Is it all my fault ? story about Mrs And SD

[kzrg283]

Basically my Mrs sister is threatening me with prosecution after my stepdaughter opened up to her about me being horrible, now i'm going to start from the beginning.

ok the prosecution is about me calling my stepdaughter a s**g and that it only took me 3 dates to bed her mother i did say this but i was intoxicated although this is no excuse and I had no idea why I said it think I was angry at her for something, but before you all kill me let me go further.

Basically it all started going wrong when my stepdaughter was 13 and she wanted a boyfriend, i advised my girlfriend to put her foot down and to not let her have a bf as she is too young and too naive and it would upset her studys and gcses, she decided to let her out, that same night my SD came in bursting through the door with mascara streaming down her face like she had been crying, i said whats wrong she said nothing and went to her room, i knew instantly something was up and tried in her best interest to not let her out again which was met by aggression by her mother, i later found out about a year later that she was raped by this boy which her mother knew about but didn't inform the police, as she was under 16 is it not the mothers responsibility to get this person prosecuted regardless if her daughter wanted to do it or not ? I don’t understand why she didn’t do it as this person has also done similar to other girls. But rather mrs go for him i'm the target for only words.

I admit that ive said stupid things to her but SD admitted to me that her mother has told her that she originally wanted an abortion and that she didnt want kids and she was a mistake, i've always wanted good things for SD i always said to her that I want her to do well and to study and go to school university etc or if she didn’t want to do that just get a job earn your way get some respect see what its like to earn a living, tidy her room, help your mother, have respect for the people that keep a roof over your head and respect yourself a little more and be wise amongst the world. I’ve tried various tactics to try and scare her so she would try and see sense, but none of it worked and I had no backing from mother as she appeared to not be bothered and has taught her nothing about life because all ive witnessed is material parenting not emotional or love just material and that is why SD is what I describe as a entitlement princess the more she got away with the more arrogant she got and if I asked her to do anything she would text her mother and make us argue just so that she would not have to do it she knew her mum wouldn’t tell her to do anything and would always back her. SD did no cleaning her room was disgraceful like a drugs den, left litter plates and off going food and bloodied tampons on the floor, even asking her to do her chores was met with a text to her mum which would cause an argument between me and mrs. SD even stole money from her mother and blamed it on me, she was never punished for this and has never been disciplined hence her arrogance was allowed to grow and grow to a point she felt and feels untouchable.

Another thing my mrs has stated recently of how horrible i was SD and her BF, first of all Mrs went over my head and made a decision for them to live with us during uni didn't discuss it with me didn't ask me or anything, i went along with it at the time but they were both sleeping in bed till 3pm everyday were not cleaning or doing anything and judging from past experience with SD i wasn't comfortable because i knew it would have been me picking up the extra bills and cleaning while mrs would have had to do the cooking which in turn she would have took the frustration out on me as per usual, mrs told me numerous times to keep quiet when SD's BF was studying they were making him out to be like some god i thought to myself why should i be quiet when i pay the bills ?, i tried to break the ice with SD's BF but none of it worked, to add to this he made me uncomfortable as he is a paranoid schizophrenic, i was blamed for them splitting up because when the bf was away on holiday i had gone to meet some friends for the first time in many months, i was originally going to stay at my mothers but decided to return as i had seen on our dog camera that the dog was in a dark room with the door closed and this upset me, when i got home i saw the dogs water bowl empty and the food bowl empty this would have stayed empty for 2 days had i not returned because SD had shut the door on him and switched the light off, as i entered the house i saw SD in the other room with another girl and 2 other boys which was strange to me, in the morning i texted her bf just to check if he knew about this and if it was ok with him, he said she was being weird and that she was studying, they broke up on holiday but i later found out that he didn't break up because of what i said but a range of things mainly because she was so close to her mother and he didnt like their close relationship, but SD and mrs blame me for the break up, although i agree i should not have interfered but i meant no malice.

I've always tried to help SD and even though now we don't talk and she’s now 20 and moved out to university, she's come between me and her mother for 8 years i still want good things for her and her to go on and be successful.

Regarding the Mrs i clean the house, look after the dog, wash my own clothes, make my own tea, she's been gone to her sisters for 2 weeks nearly and my life don't feel any different as it has not made any difference if she's here or not because when she's here it feels like she ain't, when she's here i had anxiety and heart palpatations and they have completely stopped since she's been gone. I feel peace.

I almost feel they or Mrs is a narcissist mrs has barely contacted me in 2 weeks simply saying she will talk to me at some point and she needs space, her daughter was involved in an accident recently and mrs told me this accident brought all the bad memories of how ive treated SD and her BF at the time and how she should have left. I admit my faults but I never meant no malice and wanted a good life and tried to show SD some direction and discipline.

Mrs does not admit to her and SD faults is she or are they both narcissistic ?

[rvby]

Why have you been trying to discipline, "scare", "put your foot down", etc? This isnt your child...?

[clpsmum]

You sound like the narcissist to be completely honest.

You called your SD a slag omfg 😱 you texted her boyfriend to shit stir in their relationship.

I think you'd all be better off if you went your separate ways tbh

[kzrg283]

Not exactly scare ever since her trauma i tried to make her see sense and that you cant trust people out there as there are a lot of bad people around.

