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Husband wants me to move out with our 1 year old

(147 Posts)
Lola0426 Mon 07-Oct-19 15:26:24

Hi everyone.

My husband of 2 years stopped speaking to me 2 months ago over something very silly. It's not the first time he shuts down completely and refuses communication over petty things for weeks on end, until I speak to him or a family member intervenes. Whenever he goes in a mood he usually sleeps in the living room and goes out a lot, sleeps at friends' houses, comes home super late - I think he argues with me on purpose to live a single man's life. On numerous occasions I spoke to him to find solutions to our problems & live a normal married life, however he finds any excuse to fall out with me so he can go out & stuff.

This time around, I didn't approach him to recincialate. I'm sick of trying with him because he'll do the same thing again. He texted me a few times proposed to go on holiday, a few days later when work agreed to give me time off, he changed his mind & went away without telling me. During that time, my brother invited me to his apartment in Portugal so I went with the baby. I only paid for return flights which were £100.

About 3 weeks ago he asked me to take our 1 DS & find somewhere else to live because he needed space, I told him, no, I'm not moving out & I have nowhere to go. I explained the situation to him and asked him to come & speak to me in person which he didn't do. Even though we live in the same house, hes not seen his son for 3 weeks, he simply doesn't bother. He locks himself in the living room whenever he's in.

I spoke to a solicitor, she suggested I remain in the property with the baby even though he owns it and pays all the bills and mortgage. I paid half of all Bills for 5 months when I was working full time, but then stopped because he tells me to fuck off out his property after every argument and thought what's the point of paying. I also asked him to put me on the mortgage, he refused. I suggested for us to buy a house together when i save enough money, he also refused.

I was going back into full time after maternity leave however, childcare cost are very expensive, my wage wasn't great & he didn't want to contribute to childcare. So, I now have a part time home based job with a very little pay, it only covers my transport fares, baby stuff and food shopping. I work 1 hour a day when my son is napping.

He texted me again, just now asking if I have any plans to leave the property because he needs his space. Baring in mind when I replied the last time, he didn't respond back to me - it's been 3 weeks.

When I started my new job, 2 months ago. He was supposed to help watch the baby on the weekends so I can do more hours, instead he just didn't sleep at home at all, so I had to find friends and family last minute everytime, to help.

I dont know if I should reply it not. The solicitor said I shouldn't leave the house regardless of who pays the mortgage because of our DS. He has a big job & sees me as an inferior because I haven't contributed grateful financially in the course of our marriage.

Has anyone been in this situation? It's probably almost impossible to find a bigger douchbag than him walking this planet tbh.

I feel very stressed and upset about the whole situation as I've done nothing wrong.

Lola0426 Mon 07-Oct-19 15:29:25


NewNameGuy Mon 07-Oct-19 15:31:56

This sounds horrible.

Reply "I won't leave, I live here and am looking after OUR child."

Then I would talk to a shared family member and make plans for divorce flowers

Bluntness100 Mon 07-Oct-19 15:32:52

I think you need to agree to divorce and agree a settlement. As you've only been married two years only your child will be entitled to support. You can look at this on line to what it will be. You will likely have to go back into work full time and sort child care and agree joint custody.

smartiecake Mon 07-Oct-19 15:35:05

Sounds like a horrendous situation. I cant advise legally on the house situation but i do think you need to get support from family and friends. I think you need to think about moving out as it sounds intolerable and you can't stay in that situation things will escalate. He will have to pay maintenance and you can chase this through the CMS. You need to look into other employment options and childcare as ultimately you will end up doing this on your own. Do you get child benefit and tax credits?? Can you get help from family and friends? Emotional help and support to get you out of the situation?

smartiecake Mon 07-Oct-19 15:38:14

I don't think you would have to agree to joint custody as he is unlikely to want it. My sister was in court this year for custody with her ex. He has their child EO weekend. Thats it. Not joint at all. Its what is in the best interests of the child and unlikely your ex would want that level of contact. I agree you will need to discuss divorce proceedings and part of that will a financial settlement

loobyloo1234 Mon 07-Oct-19 15:41:22

He sounds like a dick. Definitely reply saying you are not leaving your and your DS' home. Stay strong - and start speaking to the solicitor about a divorce

ChilledBee Mon 07-Oct-19 15:42:23

I don't think you have the right to just stay in his home.

Hughesallison Mon 07-Oct-19 15:44:11

Tell him to evict you so you can ask for help at the council. I am really sorry what an asshole of a useless waste of space. Start divorce proceedings if you can. Do you have your family around you?

