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DH caught cheating a 2nd time. Have thown his sorry arse out.....but what now?

(36 Posts)
Fleek123 Tue 05-Nov-19 17:18:56

Evening all. I will try to make this short....but really need your guidance.

4 years ago, I caught my husband of 15 years cheating with a work colleague. We separated for a week or so, decided to give the relationship another go. Fast forward 4 years and I've caught him again! This time it's over. I found out last weekend and he moved out yesterday. He has agreed to pay half the mortgage and bills for the next 2 years when our fixed rate mortgage comes to an end and then we split the equity 70/30 (70 to me and the kids) My question is do I need to see a solicitor and get him to put this in writing ASAP? And do we go together to sort this out? Thank you xx

Mum4Fergus Tue 05-Nov-19 17:22:53

In my experience, anything they agree to can be taken with a pinch of salt. Protect yourself and seek legal advice.

SheruMoo Tue 05-Nov-19 17:27:50

I'd push for the divorce now. 2 years is a very long time for him decide actually he'd like 50%.

forumdonkey Tue 05-Nov-19 17:35:08

Absolutely and do it while he's feeling guilty. Years down the line when the dust has settled, he'll not be quite as reasonable as he currently is. This may especially the case if your life moves on positively and definitely if your life moves more positive than his has.

I agree with PP divorce and settlement now

user1481840227 Tue 05-Nov-19 17:37:38

Absolutely protect yourself!

A huge amount of men backtrack on promises very shortly after moving out!

Winterdaysarehere Tue 05-Nov-19 17:38:45

He hasn't been honest regarding your marriage vows so why would you take his word now?
Seek legal advice tomorrow..

PlasticPatty Tue 05-Nov-19 17:40:23

Definitely legal advice asap, and don't give way, don't be generous, don't even be fair. When he catches his breath he'll short-change you any way he can.

Bluntness100 Tue 05-Nov-19 17:41:53

Seek legal advice separately and yes get a financial agreement legally agreed.

Notonthestairs Tue 05-Nov-19 17:42:53

Independent legal advice. Don't forget pensions and any other investments.

DidntLikeRugbyAnyway Tue 05-Nov-19 17:45:17

Absolutely seek legal advice. You cannot rely on his word.

WooMaWang Tue 05-Nov-19 17:47:25

You should file for divorce now (for adultery) and see a solicitor to agree a consent order.

Anything short of a legal agreement and he can (and probably will) go back on things. After all, he wasn't so good at sticking to the 'forsaking all others' bit of your previous agreement.

Elieza Tue 05-Nov-19 17:50:27

His word will change when he has a gf wanting to buy a house together next year or whenever. So prior to that while he still feels guilty get whatever you need signed.

Fannybaws52 Tue 05-Nov-19 17:53:10

He lies on repeat. You cant trust him. Go see a Solicitor and get ALL that you are owed because playing fair got you betrayed twice so time to stick up for yourself!

Fleek123 Tue 05-Nov-19 17:57:43

Thanks so much for your responses. Yes I will make an appointment tomorrow. Thank you x

Alfiemoon1 Tue 05-Nov-19 18:50:00

So sorry you are going through this I agree get legal advice now he can’t be trusted

Mum45678 Wed 06-Nov-19 14:19:48

So sorry that he has done this to you again. Definitely get everything agreed now while he still feels guilty. Good luck with it.

Fleek123 Wed 06-Nov-19 18:52:37

So I have booked an appointment for Monday with a family law solicitor. Can somebody advise me how this works please? As I mentioned in my first post, he has initially agreed to a 70/30 split re equity in home. Will the solicitor draft an agreement up, he signs it, and then it's legally binding so he can't change his mind? Is it that easy? I've not mentioned a divorce, but once the above is sorted and he has signed over 70% to me, I will ask for divorce straight away. Thank you again for all your advice x

TigerDater Wed 06-Nov-19 19:12:56

You don’t ask for a divorce. You petition the court for a divorce on the grounds of adultery. Immediately. The 70/30 split etc will be part of the financial settlement

Figgygal Wed 06-Nov-19 19:14:31

Agree with others no need not to petition now just because of your mortgage arrangements don't give him opportunity to change his mind

glitterfarts Wed 06-Nov-19 19:38:19

Don't forget his pensions and any savings too, they need to be split also.

Fleek123 Wed 06-Nov-19 20:24:18

I just think that if I mention a divorce he may get all upset again (he still thinks there is a chance of reconciliation) and go back on the 70/30 split?

Fleek123 Wed 06-Nov-19 20:26:26

Also on the counts of adultery, he is not going to admit this. He's only admitted to sexting, snogging and hand holding! smile this is obviously bullshit but this is all he's admitting to.

RhubarbTea Wed 06-Nov-19 20:35:15

If he's likely to change his mind about 70/30 just because you mention divorce, it doesn't sound very settled or certain as a proposition anyway! far better to divorce now and make a clean break, even if you end up with slightly less than that. The relief will be palpable. Don't let him keep you hanging on, it's just another form of control. Fuck that!

RhubarbTea Wed 06-Nov-19 20:36:06

And you can still get him for unreasonable behaviour, surely? He's broken your marriage vows.

EdWinchester Wed 06-Nov-19 20:39:29

Fgs don't agree to this. Get a proper settlement. He should be contributing for the children until they're out of ft education, plus possible spousal support and your share of any savings/pension.

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