But she has also caused a lot of trouble in my relationship as said even asking her to do simple chores was met with aggression and a text to her mother which caused us to argue.

[DBML]

Oh dear. You all sound completely dysfunctional. I feel for your SD.

[rvby]

i tried to make her see sense and that you cant trust people out there as there are a lot of bad people around.

You told a young rape victim that she shouldn't trust people and that there are bad people around? Why the fuck would you tell her that? Has she not been hurt enough, do you want her to develop a phobia of people and never leave the house?

Why would you give your step daughter chores?

Why were you trying to discipline and control a teenage girl???

[rvby]

Agree with pp, the adults in this situation all sound desperately in need of therapy, parenting classes and giving your fucking heads a wobble.

[kzrg283]

I think it comes out different on forums, just to be careful out there.

Not chores exactly but to keep your room clean and to tidy up after yourself i said this in a nice way and no i didn't try to control a teenage girl.

Do people read the comments about what moms said to SD and how ive been treated or is it a one way street.

[Quartz2208]

Leave op you don’t like your partner and find it easier without her.

[kzrg283]

I'm not understanding this, i have loved them both, i tried to teach discipline and direction to sd so that she grows up with some values which were met with aggression no matter how nice i was.

Same with mrs i cleaned the house, looked after the dog, wash my own clothes, make my own tea so that she does not have to do it.

[rvby]

i tried to teach discipline and direction to sd so that she grows up with some values which were met with aggression no matter how nice i was. this was never your role. If you thought you were meant to do this, then the relationship was doomed from the beginning.

End the relationship. Read some books about healthy relationships or watch YouTube videos on the same subject. Learn the basics of what healthy relationships are supposed to be like. And if you date a woman with kids again, remember that they are not your kids but hers. If shes a shit mother, dont continue the relationship because you can't rescue a whole family by pretending to be the dad.

[kzrg283]

She asked me to be the dad, i even told her to let SD go see her real dad but still refused, never did she stop me when it was going wrong, which i don't understand and i don't understand why she did not call the police when she knew what had happened to her and i could not go over her head as she would have gone mad, i was horrified when this had happened to SD.

[kzrg283]

I originally said i didn't want the step dad role but she insisted and told me to tell her to go to bed etc and it escalated from there.

[SquirrelsInJune]

" i saw SD in the other room with another girl and 2 other boys which was strange to me, in the morning i texted her bf just to check if he knew about this and if it was ok with him,"

What on earth made you think that it was your place to interfere like that?

"ok the prosecution is about me calling my stepdaughter a sg and that it only took me 3 dates to bed her mother"

And you are surprised that neither your partner/wife or SD want to be around you?

[Branleuse]

I think youre all best off apart.

[rvby]

I originally said i didn't want the step dad role but she insisted and told me to tell her to go to bed etc and it escalated from there. if you had basic relationship skills you would know that you are able to say no to things that are wrong. Just because someone tells you to do something, doesn't mean you just do it. You need to use your brain and work out the right thing to do and say no when it's wrong.

You need to end this relationship and spend time learning how to have healthy relationships.

[SoWasLucifer]

Disgraceful.

You called your stepdaughter (who's a victim of rape) a slag?
Are you fucking kidding? Drunk or not, what on earth possessed you?

You're trying your hardest to blame this on your stepdaughter. She was a child who had no direction from anyone.

You were both terrible role models to her.

I feel extremely sorry for her. Poor girl.

[BrassTactical]

Where in all this “direction and guidance” did you get round to calling her a slag and telling her how long it took her mum to put out?

I don’t get how this came about at all.

[kzrg283]

Do people read the full story ? Or just bits I never said put my foot down.

She was no longer a child when I called her that many years had past I admit I was wrong we all say and do daft shit when drunk but she wasn’t getting any parenting from mom and even described her cold and heartless I tried to reason with her when she was younger nicely to respect people keep your room clean respect the house you live in etc I tried love at the time and still it didn’t work. At that time we were getting on ok.

[Riddikulusness]

Christ that was long!
Prosecuted for what exactly? Calling a 20yr old with abuse history nasty names? Deplorable yes. A chargeable offence? I think not.
Sorry but you all sound like you need help

[rvby]

we all say and do daft shit when drunk I've never verbally abused anyone whilst drunk OP. Perhaps it's normal for you?

In any event, no matter what, you need to understand that even if you think you have a good reason, it's never ok to call another person a slag. And if you do, you don't get to be all surprised and hurt when others are outraged about it.

Hope that helps

[kzrg283]

I agree I think I see sense we all failed especially the adults.

Thanks for advice.

[SoWasLucifer]

Your stepdaughter didn't fail.

She was failed by every adult around her.

[sunnydays78]

Wow, can’t quite believe what I’ve read. You sound like an absolute idiot.
“i didn’t want the step dad role” I wonder what you think the role if a step dad is.

[WomensRightsAreContraversial]

You don't seem to know how to operate around women humans.

[KatyCarrCan]

Regardless of what went before, you seem happier without your DP. You don't sound as though you like or respect your partner or her DD so it's time to end the relationship and move on.