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SIL blocked DH and I on Facebook

(58 Posts)
Woodlandwitch Mon 14-Oct-19 22:24:22

We aren’t close but everything is perfectly pleasant face to face and we see each other at regular family occasions throughout the year.

We weren’t friends on Facebook to begin with but could always see regular updates and photos of the nieces and nephews through BIL being tagged in the posts.
SIL is quite a prolific facebook user and so the updates are most days.

DH and I noticed recently that no updates had been happening and so looked on BIL’s page to find that all of a sudden the posts have disappeared and SIL no longer appears and has blocked us both.

This was a few weeks ago and we assumed she was maybe taking a Facebook break and didn’t think she had blocked us initially but after seeing the PIL’s they mentioned some recent posts and we realised that we had been blocked.

I’m not too sure why. It’s happened a few weeks ago and we’ve seen her since and all seemed fine. They came to our house so it wasn’t a typical family event.

DH doesn’t think it’s worth mentioning anything, that there is obviously some issue SIL has but doesn’t want to say.

I’m wondering - do I mention it?
I’m worried I’ve done/said something to offend.
I also would prefer if someone dislikes us that there isn’t any false pretending face to face.
Last time we saw them SIL I voted our child over for a sleepover, so it’s more confusing to me than anything else

AmIThough Tue 15-Oct-19 09:57:48

Why weren't you friends with her in the first place? Maybe she found it weird you were liking her posts but not adding her as a friend and took offence?

Pandaintheporridge Tue 15-Oct-19 09:59:01

It’s happened since we told them we were having a second baby
This seems so obviously the answer. Having 3 dc of her own may make it seem less likely, but is not at all inconsistent with her trying unsuccessfully for a fourth. If she had losses, would she tell you?

hellsbellsmelons Tue 15-Oct-19 10:00:10

I would say something next time I saw her.
'We've noticed you've blocked us on facebook. It's a shame because we loved looking at your updates and pics. We miss that!'
See what she says to that.

user1474894224 Tue 15-Oct-19 10:01:54

You say you don't post in fb. I unfriend people regularly who don't post. It's not a two way interaction if all you do is look at my posts. It's like having a one way conversation. (There's a little bit of me that thinks - 'you think your too important to share stuff with me - so I'm not sharing with you.' - petty I know....but there you go.) Fwiw I blocked my sil too.

CarWreck Tue 15-Oct-19 10:03:47

So were you actually friends on Facebook with her? If not it sounds like she and BIL have just tightened a few security settings.

CarWreck Tue 15-Oct-19 10:05:33

OP states SIL doesn't exist for them on DB, which means it isn't just tightened security settings

Not necessarily true - if they weren't friends then she could've updated her settings so she can't be found in search.

Moomin8 Tue 15-Oct-19 10:07:56

Pretending you like acquaintances etc is just part of life. It saves energy in the long run..

That's not even what's happening here. In this case pretending you like someone face to face then blocking them is passive aggression.

Woodlandwitch Tue 15-Oct-19 10:08:03

I don’t post often but on big celebrations we do.
Maybe SIL did block us because of that but it seems an extreme reaction to someone who doesn’t post and wasn’t on their friends list anyway.

We wouldn’t have noticed but obviously we are both friends with BIL and would see posts through him being tagged.

We don’t go stalking people, it’s just a nice way of keeping up with nieces and nephew updates.

She’s quite vocal on being a complete family so can’t imagine they are trying for more.

She’s friends with DH’s ex and before we were blocked we could see she was congratulating ex on her recent pregnancy so can only assume it’s an issue she has with us alone and not related to babies.

Pandaintheporridge Tue 15-Oct-19 10:16:55

This is the second thread about a sil blocking an OP started this morning, very unusual.

Woodlandwitch Tue 15-Oct-19 10:20:11

That is unusual 😆
I hadn’t seen the other.
Or I would have just joined in there.

Nice to hear I’m not to only one with a strange SIL

Pandaintheporridge Tue 15-Oct-19 10:21:36

You're both pregnant too! Does your sil have another sister in law, by any chance - and she's blocked you both? grin

Woodlandwitch Tue 15-Oct-19 10:24:46

No other SIL’s 😆

I tried to find the other thread but can’t locate it. Was going to offer some moral support that us shunned SIL’s can stick together

Bythepool Tue 15-Oct-19 10:38:23

Hi! How bizarre! Sorry to hear you're also in this predicament.

CarWreck Tue 15-Oct-19 10:41:25

If you're not on her friends list then she can't block you because blocking is removing someone from their friends list! Plus I guess tightening security so non-friends can't see stuff. Doesn't sound like it's directed at you specifically?

AuntieMarys Tue 15-Oct-19 10:45:20

I've blocked my SIL. And her family. But that's because they are criminals. 😀

ExcitedForFuture Tue 15-Oct-19 10:45:21

No it's not CarWreck. I've blocked people who aren't on my friends list. It means it looks like they don't even have FB as they don't appear if you search for them.

Even if SIL had tightened up settings so only friends can add etc, her name would still appear. The fact it doesn't means OP had been blocked.

