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DH just shouted at me at kids party

(81 Posts)
GloriaMaximus Sun 20-Oct-19 13:15:34

DS is at a bowling party, tomorrow e are sat out of the way watching rugby when he starts asking me about my shifts at work. He then shouted that he has already told me has plans on such a date (he didn't) then gaslights me continuously until he gets to part truth (a horrendous habit).

We then have this awful argument in from of a room full of people so now I've left.

It's so pathetic but I'm really starting to resent him. To top it off we are TC and Af came this morning.

I have left him before this very similar behaviour. He can be so vicious. I feel like a fool and so embarrassed. I know TTC is the worst thing we can be doing now but without him I can't even work. He works stupid hours in the week so I have to accommodate that and then I work most weekends 20 hours minimum.

The day he's moaning about will be the one and only day off together before the new year. I don't mind that he wants to do other stuff it's more the fact that he automatically assumes I have issues with it. My issues are with the way he is with me, not his social life.

I'm so ready to leave him again at the moment. I just don't know how.

GloriaMaximus Sun 20-Oct-19 13:18:19

In the last two hours (since I finished work) he has already apologised to me twice for being nasty and cruel. I feel so close to giving up on everything.

exLtEveDallas Sun 20-Oct-19 13:19:45

Do NOT conceive with this man.

Funghi Sun 20-Oct-19 13:21:46

How does he gaslight you?

And I agree with the poster above.

walkintheparc Sun 20-Oct-19 13:22:50

You have to leave. Maybe you have been slowly accustomed to being treated like this, but it's not normal for someone who is supposed to be your partner, teammate, someone who promised to cherished you for the rest of your life. You deserve nothing less than absolute support, kindness and love. Everyone has bad days but you make it sound like this is very typical.
Leave and find yourself a happy life, I don't believe this can be turned around.

GloriaMaximus Sun 20-Oct-19 13:24:09

He will tell me that conversations that took place involved completely different things than they did or they didn't even happen at all.

He re writes history to suit his argument at the time.
He criticises me for doing the exact same things he does such as entering a conversation with a negative attitude. He shouts at me and swears and then goes ballistic if I raise my voice.

I'm so sad and lost and stuck.

sunnydays78 Sun 20-Oct-19 13:25:20

Another child will just add more stress. I’ve won’t change move on!

GloriaMaximus Sun 20-Oct-19 13:25:42

I tired to leave, me and DS went to a refuge. It was horrible and DS was so scared and didn't sleep and couldn't go to school. He convinced me he wanted to and was changing and now it's just how it was before. I have no where to go, I don't have family nearby at all, I can't work u leas he takes DS to breakfast club and has him at weekends.

MarmiteOrGoHome Sun 20-Oct-19 13:26:46

* I know TTC is the worst thing we can be doing now but without him I can't even work.*

This doesn't explain why you need to TTC.

GloriaMaximus Sun 20-Oct-19 13:27:08

I meant and not but. Sorry.

Wildorchidz Sun 20-Oct-19 13:27:31

Please don’t consider having another baby with him.

GloriaMaximus Sun 20-Oct-19 13:28:34

My head is in pieces sorry I know I'm not making sense. I'm sitting in my car on a side street a few streets away from the party. I can't go back there, I don't want to go home either. It finishes in half an hour and then DS will know there's a problem and the guilt is insane.

sunnydays78 Sun 20-Oct-19 13:29:36

It’s not something that will be easy but there is always a way.
He won’t ever change, I wasted 10 years on false promises only for it to get worse because that’s what happens

Namechanging2019 Sun 20-Oct-19 13:29:41

You ended up in a refuge with a scared child and now want another??
Be grateful it hasn't worked this month and make plans to leave.
No barrier to leaving is worth a child living in this environment and thinking abuse is ok...

walkintheparc Sun 20-Oct-19 13:31:25

Hopefully someone will come on here with links and phone numbers for women's support. I don't live in the UK so I can't help with these I'm afraid.

I think you know you need to leave. Yes it's absolutely terrifying and you won't feel 'at home' for a long time, but do you really want to live the rest of your life like this? Do you have any mum friends you could lean on? Even if you don't know them that well, I'm sure after seeing the outburst at the party someone might be open to at least giving some support.

GloriaMaximus Sun 20-Oct-19 13:31:46

I know I'm an idiot.

GloriaMaximus Sun 20-Oct-19 13:32:54

We only moved a few months ago to a new area for his work so this is the first interaction I've had with any of them

Pumpkintopf Sun 20-Oct-19 13:32:57

Op do you have any friends you could turn to for advice in real life? Would women's aid locally be able to help?

If you previously left and went into a refuge I think you know in your heart that this relationship isn't right, and I echo previous posters who say please don't bring another child into it.

MrsAJ27 Sun 20-Oct-19 13:33:00

Why are you actively trying to have another baby with him?

He is no good for you, I would be looking at ways to leave him

AmateurSwami Sun 20-Oct-19 13:33:19

Leaving is your only option

sunnydays78 Sun 20-Oct-19 13:33:59

You’re not an idiot. It’s really hard when you’re in the middle of it to make rational decisions.
How long have you been together?

SprinkleDash Sun 20-Oct-19 13:34:25

You are out of your right mind if you TTC with him!!

Derbee Sun 20-Oct-19 13:34:25

You’re not an idiot, but having left and been to a refuge etc etc, it’s a spectacularly bad idea to try and have another baby with this man.

GreenTulips Sun 20-Oct-19 13:36:18

I’d be livening a long way away

Some areas have better housing and no waiting lists, do some research, get on the pill and start a leaving fund

If the kid is at school look for a weekday job or see if you can change shifts

MarianaMoatedGrange Sun 20-Oct-19 13:37:04

Don't get pregnant with your abuser OP.

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