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Do I tell the husband about his wife?

(187 Posts)
Bailey500 Tue 17-Sep-19 14:03:35

Two weeks ago I found out my partner was cheating... its hit me very hard because we went through so much to be together and built the most incredible house/life together... Then a 25 year old instagram model came along... (im 34) We dont have children but were going to start trying in january, we are trying to patch things up slowly and my feelings are changing daily so not really sure what will happen. But have a burning desire to tell her husband, I have suffered so much and just think its unfair that he doesn't know and that she just gets away with being so reckless! Should I tell him?!

newmefor2020 Tue 17-Sep-19 14:06:21

OP, the insta-model isn’t your problem, your problem is your DH, there’s absolutely no point in being angry with her. And if he disrespects you enough to do it once, he’s very likely to do it again.

LunasOrchid Tue 17-Sep-19 14:07:00

Most people will tell you not to. Keep your dignity and take the high road. But I fucking would. In a heartbeat.

lovelifenow Tue 17-Sep-19 14:07:23

I would tell him, no doubt.

misspiggy19 Tue 17-Sep-19 14:08:21

*Most people will tell you not to. Keep your dignity and take the high road. But I fucking would. In a heartbeat.*

^So would I

fantasmasgoria1 Tue 17-Sep-19 14:09:28

I would tell him, he has a right to know his wife has been deceiving him. I would want to know.

StrikeAPosy Tue 17-Sep-19 14:12:45

I would definitely tell him.

OnlyFoolsnMothers Tue 17-Sep-19 14:13:35

Yes Id tell him....spiteful but worth it.

lickencivers Tue 17-Sep-19 14:13:40

People will come on here and say let it go be the bigger person the problem is your dh etc etc

But I would tell him.

I'd also be prepared to give your dh the shove. You deserve more than that. If you forgive him once he will do it again and even if he doesn't you will never truly trust him again. Been there. We divorced 2 children and 10 painful years later. Horrible man.

Badolddays Tue 17-Sep-19 14:14:36

My first instinct would be to tell him straight away.

NewNameGuy Tue 17-Sep-19 14:14:51

Tell her she has 3 days to tell him or you will.
Then tell him straight away.
Then decide whether to kick your husband out.

I fucking hate cheats

Bailey500 Tue 17-Sep-19 14:16:18

Totally get what your saying, DH has so far done all the right things to put things right. I am still taking my time deciding what to do with him and believe me I am not making it easy.

I am just full of anger at what I am having to deal with now whilst she carries on as normal.

ISmellBabies Tue 17-Sep-19 14:16:45

Yes tell him. He has a right to make an informed decision about his relationship and to know he should be getting checked out at the sexual health clinic, as should you op. Also do not have kids with this cheating arsehole. He's already cheating on you now in the prime of your attractive years. How insecure will you feel once your body is changed by pregnancy, age or weight gain, he's going out without you because you're at home looking after the baby, you'll never be sure if he is where he says or if he's cheating again. Don't do it to yourself, don't waste these precious years.

BlueEyedBengal Tue 17-Sep-19 14:18:58

Tell him, she's two timing him and you know how that feels don't you? She's what she's doing and so does he time for the proverbial poop to hit the fan. Spill the beans and get rid of that stab in the back dead weight hubby of yours he did it once and believe me he will have a taste for it and repeat his behaviour again. Be strong you deserve better thanks

AtillatheHun Tue 17-Sep-19 14:20:19

I told the husband (OW deserved it, and was just as culpable, having insisted on meeting me and my kids and introducing her kids to my husband). Guess what? he didn't believe me, despite some pretty personal details that couldn't have been publicly known. So feel free to say something but don't expect the response you want! (I remain tempted to email him the transcript of their whatsapp messages but he clearly doesn't want to know)

Shoutymomma Tue 17-Sep-19 14:27:04

I’d tell everyone, probably on the side of a motorway bridge.

KUGA Tue 17-Sep-19 14:28:02

Totally agree lunasOrchid .
Great call .

Bailey500 Tue 17-Sep-19 14:28:16

Thanks everyone, Im going to message him

rebecca102 Tue 17-Sep-19 14:29:10

I would for sure grin

booboo24 Tue 17-Sep-19 14:30:41

I would tell too. I'd also want to know if I was being cheated on. I wouldn't give two hoots what your motivation was (spite/anger/wanting to do the 'right' thing) I'd just be grateful someone has the decency to let me know.

saraclara Tue 17-Sep-19 14:31:21

Bear in mind the effect that telling him will have on your relationship when your husband finds out.

I'm not advising one way or the other, but something you might want to consider before sending that text.

Monkeymama1 Tue 17-Sep-19 14:32:22

What an awful situation. I think he should be told though, I would want to know. I think most people would flowers

AddictedProcrastinatorMan Tue 17-Sep-19 14:36:06

Some relationship therapists argues strongly that spouses who cheated and stopped should not confess to their partner. This is because it is driven by guilt and causes a lot of pain to the other.

This man has done nothing to you and has suffered in the same way that you have.

While there is an argument that he deserves to know and you have a duty to tell him, I think it is impossible for you to have a neutral position on this because of your hurt. From your posts, you seem driven tsettle the score with the OW.

I think you should rest on this and then perhaps consider it. Perhaps you confronting the OW about her partner would be better as if he is going to be told, he should be in the nicest gentlest way.

You rish acheiving revenge at the expense of this guy, making him the only person out of the 4 who has not caused an pain.

BumbleBeee69 Tue 17-Sep-19 14:41:25

tell him flowers

Bailey500 Tue 17-Sep-19 14:41:51

AddictedProcrastinatorMan: Thats great advice, thank you

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