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Family who don't ask about your life

(106 Posts)
BuildBuildings Sat 02-Nov-19 19:53:30

I've just spent some adult only time with some of my family (mum, sis and) Just women going out for lunch, intitated by me. This is rare as my sis has a toddler (who I adore) so a nice treat. I've come away feeling a bit flat. One of the things I really notice when I spend time with them (my dad is the same) very rarely does anyone asks questions about me or my life. So never say how are you, how's work, what you up to. I ask things like this to be interested in their lives and feel I carry the conversation a lot. Just wondering if anyone else has family like this? Does it make you feel bad too?

BuildBuildings Sat 02-Nov-19 19:54:29

*and gran that was supposed to be!

Singlenotsingle Sat 02-Nov-19 19:59:49

I think when a child arrives, that child is the focus of everyone's attention. How is the child? How are they progressing, are they talking, what food do they like etc. They're the future, the new generation. You are someone who they all know, so if you want to talk about your life, don't wait to be asked. Just do it.

BuildBuildings Sat 02-Nov-19 20:10:54

I think this I probably true! I do like to talk about her too as I do love her lots. But they were like this way before child arriving. I'm just venting I think.

BentleyBelly Sat 02-Nov-19 20:19:20

I have a family member like this. Find it quite upsetting that they obviously don't care about me or my life. I must admit I have backed right off in recent months and not made any effort as I got sick of it never being reciprocated. It makes me sad and I do miss them in a way too.

MondeoFan Sat 02-Nov-19 20:27:04

My family are like this and I have 2 DD they don't ask about DD at all, my youngest started school in September this year and no one asked how she got on or if she enjoyed it. My parents only ask about me and how's work, how's my car, how's next door neighbour, have I seen so and so. But never ask about my DD's and that is their granddaughters.

Pessismistic Sat 02-Nov-19 20:43:06

I think this happens more than you realise I wonder if we just take each other for granted In families or if there was anything to tell them you would say. some people are just selfish and self absorbed with their own life’s and not interested. are you ok? Do you need to tell them anything or is it just the lack of interest in you personally?

StayClassySally Sat 02-Nov-19 20:49:43

Do they always do this or is it just sometimes? I have family that does this. All very self involved and all complaining that the others are too self involved.

Sometimes I will call one of them and I'll watch the timer and see how long it is before they take a breath and think to ask about my day. Mostly I don't mind but every so often I do have something important to say and I do get upset.

I think it's quite common unfortunately.

Fairyliz Sat 02-Nov-19 20:50:32

Tbh I find more and more people are like this nowadays. I often find I have spent time with friends/family and although I have asked about their lives no one has asked me a single question.
Not really sure what the answer is.

BettyBooJustDoinTheDoo Sat 02-Nov-19 20:56:28

Family, friends, work colleagues you name it everyone I know is like it, the person on the Sainsbury’s checkout is more curious about my life then anyone else I have mentioned, (and that’s only because there are told to interact with the customer). We live in a me me me society, it’s not pretty.

Overtime2019 Sat 02-Nov-19 21:11:53

My family is really bad for this as even though we all live close by each other I can go weeks without speaking to any one of them due to the fact that they just don't seem interested in talking to me but will quite happily talk to my sister every day but to me it's their loss as their the ones missing out on my kids

maybejustmaybe Sat 02-Nov-19 21:15:33

I could have written that post. I still do the meetings, get myself ready each time to just accept what I get from them (as having no contact isn’t something I want to go for). But I usually feel flat afterwards. So I limit it.

ExcitedForFuture Sat 02-Nov-19 21:19:29

Yep. My family are like this. I've been going through a divorce this year and 1 person has mentioned it once! They're all fucking shit and probably wouldn't notice if I dropped off the face of the earth.

NightsOfCabiria Sat 02-Nov-19 21:23:13

I agree, it’s very common.

The only people who seem curious about me are strangers. People who know me never get beyond “how are you” or worse, “hey.” Whenever anyone asks how I am, I’m tempted to start a monologue ‘newsreel’ of my life just in case I dont get the opportunity again. I’ve noticed that as soon as I say hello to some people, they just launch into their newsreel without drawing breath and then, when theyre finished, they just wander off. Very rude.

Puffthemagicdragongoestobed Sat 02-Nov-19 21:25:36

Yes, just had this with my brother and sister in-law. Sil probably spent 95% talking about herself, her kids and her family. And bragging! Zero interest in me or my family. I have decided to stop asking the for meet-ups, felt really flat like you say. And we already only see them only twice a year. In the end it’s family, you can’t choose family, you can only choose if you want to spend time with them.

BuildBuildings Sat 02-Nov-19 21:41:30

Thanks so much to all of you who have replied. I really appreciate it. It's so sad to hear many of you are in the same situation with family. But it's helpful to know it isn't just me or my family! I don't have children and can imagine it's that little bit harder when you do.

In general I have been trying not to make too much one sided effort. But my sister is pregnant and I wanted to be supportive. I thin at times when I see more of my family and do more for them I notice that gap more.

DrPimplePopper Sat 02-Nov-19 21:43:29

Yea same here with mine and DH's family. Our kids always seem second best to my SIL's, we never get asked about and yet have to listen to everyone else talking all about them

pallasathena Sat 02-Nov-19 22:04:57

Totally sympathise. My lot are exactly the same , so much so that if you introduce a topic into the conversation that doesn't cover gossip, the cost of groceries or other mind numbing topics, you're immediately accused of being snobbish!
I'm not, as a consequence, the most popular family member...and I really don't give a damn!

BuildBuildings Sat 02-Nov-19 22:05:57

@Pessismistic for example recently I've had some news about my fixed term contract at work. I doubt they would remember I'm on a fixed term contract. Let alone remember it's coming to an end. So it is quite hard when there are big things going on.

I just feel like I'm always going to be hoping for something that isn't there.

Accountant222 Sat 02-Nov-19 22:23:13

I've recently realised my sister hates me, not interested whatsoever in me. I'm several years older and in a better financial position, she's really resentful

feelinghelplesstoday Sat 02-Nov-19 22:28:10

All of my sisters family are exactly like that but in such an extreme way I've been NC for a year. If it doesn't revolve around them then they are not interested

Pessismistic Sat 02-Nov-19 22:37:43

I get you maybe you should text the news and see if they come back and ask you about it. I hope your ok and know your not alone I think people just think your ok unless you tell them otherwise. Maybe next time you meet and your asking how everyone is and the don’t ask you when your leaving say oh I’m fine thanks for asking or I’m feeling low but thanks for asking they might take notice then.

ssd Sat 02-Nov-19 22:38:53

My family are like this
It's horrible.
I totally limit contact now.

puremagic Sat 02-Nov-19 22:56:45

I've got friends like this. Whole meet ups and they don't ask how you are. It's unbelievably ill mannered imo.

ssd Sat 02-Nov-19 23:01:24

See, I wouldn't be friends with anyone like this. Family you can't help, but friends you can.

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