or a phone? I don't get it. But then I don't get parents tolerating their partners resenting their kids presence either.

BleughFedUp · 09/11/2019 11:22

We had an issue with her being groomed a while back so are wary of her spending hours on her phone alone in her bedroom.

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Hidingtonothing · 09/11/2019 11:24

Would you let DD spend the day how she wants if your DP didn't have such a problem with it? Who really thinks it 'makes her moody', you or him? It's DD's home so totally understandable that's where she wants to be when feeling crappy, bit worrying that DP is 'pissed off' that she's there tbh

fernandoanddenise · 09/11/2019 11:24

Can’t she just have her phone while you for lunch?
Your DH sounds like he is throwing his toys out the pram. I feel for your DD. Home should be where you feel wanted, loved and relaxed. Not resented.

BleughFedUp · 09/11/2019 11:24

She said she wants to watch Netflix so have given her the iPad. I’m wary of her spending hours on Instagram, snapchat etc. After what happened.

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Witchinaditch · 09/11/2019 11:25

Why can’t you leave her home alone without her phone? And why does it matter if she’s on her phone while you’re at lunch? If she’s not well and been at school all week maybe you two are being a bit controlling (I’m not saying she should be on it all day) but give her a break for two hours and you get to eat lunch with your DP

Witchinaditch · 09/11/2019 11:26

Ah sorry just saw grooming update! That changes things.

AnneLovesGilbert · 09/11/2019 11:26

While you might have concerns about her phone use this isn’t the day to start stressing. If you’ve been looking forward to a quiet child free weekend then her hanging out in her room doing her own thing is the closest you’ll get.

Go for lunch! She’s 14. When I was 14 I was looking after handfuls of children baby sitting and didn’t have a phone. I’m sure she’ll be okay at home by herself with or without her phone.

BleughFedUp · 09/11/2019 11:27

Would you let DD spend the day how she wants if your DP didn't have such a problem with it? Who really thinks it 'makes her moody', you or him?

There is a marked difference in her behaviour when she’s been on her phone all day, there really is. She had it confiscated for a week (apart from school or going out) a while back and she was a different girl.

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AnneLovesGilbert · 09/11/2019 11:27

Okay x post. Of course you can leave her without her phone while you go for a meal. What do you worry will happen?

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BleughFedUp · 09/11/2019 11:28

That first paragraph above was meant to be in bold

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GrumpyHoonMain · 09/11/2019 11:29

Honestly it sounds like you are punishing your DD for preferring to stay at home rather than do a ridiculous 10 hour round trip every other weekend. Have you even taken your ex to court to try and stop this for the good of your children or is it so convenient for you and your DP and the kids you have together that you haven’t even bothered?

Honestly the three of you sound like shit parenrs

BleughFedUp · 09/11/2019 11:29

Okay x post. Of course you can leave her without her phone while you go for a meal. What do you worry will happen?

True.

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