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Feel sick

(78 Posts)
SulaBear Sun 27-Oct-19 07:36:14

Getting in bed last night. Promise on the cards, all dressed up for the occasion. Long standing issue with him being obsessed with trusting me through no fault of my own.

He asked who had liked my recent posts on insta, also asking questions if I've ever done anything on my phone I shouldn't etc. Told him I'm no longer in the mood and he does his nut. I've explained to him before it's quickest way to turn me off! Goes on about how important it is to do it last night as he must have it again Monday. I said I'm not doing it I don't want to. Then he tells me I better to it tomorrow else it'll be 3 days and Monday as well as Monday very important to him. He can't even tell me why Monday so important?

I told him it's not acceptable but he doesn't get it. He told me I'm unacceptable for leaving things like that before we went to sleep even knowing full well I've told him it's not acceptable to ask the questions he does. He wants to know what I'm going to do to make it right. I've had a bad stomach all night through stress.

unicornsarereal72 Sun 27-Oct-19 08:02:05

This is not a good relationship. But you know that. You should feel loved and safe. Not sick and frightened.

Please think long and hard about what you want.

areyouafraidofthedark Sun 27-Oct-19 08:05:58

Please tell me you don't have children or live together?

ShitOnIt78 Sun 27-Oct-19 08:10:27

He is abusive, you need to leave. He will not change and it will not get better. Please protect yourself and go. Do not tell him of your intention to leave, do it whilst he is not at home and speak to Womens Aid for support.

Collision Sun 27-Oct-19 08:12:28

Good grief

This is a terrible relationship.
Please tell me you know that and you are going to leave.

Cocoaandbedsocks Sun 27-Oct-19 08:12:31

You have to leave.

AlternativePerspective Sun 27-Oct-19 08:13:17

What you intend to do about it????? Mmmm well now let’s see...... I would get rid of him for a start.....

What is your relationship setup OP?

Techway Sun 27-Oct-19 08:24:39

I told him it's not acceptable but he doesn't get it

He does get it but he just doesn't want to hear you. If he heard you then his behaviour would have to stop. These men are obsessed with getting their needs met and will bully in order for you to comply.

He will blame you so that he never has to alter his behaviour or accept responsible. If he is insecure he has to deal with those emotions but he won't so he has to control you. It is caused by poor emotional development and maybe learned behaviour from his childhood. You will never fix it as he has to understand he is the issue.

Please please listen to the sick feeling in your stomach, the stress can cause illness as your body is in fight or flight mode and your lack of good restful sleep will add to the risk.

What are the circumstances of housing? Do you have children?

HisBetterHalf Sun 27-Oct-19 08:27:44

Why are you with him?

category12 Sun 27-Oct-19 08:28:36

You're in an abusive relationship, op. Can you speak to Women's Aid?

TheoriginalLEM Sun 27-Oct-19 08:29:46


nomoreclue Sun 27-Oct-19 08:33:03

Disgusting. Utterly disgusting.

notacooldad Sun 27-Oct-19 08:42:04

Please listen to your body.
The suck feeling is a warning.
Everything in your post is wrong , from him asking the questions about your phone to him saying what you did is unacceptable.
This usnt the first time he has acted like this and it wont be the last. You ate going to live in a perpetual state if stress. Stress causes other serious ailments. He is not good for you.

OkayGoooouuuuuullllll Sun 27-Oct-19 08:46:17

Run for the hills op

WhoKnewBeefStew Sun 27-Oct-19 09:11:19

Leave him OP.

Thatnameistaken Sun 27-Oct-19 10:26:54

This is pretty toxic op, please take the advice above and get away from this man.

Cobblersandhogwash Sun 27-Oct-19 10:28:32

He sounds mentally ill.

quincejamplease Sun 27-Oct-19 10:30:17

You are being abused.

Zoflorabore Sun 27-Oct-19 11:12:02

Please tell us you didn’t sleep with him in the end?
That sick feeling in your stomach is the fight or flight... listen to it.

He “must” have it on Monday? Says who?

When people project like this over infidelity claims/phone/social media likes etc it’s usually because they have something to hide themselves.

SulaBear Sun 27-Oct-19 16:17:01

No I didn't sleep with him. Argument is still ongoing as he feels it was unacceptable to leave things like that last night. He said he can't help the questions he asks so but I have to help how I respond to them and help him better with his problem. I'm really at a loss.
I've told him to leave for tonight at least because I'm so tired and don't feel well. He's been on at me about who has liked a social media post from last night. A guy I used to chat to before I was with him apparently likes all my posts that don't have him in it. He thinks I'm encouraging it. I don't post often. He's basically said if I don't delete him he'll call him to tell him to stop persuing me. I don't feel he is Persuing me. I've not heard from the guy since I've been in a relationship.
My nut has been completely done. I feel broken but I still hope he'll change

Quartz2208 Sun 27-Oct-19 16:20:46

How long have you been together

He won’t change

1forAll74 Sun 27-Oct-19 16:27:52

He sounds horrible and very immature, and is not worth knowing a minute longer. But it seems that social media stuff,makes some people very insecure, and they are weak minded obviously.

Mumof21989 Sun 27-Oct-19 16:33:37

He's horrible. My friends partner is like this and we no longer speak because on top of this he's an absolute control freak. He made her one by one give up her mates, move away, have sex with him every morning. Horrible bully. I think you should end it!

AnnaNimmity Sun 27-Oct-19 16:47:36

God how awful. The opposite of a loving relationship.

My ex was the same - he wanted it every morning and evening no matter what. (very coercively on occasion). My ex also the same about me talking to anyone (male or female) else. Sex was one way to control.

I'm now in a relationship where I feel so much less pressure. And it's great. That isn't normal OP. Have you got anywhere you can go? Or can you ask him to stay away?

AnnaNimmity Sun 27-Oct-19 16:48:43

@Mumof21989 he sounds exactly like my ex. Stay there for your friend - she may need you soon.

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