Mummyoftwo91 Mon 07-Oct-19 15:45:11

Why stay? I would leave and get the fuck away from him op he sounds horrible and you deserve so much better so does your son, he's being awful

Tableclothing Mon 07-Oct-19 15:45:42

It's her home, and their son's home, too.

Nanny0gg Mon 07-Oct-19 15:45:50

Why not? They're married.

Get back to a solicitor pronto.

This is emotional and financial abuse

Lola0426 Mon 07-Oct-19 15:46:54

The solicitor said I am entitled to half of his assets, child and spousal maintenance until I find a full time job & can afford rent etc. She also said I can remain in the property until my son is 18 if I wanted to.

I'm so upset by the whole situation especially for my son. I feel guilty for choosing a bad dad for him & hes got to live with the consequences. Baring in my mind, my husband's dad left him when he was 3 & he always used to say he'd never leave his children because it's not great growing up in a broken family & more so, with his horrible step dad. Also, his sister & mum are currently going through a 2nd & 3rd divorce, so I thought he'd know better as he sees how much suffering this has caused them.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack Mon 07-Oct-19 15:46:55

Chilled of course she does, it's their marital home and she is bringing up his child in it.

ChilledBee Mon 07-Oct-19 15:48:52

I know that I own my home myself so if I wanted to kick hubby out, I could. We have other assets that are joint but he isn't on the mortgage here.

Ornery Mon 07-Oct-19 15:49:25

ChilledBee you are completely wrong. As a married woman with a child, she has every right to stay in her home.
Contact the solicitor again and start divorce proceedings.
A friend in a similar position was able to stay in the family home until the child left school as the father has the responsibility to provide housing. As it happened, they came to an amicable decision to sell and an arrangement regarding the proceeds. But no, he can’t make his child homeless, hence the solicitor’s advice to stay put and not leave under any circumstances.

TheQueef Mon 07-Oct-19 15:51:12

He's a prick.
I agree about making him evict you, it also leaves a paper trail of when he made his own child homeless.

tinkerella1 Mon 07-Oct-19 15:51:13

You need to get out of this relationship but not out of the home. Your DS needs it.
Start figuring out what he has financially, what he’s paid and the mortgage and any credit card debt. He may not want to pay for childcare etc but he’s going to have to.
If you can start to build savings of your own do it now.

Find out how much a flat will cost nearby so he can move out and visit his DS while the settlement goes through.

Get all your financial shit together and know your rights then lay your cards on the table.
It might knock some sense into him and make him realise you can’t be bullied anymore.

I’m sure you’ll get masses of more useful advice from those who have been through it. But definitely let your friends and family know what you’re going through and the emotional support you’ll need over the coming months.

Ornery Mon 07-Oct-19 15:52:09

Is your husband the sole caregiver for your child/ren, with no income of his own, Bee? Unless that’s the case, your situation is completely different. And if it IS the case, best not to try and throw him out with the babies just because you don’t fancy parenting any longer.

Lola0426 Mon 07-Oct-19 15:52:18

Thank you so much everyone. I'm too embarrassed to tell my friends. But, I've told my family and they've been very supportive. I've been speaking to his sister lately & she says he thinks I need to go to speak to to sort things out. I refuse as I've done nothing wrong & for once he can try to communicate as he wants the separation & he's inflicted all the let downs on me & the baby.

TheQueef Mon 07-Oct-19 15:56:17

Don't be embarrassed the shame is all his.

HeyNotInMyName Mon 07-Oct-19 15:56:38

Follow the advice of your solicitor.
Dont move out (its going to make your life finacially much harder).
As he clearky cant bear to be in the same house than you and refuses to speak to you, this plays into your favour. Just reiterate that you are not moving out.

I would check with your sollicitor if you can separate and ask for CM (or rather when you can ask for it) and take control of how YOU want to do things. Start divorce proceedings and ask her first what are all the info you need to do so.

Whatever he is deciding to do, the way he behaves is NOT YOUR FAULT. Dont be guilty of 'not finding the right dad for your child' etc.... Its not you, its him and he is chosing the behave that way and not even see his own child despite knowing how hurtful it is.

Ilovefishcakes201 Mon 07-Oct-19 15:56:55

You do realise your husband is abusing you?

FatRambo Mon 07-Oct-19 15:57:26

Tell him what your solicitor has told you and tell him to expect to receive divorce papers and a claim for what you are legally entitled to.

LexMitior Mon 07-Oct-19 15:57:55

Your solicitor is dead on. Ignore ChilledBee - she’s wrong.

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