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Would you be suspicous about these signs?

(72 Posts)
Worriedsick11 Sun 13-Oct-19 12:44:04

On the Friday, we were about to go out and noticed my dh was outside on the phone. I didn't think much of it because we were all in getting ready. Anyway, when I went out, (he was off the phone at this stage) seemed a but flustered? Then told me hed had a work phone call from a trainee/newbie. I asked who it was?
His response - I've told u about her before - Scottish woman with red hair

Ok I'm 99% he never has...he was caught sexting a female colleague at work a few years ago so I would pay attention to things like this

Anyway as the day went on, I purposely asked him about her, apparently hes helped her with a certain work task for a while. He says she seems very keen to do the job, the other day he had a England Hoody on and apparently she turned round to him and said "I dont like you anymore" jokingly because of the England top...

I do find that a bit odd. Am I just being paranoid? He said shes in her early 20s and he seemed to know a fair bit about her hobbies.

He had spent 10 minutes on the phone to her and I think hes planning to work on it tomorrow with her. I just feel rubbishsad he seems excited about going into work tomorrow and I'm so upset.
Example, hea shaved hair and beard. He usually does this to look "younger" as hes told me that before so this just screams out something to me? I have had a bad injury these past few months so I haven't really noticed anything as iv been trying to get better but now I think there could have been other things/details I've missed. I'm just so scared.

Please advise and what I should do next. I cant exactly stop something happening if it's going to happen sad

FizzyGreenWater Sun 13-Oct-19 13:00:36

he was caught sexting a female colleague at work a few years ago

Well if you start from the known, which is that he's a cheat, then I'd assume the worst.

litterbird Sun 13-Oct-19 13:16:28

he was caught sexting a female colleague at work a few years ago
So sorry OP its all there in that sentence. If your gut says something is up it probably is. I am surprised you continued the relationship after his sexting incident.

GlitterSparkle85 Sun 13-Oct-19 13:20:26

What did he do to gain your trust back if it was a mistake?if the answer is nothing-youve got your answer really sorry to say x

Mermaidsinthesand Sun 13-Oct-19 13:27:33

May not be sexting her, may just be trying to get her interested.

You need to do some digging get to the bottom of this

june2007 Sun 13-Oct-19 13:29:25

I would have thought he woulddn't have been so honest with you if he was really doing the dirty.

Worriedsick11 Sun 13-Oct-19 15:33:03


Well the thing is I assumed he might have thought I had heard his telephone convo so felt obliged to tell me

Worriedsick11 Sun 13-Oct-19 15:33:32


What do you suggest? Thanks

Worriedsick11 Sun 13-Oct-19 15:37:32


I was contemplating not to put that but in there but I think it may be relevant. TBH and TBF, he did as much as poss to win trust back. Also I had a massive car accident and was in hospital for 2 weeks with alot of surgery, he took alot of time.or work and didn't seem to want to go back in so had a month off from work which means he lost all his accumulated hours,
Hes only just returned to work about 3 weeks ago so I was a bit baffled and trying to figure out if he knew her beforehand as I really cant remember him mentioning her, that's the part that gets me because if hes lying about mentioning her that just says guilty all over.

Another thing tonadd he had a run in/incident with a female colleague and was called in so I think he was a bit apprehensive about losing his job. I dont know what to make of this. Am I just being really paranoid here?

MarianaMoatedGrange Sun 13-Oct-19 15:40:27

Run in/incident with a female colleague? Was called in over it? He seems to create a lot of dramas at work.

CheekyFuckersDontGetPastMe Sun 13-Oct-19 15:54:26

All sounds very dramatic. What sort of run in did he say he had?

