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Is my DO having an affair?

(278 Posts)
brightside20 Sat 21-Sep-19 21:40:06

Hello all.

Going through DP phone tonight.

Came across a conversation between them and a long time mutual friend.

They have been talking everyday. 100s of messages.
Some of them are about me. And how awful I am.
Messages about their weekly coffee meet ups.
Multiple kisses on every message.
He's sending a good morning message everyday.
Silly names for each other again used everyday.
Inside jokes.
Some flirty banter etc.

They have similar interests etc. So am I reading too much into this?

TIA. Don't know what to think and panicking.

EssentialHummus Sat 21-Sep-19 21:41:55

Some of them are about me. And how awful I am.

This isn’t on op. I’m sorry, it doesn’t sound great. sad

Ebonyandivory2 Sat 21-Sep-19 21:42:22

I’m sorry but I would not be happy about this and I’m fairly easy going. Kisses are inappropriate and he shouldn’t be bitching about you to another woman. I hate to say it but it sounds like a possible affair. Have you asked him about it?

brightside20 Sat 21-Sep-19 21:43:53

He says they are just really close and good friends.
Never had a reason to doubt before.

OhioOhioOhio Sat 21-Sep-19 21:44:37

Awful. Sorry. But better to know.

Gruzinkerbell1 Sat 21-Sep-19 21:45:43

Emotional affair if nothing else. I don’t text my closest friends every single day, and I certainly don’t send good morning texts to any of them.

bookishtartlet Sat 21-Sep-19 21:46:01

You must have reason to go through his phone. Where has he been meeting her? And deliberately not telling you? I wouldn't stand for those alone never mind him slating you! What did he say? How awful for you.

0lga Sat 21-Sep-19 21:47:27

Yes it’s an affair. Sorry.

bigchris Sat 21-Sep-19 21:49:04

They're into each other

Is he having jokey banter with you when he's always on his phone messaging her ?

I'd send a text to both of them quoting one of the texts saying how awful you are and telling them both to fuck off

brightside20 Sat 21-Sep-19 21:49:15

I was looking for a text with some info on.

They meet in town. He says just friends meeting up means nothing.
The good morning texts and good night messages are every day.
They talk about everything, he compliments her constantly.
After saying goodnight there are multiple messages of just kisses until the next morning.

He thinks it's normal as they are really close friends

bigchris Sat 21-Sep-19 21:49:53

Oh yes , did you know about the weekly coffee?

brightside20 Sat 21-Sep-19 21:50:09

He would mention that he saw her occasionally.
I knew they talked sometimes/rarely but no where near the constant chat going on.

bigchris Sat 21-Sep-19 21:50:53

Oh ok sad read your update, so sorry flowers

brightside20 Sat 21-Sep-19 21:51:19

We don't have banter I don't think.

Looks like they have stupid pet names for each other that they always use and little inside jokes that I don't get.

bigchris Sat 21-Sep-19 21:52:02

*The good morning texts and good night messages are every day.
They talk about everything, he compliments her constantly.
After saying goodnight there are multiple messages of just kisses until the next morning*

Would he be ok with you doing that with a male friend ? Her husband maybe ?

Ebonyandivory2 Sat 21-Sep-19 21:52:12

Nope not normal behaviour at all. That’s how i interact with men I’m romantically involved with. I don’t even speak to my best friend everyday. They are both out of line. So sorry OP you deserve much better

bigchris Sat 21-Sep-19 21:53:01

Also where are you when he's blowing kisses all night long ?

Asleep next to him ? Do you have kids ? This is awful sad

brightside20 Sat 21-Sep-19 21:53:14

Big Chris

She isn't with anyone.

brightside20 Sat 21-Sep-19 21:53:51

Yes upstairs asleep.
4 children and grandchildren

readitandwept Sat 21-Sep-19 21:54:11

I put a kiss when I text friends and family. One kiss. Very occasional two, if I'm feeling very loving or thankful for them. Never ever followed up by separate texts of just kisses. And there's no friend or family member that I text every morning and night.

And texts about how awful you are?? That's unforgivable, whatever else is going on.

But yes, he's at it.

SemperIdem Sat 21-Sep-19 21:54:16

This is an emotional affair at the very least. Sorry op flowers

Cittadina Sat 21-Sep-19 21:55:30

This does not look good, I am sorry - messages after goodnight just with kisses? Good morning and goodnight every day? I have many good friends, very close friend, and we do not do that. That's definitely partner territory.

brightside20 Sat 21-Sep-19 21:55:55

It's the same amount of kisses on every single fucking message.

Cute little nighty night (insert pet name) speak tomorrow followed by kisses.

Nothing physical could possibly of happened

NewStart571 Sat 21-Sep-19 21:55:57

What on earth? He’s taking you for a mug.

The rule I always apply in respect of male/female friendships and whether they are heading into dangerous territory is would the man send the same message to his male friends.

I cannot imagine many men send rows of kisses every night to Dave and Steve from the pub or wish them good night and good morning.

That is actually nauseating and he’s be out on his arse. I’m annoyed on your behalf.

brightside20 Sat 21-Sep-19 21:57:05

She would reply night with kisses. And the prat sends just a text of kisses and so forth.

I just can't believe it. Beyond upset.

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