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Help, DH is not talking to me

(7 Posts)
hellish Sat 11-Aug-07 14:30:44

HI, my DH is rather prone to 'black moods' which can last a few weeks. Iam trying to break the cycle of how we deal with this.

A few days ago he got up and would only speak to me in monosyllabic answers when I spoke to him, unless he wants to point out something I have done/ not done in the house

Normally i would be unable to stop myself from losing my temper and it would end in a big row, lots of crying etc etc.

I am trying not to give him the attention he seems to be seeking through this kind of behaviour (in a toddler type of way). Would really like to give him "positive attention" but he isn't showing any signs of doing/saying anything remotely nice (or even normal) or even smiling
As he wouldn't speak to me i sent him this email :

Hi, hope your day is going well, I just wanted to say that I really meant it when I said I wanted to help, I know you hate confrontation so I won't pester you to talk to me,, but I am here if there is anything I can do.

and he replied:
I appreciate it. Thing is I feel distant and taken for granted at the moment (at home and work but mostly at work). I am trying to work through the current situation but frankly I am not very happy.

Thanks for the note though.

I may have to take drastic action to rectify things at work but as you have shown in the past ? you are of the grin and bear it opinion so I feel that I cannot discuss it with you.

I am sure it will pan out positively in the end.

sorry for long post, any advice/ ideas on how to move forward would be great

McEdam Sat 11-Aug-07 14:33:49

Oh dear. Can't think of anything constructive to say, sorry.

McEdam Sat 11-Aug-07 14:34:39

Actually, maybe you could email back saying 'why not try emailing me about the problem - if we have difficulty in talking about it maybe email would work'.

hellish Sat 11-Aug-07 14:37:49

thanks for your reply
i was thinking about trying to talk via email.

mumsville Sat 11-Aug-07 14:42:29

Are you worried about the 'drastic'? That could mean taking on a new job.

Give him a big hug and try to talk through how he's feeling. Get him to open up. Also try to tell him nicely how you feel.

startouchedtrinity Sat 11-Aug-07 14:47:39

I keep recommending this book on here, people must think I am nuts, but Loving What Is by Byron Katie has realy changed how I see things and in particular how I deal with problems with dh. If you could get dh to read it it'd probably help him too.

If he doesn't like communicating face-to-face that won't change immediately, maybe not ever. If the e-mail thing works, stick with it.

ib Sat 11-Aug-07 14:50:00

That is a great response from him, obviously he wants to break the cycle too. I would try and encourage him to talk/write about his work problems and when he does try to be supportive.

It's really hard when work is difficult and you feel you can't vent about it at home, if that's the way he feels it's no surprising he gets into 'black moods'

Good on you for trying to break the cycle.

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