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So I found viagra

(44 Posts)
justranout Tue 05-Nov-19 19:22:24

He was away the night before my 40th this weekend. See other depressing thread.

Just went through his bags. Cos he's out again like last night. And found a packet of viagra with one missing. Delivered to boots at the train station.

I'm livid. And we'd just had a conversation where he said he still wanted to come to relate on Thursday. I'm so so angry.

I've put my key in the lock and told him to fuck off. It's not my finest hour but I don't know how I'm going to put the kids to bed I'm shaking.

Scott72 Tue 05-Nov-19 19:32:41

Is there any other evidence he's cheating on you though?

justranout Tue 05-Nov-19 19:34:11

He's already told me he fancies other people. He doesn't want to be with me.

He said he hadn't done anything physical though (his dad did and he always said he didn't want to be like that)

I believed he'd had an emotional affair. But now I don't know

pontiouspilates Tue 05-Nov-19 19:34:16

Didn't want to read and not post. Howb awful for you poor. I actually think you've done exactly the right thing by putting your key in the lock. You can bet your life he will lie to you about how they came to be there. Buy yourself some calm before the inevitable storm. flowers

pontiouspilates Tue 05-Nov-19 19:36:14

Sorry if previous post made no sense, posted on mobile without wearing my glasses. Sentiment remains though OP, look after yourself.

Savingforarainyday Tue 05-Nov-19 19:36:17

So, the alternative is that he tried one out, and walked around with a stuffy for hours?

Savingforarainyday Tue 05-Nov-19 19:36:40

That would be *stiffy

justranout Tue 05-Nov-19 19:44:30

It seems a massive coincidence. He's away for the night. He arranges for viagra to pick up at the station beforehand. There's one missing from the pack.

I can't think he just wanted it for the erection/thrill.

God it's just depressing. I saw the dr on Monday and he asked if I wanted to up my sertraline and I said no. Wishing I had now

notapizzaeater Tue 05-Nov-19 19:51:14

Far too many coincidences ((Hugs))

justranout Tue 05-Nov-19 19:51:20

I just rang him. He said he took it to see if he could get an erection.

Then he lied and said it was a few days ago. I said I knew it was when he wasn't here.

Then he lied and said it was just for fun. Then he said he was hoping something might happen.

I do believe nothing happened but the fact that he was actively looking for it makes me feel sick.

Startingoveragain1 Tue 05-Nov-19 19:58:07

Fuck @justranout ....now you know why he had been the way he has... i wonder if mine is too... as they say a man doesn't often want to end a marriage unless they have something else lined up... shit op... on the other hand... he is a cheating cunt and now you can just fucking hate him. Im so sorry... fuck these men... im still in limbo, had a few cries today, im losing it, i had been doing alright and now im losing it . Sobbed on my ds's shoulder today (with the pretext the dog had a wee on the sofa) ... hope you get some rage in you. It must be much better than the agony . Hugs

justranout Tue 05-Nov-19 22:01:12

@Startingoveragain1 thank you. thanks so sorry to hear you're still in limbo. It's so hard. Bless your dc. My ds7 gave me a big hug tonight and I know he knows what's going on. It's heartbreaking.

He said he's on his way home. I'm stressed. I don't have the right to lock him out of the house. It's a joint mortgage. But I can't bear him at the moment.

I also rang a friend who was lovely. And I wish I'd been there more for them. But I'm also hoping they'll do the shitty work of spreading the news.

I have to go to work tomorrow. In the same office as him. It's a nightmare

heartburn888 Tue 05-Nov-19 22:48:07

Can you take a few days off AL?

He shouldn’t be coming back when things are like they are, can he not go to a family members or friends?

justranout Tue 05-Nov-19 22:53:58

He's back and pissed I have taken the viagra
He keeps saying he doesn't trust me to have it? Like I'd embarrass him at work with it.

I'm freelance. So I don't work I don't get paid. I have a feeling once this kicks off I won't be getting any more work anyway so I need all the work I can get.

0hforfoxsake Tue 05-Nov-19 23:45:54

Exactly the same happened to me.
I flushed it, his panic was about not having it than me finding it.
I’m sorry, but you already know he is lying.

RoseToes Tue 05-Nov-19 23:54:47

I’m so sorry Op

MsDogLady Wed 06-Nov-19 01:41:24

OP, I am very sorry. Your H is treating you with utter contempt, telling one lie after another about the Viagra.

It is likely that he has been cheating. You have previously written about his coldness and indifference toward you. He has emotionally checked out and says that he no longer loves you, but has not left home. He expects you to accept a ‘friend’ relationship where you all play happy families in public.

Get angry and tell him to get out.

JasminNeal Wed 06-Nov-19 05:17:38

Exactly the same happened to me.
I flushed it, his panic was about not having it than me finding it.
I’m sorry, Fildena 100 but you already know he is lying.

ffswhatnext Wed 06-Nov-19 05:27:48

If he has told you he doesn't want to be with you, then why are you trying to fix things?
Yea love and all that. But do you want to stay with someone who has been as plain as day and told you this?

Fancying other people isn't important. We all fancy people even when in relationships.

justranout Wed 06-Nov-19 05:38:57

I don't want to fix things now. I didn't know it had got to this. I've thought about it all night. And yes. I agree. He was lying. He fucked someone. I'm just devastated.

He's not the person I thought he was. He really isn't.

He said last night I was twisting things in my head. God he's gaslighting me too. I found viagra after he went out and it's all in my head?!

He stomped around last night. Pushed me around to get the viagra until I shouted at him. He packed a bag. Said he was going to find somewhere to stay for a week to give us some headspace. He can stay there.

How can he have done this. I don't get it
My little one climbed into bed with me last night. So i got a nice cuddle. Just have to keep it together for the dc

0hforfoxsake Wed 06-Nov-19 06:53:36

It isn’t easy, but it’s ok. I’m a few years down the line now. There was no going back from this.

Give yourself some time to come to terms with it.

CalleighDoodle Wed 06-Nov-19 06:58:10

Well he showed his nasty side quickly didnt he. At least you saw it and can move on easier than if he was still pretending to be a decent man.

justranout Wed 06-Nov-19 07:08:57

He's left. He said he's booked an air B and B for a week. He was really nasty. He had pure hatred in his eyes. Shouted at me not to turn the kids against him. Fought me when I tried to shut the door. Kids saw it all.

It's both of their birthdays coming up. He said he wants to take dc1 out to buy a bike this weekend. It looks like he'll be Disney dad then. I can't afford that.

I'm exhausted. And now I have to go to work.

Heismyopendoor Wed 06-Nov-19 07:20:24

Wow op, he is a complete and utter dick!! You will be blessed to not have him around. I know it doesn’t seem like it, but things will get better.

You need to go and see someone about a divorce.get all your ducks in a row as they say.

justranout Wed 06-Nov-19 07:47:33

I can't believe I misjudged him so much.

Yes. I have arranged three initial meetings with solicitors. Will have to find someone good. He won't pull any punches. I'm worried now he's not going to pay the housekeeping money to me on Friday. I use all of it on gas and electric and food.

Thank you for all your support. My heads all over the place. God I don't know where to start. I don't even know how much he earns exactly as he's had so many pay rises.

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