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Husband has list of improvements for me in the bedroom...

(64 Posts)
Debbierocket123 Thu 12-Sep-19 15:22:51

We were having a conversation the other day about how one of our mutual friends had cheated on his wife and I jokingly said to my husband that if he had any complaints (in the bedroom) he should let me know and he responded with "I have a list of things!". He said he was joking at the time but I haven't stopped thinking about it since. He says he's happy with me but I get the feeling he isn't... any advice would be appreciated.

BeanBag7 Thu 12-Sep-19 15:25:19

We he doesnt actually have a list does he. He was joking and you started it by suggesting he should let you know.
If he came to you the following day with a written list you would be right to be upset, but I really think you're just reading too much into a jokey comment

Hopoindown31 Thu 12-Sep-19 15:26:01

Sounds like a joke to me. What makes you think he is unhappy?

Debbierocket123 Thu 12-Sep-19 15:28:20

I can't go into details here but when a man gets older, not everything works as well as it used to. He asked me to do a dance for him to help the situation but I can't do that every time. It's making me feel rubbish and unattractive.

NorthEndGal Thu 12-Sep-19 15:28:55

He was joking
If you feel you aren't enjoying it as you would like, then speak with him about how feel

Tooner Thu 12-Sep-19 15:30:46

A bloody a sexy dance?

ArsenicChip Thu 12-Sep-19 15:31:00

Perhaps read some of the replies to your other thread.

AutumnCrow Thu 12-Sep-19 15:31:58

Goodness, another thread in Relationships this afternoon mentioning sex and 'dancing'.

Ohyesiam Thu 12-Sep-19 15:33:21

Firstly it sounds like a joke.
Second, he is trying to get himself to be able to perform, from what you are saying.
Third, it might be hard to hear, but is it so wrong to ask for what we want? Communication is the backbone of all food relationships, and all that.
What aspects of it make you feel like shit?

MorrisZapp Thu 12-Sep-19 15:33:23

This is one of those bits of advice that never work. Apparently we're meant to communicate with our partner about what we like in bed. Invariably what they hear is YOU'RE A CRAP SHAG. So best just muddle through unless it's truly rubbish I reckon.

SherbetSaucer Thu 12-Sep-19 15:37:48

It was a joke. I think you’ve made it out to be a bigger deal in your head because you’re already feeling insecure about things.

It’s OK to have things that are off-limits too. If you don’t like dancing for him then never do it again. It’s tough shit, he’ll have to get over it! You don’t need to give him an excuse either! No is a complete sentence!

Windydaysuponus Thu 12-Sep-19 15:41:26

To save dh's feelings in the beginning I asked jokingly if he had a complaints department! He should be able to explain better if he isn't happy though!
See it as an opportunity to disclose your issues too!

Sheeeeeeeeeeeeep Thu 12-Sep-19 15:47:15

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

SpamChaudFroid Thu 12-Sep-19 15:48:06

I can't go into details here but when a man gets older, not everything works as well as it used to.

Do you mean his winkie doesn't get hard?

And by dance, do you mean something fun like hammertime or sexy like the running man?

Babdoc Thu 12-Sep-19 15:48:54

OP, if your DH is suffering from erectile dysfunction, he needs to see his GP, not ask you to take up pole dancing.
ED can be a sign of coronary heart disease, neurological disease or diabetes, and it needs checking out. It can then be treated with simple tablets such as Cialis or Viagra.
Tell him to make an appointment and get himself sorted. The dancing is an optional extra if YOU would enjoy it. And don’t be afraid to spell out what you would like from him sexually as well.

shearwater Thu 12-Sep-19 15:49:16

It all sounds a bit insecure. If he wants to be with someone he will be, it doesn't matter how much you dance on the head of a pin for him.

PiggyPokkyFool Thu 12-Sep-19 15:55:55

I can't go into details here but when a man gets older, not everything works as well as it used to

Lord OP - how old is he?

timshelthechoice Thu 12-Sep-19 16:02:11

He needs to see a GP if he is having erectile dysfunction.

SolitudeAtAltitude Thu 12-Sep-19 16:03:44

not heard of viagra?

I am now imagining you doing a sexy "Hammertime" dance for him in your PJs, thanks Spamchaudfrois!!!!!

weeblueberry Thu 12-Sep-19 16:04:09

*And by dance, do you mean something fun like hammertime or sexy like the running man?"

Sweet god I just about choked on my coffee...

Durgasarrow Thu 12-Sep-19 16:04:53

What babdoc said. There's a pill for that. And you're not the pill.

TheMustressMhor Thu 12-Sep-19 16:08:49


After two years of suffering erectile dysfunction my DH went to the GP after I had nagged him incessantly and discovered he was diabetic.

Anyway. That's your DH's first port of call. Doctors have heard it all before and are highly unlikely to recommend dancing, either for the wife or the husband.

Mine got treatment for the diabetes and Viagra.

I never did learn to dance.

steff13 Thu 12-Sep-19 16:09:46

sexy like the running man

This made me laugh out loud.

If he's having issues getting/maintaining an erection, he should go to the doctor.

Mrsmadevans Thu 12-Sep-19 16:09:58


AutumnCrow Thu 12-Sep-19 16:10:48

Hammertime wearing an 'It' clown mask usually works for me

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