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His hobby takes over our lives

(8 Posts)
LadyInBlack Tue 14-Aug-07 18:44:48

My husband is a kung fu instructor, I knew when I met him that he loved kung fu and I knew how much it meant to him and I thought I could handle it.

He is now an instructor and has been doing kung fu for over 20 years, he has a huge club and is well known. I'm glad he's doing so well but its completely taking over our lives, its like nothing else is as important to him. He teaches 4 times a week (3 times to students and once a week to black belts) and when he's not teaching he's studying and training himself.

He has got both of our kids into it (which is good) and they are both now brown belts but he makes them do it all the time and he's putting them off, the other day he "deomstrated" a punch to our DD (12) and she moved foward and he hit her in the face full force. He was mortified and panicked like mad, apologised, saw to her and made sure she was ok but after the shock wore off he started to blame her saying she shouldn't have moved and that the years of training are a waste of time with her as she still doesnt perform as well as she should, it was all her fault apparantly and she shouldve been paying attention.

I'm just sick of it, everything revolves around kung fu, if the phone goes its for him regarding the club, any mail is regarding the club or kung fu in some way, if he talks to me its about kung fu, if he plays with the kids it involves kung fu.

I'm just missing everything else that comes in a normal marriage, conversation, days out to somewhere other than a sports hall...

I have become friendly with a man at work and the prospect of taking things further are becoming more appealing but I love my husband and I dont want to wreck our marriage but Im tempted by the prospect of a normal marriage IYSWIM?

I cant talk to him because he doesnt listen, he just patronises me and takes the mick if I mention it. If I asked him to choose between me or kung fu he would choose Kung Fu, I know he would.

Is there any hope for us at all?

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GibbonInARibbon Tue 14-Aug-07 18:49:22

Sounds familiar to me too

LadyInBlack Tue 14-Aug-07 18:50:05

Hi, no he doesnt make me train, he asked me to join his club but I'm just not fit enough and didnt fancy making an arse of myself. I've not posted about him before. Is there a link to the other one?

GibbonInARibbon Tue 14-Aug-07 18:50:43

Sorry if you are different person - does he get angry when you don't want to tain with him?

LadyInBlack Tue 14-Aug-07 18:52:35

No he's not all that bothered, he takes the mick a bit and calls me a wimp but thats it and he only does that in a jokey way. He gets angry with the kids if they dont want to go to training though.

contentiouscat Tue 14-Aug-07 18:53:14

Sounds like either you accept it or you move on, I wouldnt jump straight into anything else though im sure the "other man" has just as many unappealing foibles.

I have to say DH is into fishing and bangs on about it a lot - I pretty much ignore it. He did say he was fishing this weekend and I said "great so I have a week at home alone with the kids followed by a weekend at home with the kids" he has decided not to go fishing so I guess he is not so obsessed!

GibbonInARibbon Tue 14-Aug-07 18:54:50

Not good that he is getting angry at the kids...have you spoke to him about his obsession?

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