He cheated. I messaged OW. What next

ok grovelling won’t make this “better”. He is only sorry to get caught, not for the act. It sounds like he doesn’t feel deeply for you so it not concerned about losing you, or what you have. I totally understand how you want them to fight for you when you’re hurting your heart wants to feel that love again. He has broken it.

He set up a bogus instagram account. Unforgivable.

As in it is SO calculated

A fake insta means he put a lot of thought into this, honestly I couldn’t even think about forgiving him. There’s also no way she stayed in a hotel with him for two nights and they didn’t have sex, he’s still lying to you.

Hes not grovelling because he is not bothered that he has been caught this time. There will be others .
.....

Two nights in a hotel with someone he met off his secret Insta and they didn't shag? I don't buy that.

Why can't you tell anyone?

So premeditated with a fake Insta account. So sorry OP. He has no respect for you to be able to do this. Please get rid of him and get an STI check as if he’s set up this account he’s probably done it before. Much wiser people will hopefully be on here and be able to explain the minimising/ denial etc that they will go through.

How shocking and awful. Sorry you are goingvyhrough this. Take you time and think about what you really want and need. He does not care about you

I do believe that they didn't have sex... I didn't believe him which is why I asked her. She was shockingly honest about the whole thing and sent me screen shots of him explaining why he had never married or had children... so I do believe her

I don't want this to be the end of it but.. how the fuck did my life get to this?

Hands down my first ever LTB completely unforgivable. The fake profile would be it for me. He doesn't love you or respect you at all. You must move on and do better I'm actually hammering on my keypad I'm so angry for you

Yes, the calculated thing is what gets me too- he met her 2 months ago so it's all planned.
And she stayed twice so him saying he instantly regretted it doesn't wash.
He's saying it was an ego boost and he's an idiot

They stayed in the same hotel room for two days and didn’t have sex.....??

Give yourself time to think about what you want to do. But this all sounds so calculated.

Please get some self respect. He made a fake social media profile to hook other women in by lying about being single. Don’t you feel like he’s treating you like a fool? He has done this before & will do it again. He works away for his job...this will never change. Leave him ASAP who cares what people think. That is a stupid reason to stay

There’s really no coming back from that. The planning! What a shit he is.

Are you married to this man OP?

Does it matter if they did the deed or just wanked each other off? Basically he is a sleaze and you need to think about whether you can live your life with a man who doesn’t respect you, your relationship or your family.

Personally I’d LTB and be extremely angry:

They had sex
I would bet my house on it.

There is no hope whatsoever of him not cheating again. He doesn't even sound that bothered that he got caught.

Please make secret plans to walk away in a calm, dignified manner. You will not regret it.

They did have sex. The fact you asmed gave her the chance to deny it too. Don't kid yourself that they didn't.

Asked not asmed

He really went out of his way to cheat, the fake Instagram account shows that. He'll never be trustworthy.

I found out late last year my STBXH has done something like this. Turned out he'd been having a full blown affair, romantic weekends away and the works. I believed it was not sexual and more of an emotional affair after I stupidly believed him telling me all this stuff until only a few months ago. It was how calculated it had all been that was the true kicker for me, I could never have believed where he said he was again, and I knew that would just run me into the ground.

I did get all of the grovelling but honestly it made no difference. He still did what he did, with forethought and planning. Can you live with him knowing that?

What did they do for 2 nights in a hotel room then? Play board games?

He's taking the absolute piss out of you, sorry.