GlitterSparkle85 Sun 13-Oct-19 15:55:11

Ok fair enough if he did enough to win your trust back previously-if it's enough to make you feel paranoid again then maybe have a convo together when your both calm and see what he says as you have reason to doubt him. Sounds a bit harsh-does he just enjoy attention and theres nothing more to it?X

Worriedsick11 Sun 13-Oct-19 15:55:58


Yes, incidentally with the woman he had been sexting if you can believe. Oh God, this isn't sounding very good is it? sad
I do sound totally pathetic I've just recently recovered from a major surgery and feel very sensitive and vulnerable. I dont think my MH would suffice if he was to start an affair etc

GlitterSparkle85 Sun 13-Oct-19 15:59:20

Your not pathetic.
Wow shock

MarianaMoatedGrange Sun 13-Oct-19 16:01:08

Concentrate on getting well. Your MH will suffer by wondering whether or not he is up to his old tricks. It's a no win situation - that HE created.

PegasusReturns Sun 13-Oct-19 16:04:28

You're not pathetic.

What happened re the "run in"? I ask because I wonder if it might be related to the new woman.

Your DH is a cheat though. You know that. To what extent did he work on your marriage after you caught him?

Worriedsick11 Sun 13-Oct-19 16:07:37


Thanks glitter
I was just thinking that, and was about to type maybe he just relishes a bit of attention. But is that wrong? Where should the line be drawn?
He is a mid 30s, balding and beefy bloke with a beer belly. Iv actually gone and checked out her social media and she looks an attractive young lady so is it wrong he might just be thinking she likes him?

Worriedsick11 Sun 13-Oct-19 16:36:39

The run in thing was a bit random
He had come in from work saying let's call her Susie as I knew her on first name basis after discovering all the txts they had shared on his phone.

He mentioned Susie had been in a nasty mood all week and he had got the brunt of it. Apparently, he had been using his headphones whilst working and she had made a nasty comment on how that was rude and unprofessional. My dh being my dh argued straight back and told her not to speak to him like that...apparently, he had sounded "aggressive" so she took it further and wanted an apology but my stubborn dh refused to give her am apology hmm so it escalated further hence why he was pulled in.

GlitterSparkle85 Sun 13-Oct-19 16:39:47

Did the other lady put in a complaint about him?he might be feeling at odds with himself from the way you described him and wondering "hes still got it"even if its unrequited?But I'd just have it out with him your recovery matters as does your mental health you have to be a bit selfish at times!

BumbleBeee69 Sun 13-Oct-19 16:45:16

I would have thought he woulddn't have been so honest with you if he was really doing the dirty.

I disagree... liars try to stay as close to the truth as possible... so he gives a loose version of events, and claim he's not lied.

Worriedsick11 Sun 13-Oct-19 16:45:34


Yes she had complained to her superiors that he had been aggressive in his manner towards her and wanted an apology for it. This did match up to an email he showed me from his line manager at the time so dont think he was trying to hide it.
I dont think she ever complained about his texts she seemed to enjoy the attention (from what I saw)

Yes, I do think you're right. Would everything iv stated show she has any interest in him, I.e the banter and phone call?

MarianaMoatedGrange Sun 13-Oct-19 16:57:30

What matters is HIS interest in HER.

Worriedsick11 Sun 13-Oct-19 19:00:57

Tried to have a chat with him. He called me paranoid and said hes only helped her three times n can understand if he was mentioning her alot or even if he sat near her. Hes on ground floor and shes on third (I think he pointed this out because the female colleague he had been sexting/flirting with sat next to him and he would bring her up in convos with me)

So now I just feel stupid! He also did his classic thing that he always does and downgraded her...saying her hair was really scraggly n thin....

I just feel drained by it atm but iv left it at that and just reminded him about the other woman

rvby Sun 13-Oct-19 19:09:09

You can't control him OP. Leave him to it. Who knows what hes up to, no matter what none of it is your fault.

You're a person in your own right and his deceit and DARVO tactics are signs that hes not above being an abusive manipulator to shut others up.

He doesn't have your best interests at heart so dont expect anything good from him.

Do you have a friend or relative who you could ring for some proper support. You've been through a lot recently and need love and care, not this nasty bullshit hes trying to pull here.

GlitterSparkle85 Sun 13-Oct-19 19:14:33

Calling you paranoid isn't really helping the situation is it?just ask him for some reassurance as HIS previous actions have made you feel that way. Did ever give you a real reason for his previous cheating. I'm sorry that you're going through this not nice for anyone

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