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WIBU to kick DP out for this?

(199 Posts)

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ConfusedStressed Tue 15-Oct-19 18:53:39

Its actually so petty i cant believe its esculated to this

DP got home from work and about 10 minutes later i decided to go to the shop. He was sat on my coat so i asked him to move as i grabbed it. He slowly slid himself off it so i pulled the last bit and said crossly "come on now" as he was still sat on it.

He asked me why i was being rude when hed been on his feet all day and i replied that it would of took him 10 seconds to stand up off my coat instead of sliding off it making it harder for me to get it

Then he says " i cant believe your going mad at me for being on my feet all day "

Manipultive as fuck. At no point before this did i go mad at him and at no point did i go mad because he'd been on his feet all day and im so annoyed that hes tried manipulating something so trivial into somthing it wasnt

He said at some point why should he stand up when hes been on his feet all day, i said it would of took 10 seconds i wasnt asking him to lift furniture or anything!

I was shouting by this point because whenever i pull him on stunts like this he doesnt look at me & i was furious because this isnt the 1st 2nd 10th time ivr asked him not to twist what i was saying

He said i was shouting in his face when i was a good 5ft away from him and i said do you realise this is why im so mad because im not shouting in your face am i?

Before anyone says im fully aware i shouldnt of been shouting, i lost my temper, ive had so many calm conversations im sick of telling him thatbhis behaviour isnt acceptable, im sick of being made to feel a bad guy because of his passive aggressiveness

Indont know if this even makes sense im still so cross about it but hes packed his stuff and left and i dont think i want him back here after this

Nanny0gg Tue 15-Oct-19 18:55:42

Doesn't really sound like it's working, does it?

lanbro Tue 15-Oct-19 18:57:24

I would leave, sounds like hard work

Courtney555 Tue 15-Oct-19 18:59:39

That scenario isn't a problem. On its own.

It's clearly a lot deeper rooted than that, and if you are told you're screaming in someone's face when you're not, being told that you're "this" when you're not, being told you're "that" when you're not, then I'd say you are best off without that emotionally abusive dick.

What do you stand to lose on separation?

Duchessgummybuns Tue 15-Oct-19 19:01:24

Is this the straw that broke the camel’s back?

Butchyrestingface Tue 15-Oct-19 19:04:36

Sounds like it’s been building for a while.

Aquamarine1029 Tue 15-Oct-19 19:07:42

Why WOULD you want him back? He's an insufferable arsehole. He just did you the biggest favour of your life by leaving. Don't be daft enough to take him back.

hazell42 Tue 15-Oct-19 19:09:28

I had a million conversations like this before I wised up
He is being passive aggressive and controlling.
You have a good reason to leave, but you don't need one. I dont wanna is reason enough.

limpylegs Tue 15-Oct-19 19:11:23

You sound abusive. You escalated it. He should have left and if I were him I would have a think about going back. Shouting in his face is disgraceful.

fallfallfall Tue 15-Oct-19 19:11:25

Life’s too short to be around thoughtless, self centred, nasty people.

hazell42 Tue 15-Oct-19 19:12:33

Oh, and my exh 'left' a lot too. It was always a move. The last time he did it, he had the shock of his life when i didnt let him back in
Best thing I ever did

SallyWD Tue 15-Oct-19 19:13:21

Based on this one incident I don't think he did anything terribly wrong and I can see why he would have objected to your furious reaction (I know your anger only really came right at the end). It seems like there's a lot more to this. It seems like you feel he's always being difficult and Twisting the truth so maybe it's just not working. Is there anything good about your relationship?

june2007 Tue 15-Oct-19 19:13:46

Sounds like a maountain made out of a mole hill. But I expect there is alot more to this. Can you meet in a neutral place and discuss your relationship even if you choose not to get back together might help to talk aboutwhy you both feal the way you do.

ConfusedStressed Tue 15-Oct-19 19:13:54

It definetly is a lot deeper than that, ive just been struggling whether its me whose been unreaosnable or not in the arguments we have had

Not a lot to lose, hes on my tenancy ( onky moved in a month ago ) but im not worried about getting him took off it ( my housing situation isnt the norm ) but at the same time ive just been an idiot havnt i. I have 2 children under 5, they arnt his but he has been involved since they were 1 & 2 1/2 and they both call him daddy ( they have no contact with ex ordered by courts & dont remember him )

Ive been here before where someone has rewrote history infront of me and i believed it and spent years thinking i was mental because i couldnt remember things correctly. So any sort of perceived manipulation and i get mad.

Its not the first time hes done it but its a lot harder with him than my ex as my ex was just nasty all the time where as he is a typical "nice guy"

Im so annoyed at myself

AtrociousCircumstance Tue 15-Oct-19 19:15:56

She’s not abusive fgs! He wouldn’t move, he wouldn’t let her get her coat, then he twisted it into something to attack her with!

OP ignore that hmm Sounds like you’re better off out of it.

SprinkleDash Tue 15-Oct-19 19:21:22

Shouting is never OK, I’ve been with my DH a long time and we’ve never raised our voices at each other. You’re relationship is not healthy and it’s not working!

ConfusedStressed Tue 15-Oct-19 19:22:34

To answer peoples posts,

i dont want him back i just want a bit of reassurance i wasnt wrong in ending it, he will text soon apologising for "always being a cunt and trying his best but getting it wrong" his phrases not mine

I think it was passive aggressive, it would of took 10 seconds to stand up, instead he slid himself off the couch slowly ( pulling my coat with him ) and when he felt me tugging the final bit didnt move

I definetly was abusive by shouting, i dont like the way i have behaved. But i was not shouting in his face. I was shouting by the window and he was sat on the couch with a good 5ft between us. I feel like i have to defend mysdlf and say i was shouting because once again he wasnt looking at me while i was trying to have a conversation with him

There are many good thin

QueenoftheBiscuitTin Tue 15-Oct-19 19:23:15

He should have just moved. He's being ridiculous and dramatic going on about being on his feet all day. It would have taken him 2 seconds.

billy1966 Tue 15-Oct-19 19:25:04


He's not nice and he was deliberately trying to provoke you and wind you up.

There is something very hostile about someone deliberately trying to upset you.

This is not the basis of a healthy relationship.

It's not working, he's not right for you.

Fortunately he's left, don't let him back in.

CAG12 Tue 15-Oct-19 19:25:21

This sounds childish tbh

BeeFarseer Tue 15-Oct-19 19:25:26

It is never wrong to end a romantic relationship if you don't want to be in it.

That said, it sounds like there's a background of this behaviour and it's not normal. I wouldn't accept it.

PositiveVibez Tue 15-Oct-19 19:28:26

He sounds like a gaslighter.

You sound at the end of your tether.

Dump dump dump.

JonSlow Tue 15-Oct-19 19:28:44

And where were the kids when you were screaming at him?!

ConfusedStressed Tue 15-Oct-19 19:32:36

Sorry posted too soon

There are so many good things about the relationship but recently i have been wondering are these really "good things" or are they normal things?

My ex was abusive in many ways and didnt help with anything with the family or financially at all.

So went i met DP and he was helpful around the house i was surprised and pleased. For a while now he has had the attitude that because he works he shouldnt have to help. Theres obviousky far more to this but my thoughts are going too fast, im struggling to remember anything right now

I feel like hes tricked me in a way, hes lied about who he was

handbagsatdawn33 Tue 15-Oct-19 19:33:45

I'd have yelled at him to get off of my coat the moment he sat on it - why do that? Creasing YOUR clothes is unacceptable

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