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I feel like I want out of my marriage

(6 Posts)
catchtwentytwo Mon 13-Aug-07 12:05:12

Sorry, I know there are a lot of threads like this but I am having a lot of difficulty reconciling this situation with what is going on in my head.

I have been married for 5 yrs, have 2 children and things have been going wrong in my marriage for about a year at least. We had a lot of pressure on us last year for various reasons which caused me to become a bit distant. My DH interpreted this that I was interested in someone else and started snooping on my computer activity, generally making life hell for me. He wouldn't come to bed at night and I used to wake up and find him watching me in a creepy fashion. He would also deliberately wake me up at night and he made life very difficult for me, even though I assured him there was nobody else and explained the reasons why I had been distant. I have never been unfaithful to him so he has no reason to be suspicious.

Since then I feel I've stopped loving him as much as I used to. Recently he announced that he knows his behaviour was unreasonable...but he has said this far too late and the wedge has now been driven.

Then last week he said the main thing that keeps him with me now is how I look -- this, after 7 years together - nice(!) So now I feel really peed off about that and wonder what the point of this is.

I feel so angry with him all the time and I don't see how I will ever be able to get close to him again. But he is a really good dad and parenting comes more naturally to him than it does to me and my children would be so upset if we broke up - they love him so much.

What I want to know is, is there a way to solve this and for us to stay together now that I feel that I've stopped loving him as much or in the same way? I want to feel the way I did before but I just don't. And I don't know if I could ever change that now. Is there a way?

beenthroughthis Mon 13-Aug-07 12:38:13

I've namechanged for this.

What sort of things have been driving a wedge between the two of you? Could you not have a serious talk about this? Is he burying his head in the sand or does he also acknowledge that there are problems?

My dh and I have been together for 8 years and just recently we've had to admit that there were problems in the marriage and this nearly lead to an affair on my part. We decided to have counselling over this and I spoke to a friend in confidence about the problems that I was having re temptation from a male colleague/friend who was very persistent. I know that there isn't this element in your situation so you don't need to worry about that bit. But one of the reasons why I guess I behaved the way I did was because you finally find that there are things which annoy you about your partner after being together for so long even if they were the things that attracted you to each other in the first place. Is there anything that you two could do to reignite the spark? We make a point of having a "date night" where we either stay in or plan to go out and just spend time together. Doesn't have to be romantic just as long as we're communicating and not being rushed off our feet with things.

The counselling helped a bit as did speaking to my friend and we've been better at communicating things to each other.

Plus you say that you've been with him for 7 years, "7 year itch" rings a bell. Relationships are hard work. Have you thought about going to relate?

catchtwentytwo Mon 13-Aug-07 12:58:47

Thanks for your reply. A lot of what you are saying makes sense - and yes, the bit about the things you were attracted to starting to annoy you!

We do have time on our own together and I still enjoy his company and we can still have good conversations but I'm finding it hard to get past what he did - it was psychological torture and went on for a long time. I'm still attracted to him physically, but his personality turns me off iyswim - I expect he feels the same about me. The other thing he does is, when I am talking about something and really need him to listen he will suddenly just say "SHHHHHHH!" and then walk off. This really makes me see red and then I just feel like I can't be bothered any more.

I have thought about relate and I guess it might be the only way?

catchtwentytwo Mon 13-Aug-07 14:19:28

bump

catchtwentytwo Mon 13-Aug-07 23:04:54

Anyone else have any experience of this?

boogiewoogie Tue 14-Aug-07 13:55:14

Perhaps you want to join the "Does anyone else feel that their relationship has been a struggle" thread in the same section. Just thought that they were a bit similar and you can share your experiences.

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