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He cheated. I messaged OW. What next

(233 Posts)
Mybaby15 Wed 16-Oct-19 18:47:24

DP works away a lot.
Got back at the weekend and was being weird. Checked his phone. Messages to another woman who stayed at his hotel room for 2 nights.
Confronted him. Admitted cheating. Kissing and other stuff but no sex. I believe this because I also messaged OW and she confirmed. She was horrified. He had told her he was single and no kids. Had a fake Instagram account with just pics of him and his mates and some travels.
He was sorry. Still is sorry apparently.
I can't immediately escape. I'm not sure I want to. I don't know what to do. I can't tell anyone. I'm just stuck in this awful limbo where I don't understand why he's not grovelling at my feet to make it all better.

prawnsword Wed 16-Oct-19 18:51:57

ok grovelling won’t make this “better”. He is only sorry to get caught, not for the act. It sounds like he doesn’t feel deeply for you so it not concerned about losing you, or what you have. I totally understand how you want them to fight for you when you’re hurting your heart wants to feel that love again. He has broken it.

sofato5miles Wed 16-Oct-19 18:54:13

He set up a bogus instagram account. Unforgivable.

sofato5miles Wed 16-Oct-19 18:54:42

As in it is SO calculated

Yeahnahyeah1 Wed 16-Oct-19 18:55:29

A fake insta means he put a lot of thought into this, honestly I couldn’t even think about forgiving him. There’s also no way she stayed in a hotel with him for two nights and they didn’t have sex, he’s still lying to you.

GertrudeCB Wed 16-Oct-19 18:57:20

Hes not grovelling because he is not bothered that he has been caught this time. There will be others .

WaningGibbous Wed 16-Oct-19 18:58:47

Two nights in a hotel with someone he met off his secret Insta and they didn't shag? I don't buy that.

Why can't you tell anyone?

Nonienoodle Wed 16-Oct-19 18:58:48

So premeditated with a fake Insta account. So sorry OP. He has no respect for you to be able to do this. Please get rid of him and get an STI check as if he’s set up this account he’s probably done it before. Much wiser people will hopefully be on here and be able to explain the minimising/ denial etc that they will go through.

Allinadaystwerk Wed 16-Oct-19 19:00:37

How shocking and awful. Sorry you are goingvyhrough this. Take you time and think about what you really want and need. He does not care about you flowers

Mybaby15 Wed 16-Oct-19 19:03:13

I do believe that they didn't have sex... I didn't believe him which is why I asked her. She was shockingly honest about the whole thing and sent me screen shots of him explaining why he had never married or had children... so I do believe her

I don't want this to be the end of it but.. how the fuck did my life get to this?

RLOU30 Wed 16-Oct-19 19:03:42

Hands down my first ever LTB completely unforgivable. The fake profile would be it for me. He doesn't love you or respect you at all. You must move on and do better I'm actually hammering on my keypad I'm so angry for you

Mybaby15 Wed 16-Oct-19 19:04:18

Yes, the calculated thing is what gets me too- he met her 2 months ago so it's all planned.
And she stayed twice so him saying he instantly regretted it doesn't wash.
He's saying it was an ego boost and he's an idiot

Nicolastuffedone Wed 16-Oct-19 19:05:20

They stayed in the same hotel room for two days and didn’t have sex.....??

bellabelly Wed 16-Oct-19 19:05:57

Give yourself time to think about what you want to do. But this all sounds so calculated.

prawnsword Wed 16-Oct-19 19:07:11

Please get some self respect. He made a fake social media profile to hook other women in by lying about being single. Don’t you feel like he’s treating you like a fool? He has done this before & will do it again. He works away for his job...this will never change. Leave him ASAP who cares what people think. That is a stupid reason to stay

MsTSwift Wed 16-Oct-19 19:07:29

There’s really no coming back from that. The planning! What a shit he is.

Icouldstillbejoseph Wed 16-Oct-19 19:08:02

Are you married to this man OP?

Zofloramummy Wed 16-Oct-19 19:09:11

Does it matter if they did the deed or just wanked each other off? Basically he is a sleaze and you need to think about whether you can live your life with a man who doesn’t respect you, your relationship or your family.

Personally I’d LTB and be extremely angry:

AnyFucker Wed 16-Oct-19 19:09:14

They had sex
I would bet my house on it.

littlecabbage Wed 16-Oct-19 19:09:40

There is no hope whatsoever of him not cheating again. He doesn't even sound that bothered that he got caught.

Please make secret plans to walk away in a calm, dignified manner. You will not regret it.

HugoSpritz Wed 16-Oct-19 19:10:56

They did have sex. The fact you asmed gave her the chance to deny it too. Don't kid yourself that they didn't.

HugoSpritz Wed 16-Oct-19 19:11:16

Asked not asmed

RLEOM Wed 16-Oct-19 19:11:34

He really went out of his way to cheat, the fake Instagram account shows that. He'll never be trustworthy.

ISeeDeadDandelions Wed 16-Oct-19 19:12:23

I found out late last year my STBXH has done something like this. Turned out he'd been having a full blown affair, romantic weekends away and the works. I believed it was not sexual and more of an emotional affair after I stupidly believed him telling me all this stuff until only a few months ago. It was how calculated it had all been that was the true kicker for me, I could never have believed where he said he was again, and I knew that would just run me into the ground.

I did get all of the grovelling but honestly it made no difference. He still did what he did, with forethought and planning. Can you live with him knowing that?

SouthernComforts Wed 16-Oct-19 19:13:10

What did they do for 2 nights in a hotel room then? Play board games?

He's taking the absolute piss out of you, sorry.

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