Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

I am inappropriately besotted

(21 Posts)
ebeneezergoode Mon 13-Aug-07 13:25:28

So tell me, what does one do when one meets a man in the most unfortunate of circumstances and is utterly bowled over but it would be deeply wrong to flirt/suggest getting it on in any way?

I may sound flippant but I am serious.

I met a man at a time when meeting men was not on my mind at all. We were very supportive of one another and have since met up to do other essential stuff and now we will not likely see one another again for months - if ever.

Part of this infatuation could be due to him being a 'tower of strength' and stuff so may be less real than I think, but he appears a wonderful being, is single, we got on great. We talked about everything and could have talked for hours and hours longer.

He's disappeared out of my life just like that. Bugger.

Okay, so, if he was interested then he could contact me but I really don't think he would have been considering whether he liked me in that way or not because he was consumed with a lot of other stuff.

Why can't life be simple sometimes?

Turquoise Mon 13-Aug-07 13:27:02

Why can't you contact him and just keep in touch?

ebeneezergoode Mon 13-Aug-07 13:35:09

I guess I could but because I know I have an ulterior motive it feels a little odd making contact and also a bit obvious iyswim?
We'd certainly be unlikely to stay in touch under normal circs. We knew of each other before but never spoke to one another.

Earlybird Mon 13-Aug-07 13:40:43

Are you single?

Dior Mon 13-Aug-07 13:41:10

Message withdrawn

Turquoise Mon 13-Aug-07 13:43:33

Well, if you bonded over something really serious, and you've been a great support to each other - can you text ssomething alongs the lines of: keep in touch, thanks for all your support, be nice to meet up sometime in nicer circumstances?

As for being obvious - some men need obvious. If you still don't get a reaction, then leave it - but you'll never know till you try.

Dior Mon 13-Aug-07 13:44:56

Message withdrawn

Turquoise Mon 13-Aug-07 13:48:35

Well, on the whole I'd say ice queen treat em mean keep em keen is the approach, but in this case if it was horrible circumstances, then a nudge in the right direction might be appropriate!

Hi Dior, I have a stinking cold but am otherwise dandy thanks - how are you? Cant get on msn atm dammit, bloody pc and broadband nonsense driving me nuts! This laptop is SO slow.

Dior Mon 13-Aug-07 13:49:14

Message withdrawn

Turquoise Mon 13-Aug-07 13:52:55

<Sorry eberneezer - hijack nearly over>
Dior - where is your thread? Want to catch up, but can't find it in relationships?

ebeneezergoode Mon 13-Aug-07 13:53:17

Yes am single (name changer also) and he is single AFAIK.

I might send a text but you are right about obvious, I guess I just have to face rejection because if I hint I know he'll never 'get it'.

Dior Mon 13-Aug-07 13:54:01

Message withdrawn

Earlybird Mon 13-Aug-07 13:58:28

ebeneezer - if you're single and he's single, I don't see what's inappropriate about being besotted.

Why are you not likely to see him again for months, if ever? Does he live elsewhere? Are you in touch at all now?

Turquoise Mon 13-Aug-07 13:59:00

Well you don't have to come straight out and ask him out, just let him know you'd like to continue the friendship! Then see how it goes - it should at least get him thinking along the right lines.

Thanks Dior, found it, off to look.

ebeneezergoode Mon 13-Aug-07 13:59:50

Oh I so don't want to give myself away here.

There was a thread in lone parents about dating and someone mentioned sharking for men at a funeral. Let's say it could be classified as that!

Earlybird Mon 13-Aug-07 14:03:41

How long have you spent with this man? Was either of you the bereaved?

Sorry to ask so many questions, but it's hard to advise when the situation sounds complicated and details are scant.

ebeneezergoode Mon 13-Aug-07 14:10:33

We were both friends of deceased and know quite a bit about one another as a result but we'd never met. I spent the funeral with him (of course) and then went back to his (along with my xdp ) for food and atuff - there were 5 of us there.

Since then I've spent all day with him and two 3 hour journeys just me and him in a van together!

Earlybird Mon 13-Aug-07 14:18:11

Could you invite him out, or offer to make a meal for him to say thanks for being such a 'tower of strength' during a difficult time?

Do any of your mutual friends know you like him? Would it be too 'teenager-ish' for one of them to let him know how much you enjoyed the time and that you'd like to see him again? They could spell it out for him, if you feel strange doing it.....

Btw - you're taking advice from a woman who has been single for years, so feel free to ignore!

zippitippitoes Mon 13-Aug-07 14:19:48

I don't see what you have to lose by getting in touch with him and making it's either that or forget him isn't it?

good luck

ebeneezergoode Mon 13-Aug-07 16:18:13

Thanks. It is a bit of a friendship fecker upper though to get it wrong. And, I hope we might grow a good friendship from here even if not a relationship but that is almost as hard to achieve as the relationship.

Dior Mon 13-Aug-07 16:53:46

Message withdrawn

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: