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Called the police on DP

(99 Posts)
Fightingmycorner2019 Thu 07-Nov-19 21:40:41

Have been accessing some help and one person asked me why I never called the police on his shouting
So tonight it kicked off , and I left the house and called non emergency line
They were very nice actually
Now nervously waiting for the door to knock
It’s a busy city and I know they have a lot to deal with
But it’s going to kick off , maybe
Anyway just sharing
I can just about take him shouting at me but it’s been at my 11 year old , who was too scared to come home from school
Anyway - sorry had to say it somewhere

readitandwept Thu 07-Nov-19 21:42:24

Give your kid a hug and be proud of yourself.

EmsDods Thu 07-Nov-19 21:44:33

can’t read and run so just to say well done for that. Stick to your plan and you’ll be okay. They should help you and at least run through risk assessments etc with you. Good luck

Winterdaysarehere Thu 07-Nov-19 21:47:27

I was on the phone to a friend once when dh started kicking off.. He snapped the phone line. Luckily friend sent the police here. No regrets about getting them involved op. You have shown your dc you can step up and protect him.
Now take it all the way.

TowelNumber42 Thu 07-Nov-19 21:48:44

Whose name is the house in? Can you stop him coming back in?

Fightingmycorner2019 Thu 07-Nov-19 21:50:31

He blames me for my sons unhappiness as I let him play Xbox and he ate all his Halloween sweets
Despite this he doing well at school and is doing pretty well for a new school

He really can’t see that my son is fucked up because he is simultaneously scared of but loves his dad

I tell you I have dealt with him screaming at me for years but my son ? No . Just cannot be borne
Anyway they still haven’t knocked !

12345kbm Thu 07-Nov-19 21:51:05

Well done. You should be proud of yourself. Have you thought about calling Women's Aid for some advice? No one's saying flee to a refuge, but sometimes it's good to know where you stand. 0808 200 0247 or you can email for a less urgent response: helpline@womensaid.org.uk

Well done for being strong.

Startingoveragain1 Thu 07-Nov-19 21:52:52

Well done op. Hold ur child tight and carry on. You are strong.

ChampagneCommunist Thu 07-Nov-19 21:53:10

Well done! You are so brave for taking this step!

Fightingmycorner2019 Thu 07-Nov-19 21:53:23

I’m on the freedom programme ! Had SS investigating but they didn’t take it further

Tomorrow I need to be super brave and call a lawyer

He just tells me what a shit mother I am

Fightingmycorner2019 Thu 07-Nov-19 21:53:35

Thanks everyone

12345kbm Thu 07-Nov-19 22:01:53

Wow it's superwoman! Look at you. Amazing. Please make sure you're safe my sweet.

Hecateh Thu 07-Nov-19 22:10:45

AND if you are at all worried concerned, call the emergency number. It is a valid 999 call

AskMeHow Thu 07-Nov-19 22:19:22

Well done OP. No advice, but you've done a brave thing. Hug your kid and I hope the police get in touch soon.

welshladywhois40 Thu 07-Nov-19 23:20:30

I hope all works out well tonight for you. Do you have a safe space they could take you and your son to if needed?

Always a good idea to have a plan of where to go and how to get there and even a spare key hidden away at the bottom of your bag.

I had the police come and get me after the neighbours were concerned about the shouting and they did try to help.

Sending big hugs to you. Well done for being brave

Fightingmycorner2019 Fri 08-Nov-19 07:15:39

They never came
I just want him out which should be simple but is ridiculously NOT simple

I think I need a
Lawyer

MrsAgassi Fri 08-Nov-19 07:20:26

That’s terrible.

Well done for being brave enough to make the call. Women’s Aid will be able to give you some advice.

Fightingmycorner2019 Fri 08-Nov-19 10:07:37

You will all have experienced this but the fear I have of telling him it’s over is so immense

Your mind gets fuxked up

Like we all know you don’t shout and scream at a little 11 year old
You don’t make them too scared to come
Home

But when I try and say that he screams and shouts me and makes out I am the bad one

I have a huge paper trail I just need to tell him and DO IT

Anyone who has done this has my admiration
It’s fucking hard man !

12345kbm Fri 08-Nov-19 10:52:19

That fear will save your life, so listen to it. It seems as though you are all set to divorce, well done. You've got to the point where you realise the relationship is not going to get better. I don't think you realise how well you've done and how far you've come.

There's no point arguing with him as he's not going to listen to you. He's one of life's ragers and he's a bully. There's not going to be a personality transplant so this is who he is and he could very well get a lot worse, so it's simply management at the moment.

Are you in contact with a domestic violence organisation to help you leave safely? I know you've done the Freedom Programme and that's amazing. However, have you worked out a way of leaving safely?

You might find the CABx website useful for the divorce process: www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/ending-a-relationship/how-to-separate/getting-a-divorce/ The CABx can help with finding a suitable solicitor or Rights of Women.

Fightingmycorner2019 Fri 08-Nov-19 13:11:58

It’s interesting when you say ‘save life’
At this stage it’s all verbal and financial
So massively impacts morale and mental health

But never physical . But if that’s the case why am I so scared and what exactly am O scared of ? I guess on some level there Exists a fear he would tip over
I hope I am wrong

Honeybee85 Fri 08-Nov-19 13:15:47

It’s mental abuse to both you and your child OP.
There is something seriously wrong in your home and you are brave enough to step up.
Its hard now but you should be really proud of yourself flowers

WeeDangerousSpike Fri 08-Nov-19 13:29:19

OP, what you've just written is so big. It's such a huge realisation, that you are potentially in danger. It's really important that you hold onto that, and like pp said, listen to the fear. It's trying to tell you something, don't ignore it.

That realisation can take forever, your already several steps ahead.

Please remember that abusive partners are at their most dangerous when they are losing control. Call 999 if he kicks off again, it's a perfectly valid use of the emergency number.

Fightingmycorner2019 Fri 08-Nov-19 15:38:48

Thanks . I don’t feel very courageous

It’s just so messed up in my Head

On a logical level I know that the behaviour is wrong . I know that you don’t explosively rage . I know that you don’t refuse to work . I know that we are all on eggshells .

But I blame myself

Coolwinter Fri 08-Nov-19 15:46:04

Well done OP.

Am separating from DP too and he absolutely screamed at me in front of our child. I had to leave the house as I felt so upset.

I finally got an appointment with a domestic abuse organisation and sat there embarrassed saying ‘he’s a good man much of the time’ and ‘he has never been physical’ and I’m not sure this is abuse. Financially I’m very vulnerable too.

Do you know what they said? Next time phone the police or tell him if he doesn’t stop you will call the police.

But never physical . But if that’s the case why am I so scared and what exactly am O scared of ? I guess on some level there Exists a fear he would tip over
I feel exactly the same way.

The woman counsellor told me it will just get worse.

Coolwinter Fri 08-Nov-19 15:51:10

Be careful leaving. Call women’s aid or better still visit a local centre in person.

I saw someone last week.She is going to see me every week. Do it like me OP? They asked if he went through my things? He doesn’t but be careful. I don’t feel in grave danger but you know, I feel uneasy. I am thinking of my safety. You should too. Don’t tell him you are leaving. Tell women’s aid you are leaving and make a safe plan.

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