Trewser Tue 15-Oct-19 10:47:45

Maybe it’s because you rarely post yourself, and just use it to watch what others are doing. I’ve removed people for this reason. If you are not sharing your life, why expect to see hers

Yes I've unfriended people for this reason.

CarWreck Tue 15-Oct-19 10:47:59

It might've changed but you used to be able to set search preferences so you don't show up in search to people you're not already connected with. If you're not friends with them then there's no way you'd be able to see her profile but it doesn't mean it's targeted at you specifically. I mean the obvious way to find out is to ask!

NoParticularPattern Tue 15-Oct-19 10:55:48

Ok so this is spooky how similar this is to how my SIL behaves. Even down to the number of kids, the fact that she’s actually DHs brother’s wife, weren’t originally friends on Facebook but saw the posts via BIL, still friendly face to face etc etc.

My approach? Ignore the fuck out of it. If she’s anything like my SIL she’s not very nice about you behind your back, wouldn’t think twice about stepping on you to further herself and only appears civil when others are present who would notice and the facade might slip. My SIL likes to ignore you at every available opportunity when she’s alone, but stick her at a family dinner, put her kids in the car or anything where you’d have evidence (texts, emails etc) and she’s like the nicest person on the planet. It used to really do my head in but now I pretend not to notice a single thing she does. I don’t answer any of the leading questions, I won’t join in with her engineered bitching sessions and I certainly won’t ever be caught out being the one that doesn’t talk or causes the argument. Because she always comes out of it smelling of roses- she is genuinely the only person I know who has won money on the lottery without ever buying a ticket. Ignore it. It might not piss her off as much as I know it pisses my SIL off, but don’t give her the excuse for the drama that she wants so she can play the victim. They always win.

SummerWhisper Tue 15-Oct-19 11:01:46

You can only assume that she has a problem with you and it must be bad, for her to block both you and your DH.

What are the arrangements for the sleepover? Was DH taking your DC? Does she try to operate solely through him?

How did you find out that she had been unpleasant about you and what did she say?

Woodlandwitch Tue 15-Oct-19 11:15:38

@NoParticularPattern there must be a few identical strange SIL’s out there!

Quite spooky!

I just found @Bythepool ‘a thread and that rand true in so many ways.

This isn’t the first time.
The same happened on most occasions of good news too - buying our house, having baby number 1, getting a pet.
It’s strange as none of these are things exclusive to us. And all things she either has or can do herself too.

Maybe it’s just a case that there are some strange ones out there that don’t like other people to have good news.

The opposite happens when something bad occurs.

We had a bit of a house disaster last year that took a hefty insurance claim and time and I was receiving regular ‘you ok hun?’ messages 🤦🏻‍♀️

Woodlandwitch Tue 15-Oct-19 11:26:26

@NoParticularPattern
You hit the nail on the head about being all lovely in front of people but ignoring or bitching any other time she can get away with it.
The ignoring and staying quiet is good advise and I think it’s possibly this that I’ve been doing a little while since her last drama which could have made her block us.
She would know we would notice and expect us to say something.

NoParticularPattern Tue 15-Oct-19 11:29:45

@woodlandwitch they must all be from the same species!! Mine is the same. All over you when she wants something or thinks she can be the knight in shining armour (oh and when she has something to brag about- see lottery win comment!) but wants nothing to do with you when something good happens to you. A few examples for you:
-I had a miscarriage. She had previously not been speaking to me because I called her out on the shitty way she spoke to me when I offered her some uniform from a friends little girl. She didn’t like that other family members took my side. Suddenly upon hearing about the miscarriage she was my best mate who would do anything to help.
-Two months later me and DH got engaged. She then proceeded to engineer an argument between her DH and my other BIL (who were previously thick as thieves!) in order to create a family rift and have everyone talk about her again.
-When that didn’t work she became my best mate again (theme anyone?) and made sure the nieces and nephews were going to be bridesmaids, ushers etc.
-Then proceeded to refuse to tell me what size to buy nieces dress, shoes etc in.
-I told her to do one and sort it out herself. Cue best friend mode again
-Wedding day rolls around, she calls me up at 10am (we got married at 12) to let me know that the boys had lost their ties from their hired suits which they only picked up the day before.

I could go on forever. She’s batshit and I have full sympathy. Ignore the hell out of her and be VERY careful whenever you interact with her. It’s usually a trap

Fridakahlofan Tue 15-Oct-19 11:42:41

I’ve blocked loads of people who I really like in my family. I don’t use Facebook any more but had it when it first started and people used to post everything.... lots of photos of me at uni in a state. Just seemed easier to block family than go through the hassle of deleting things from over 10 years ago... I wouldn’t worry!

Woodlandwitch Tue 15-Oct-19 11:50:56

@NoParticularPattern

*She’s batshit and I have full sympathy. Ignore the hell out of her and be VERY careful whenever you interact with her. It’s usually a trap*

This is very good advise.

I had forgotten that years ago when I was new to the family someone has said something very similar to me to warn me of dealing with future SIL.

It makes me wonder if they just choose a few select people to do this to or if they are like it with everyone?
Everyone must just be staying civil out of fear she’ll cause a drama

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