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Someone else on my mind...

(3 Posts)
BeeMoon16 Wed 11-Sep-19 23:37:34

I am very confused about my relationship and would like some advice...

A bit of background before I begin - I have been with my partner for 8 years.. I had our children very young (18) and now I feel as though I have changed massively in so many ways and am not that vulnerable 18 year old anymore. I have been messaging someone I know from years ago whom I have history with for nearly two years. Whilst we have never met up the conversation is not what I would want my partner to see! I think about this other man almost every day. He has said if I was single things could be very different. If I am completely honest I have fallen out of love with my partner and don't have that omg I love you feeling. I don't want to waste our time not being happy but with having children and a mortgage it would be difficult to leave. I feel I am staying out of not wanting things to change and settling?

Please give me some advice?

Through conversations with friends I feel this is quite a common feeling for those who have been in long term relationships

Xx

Rachelover60 Thu 12-Sep-19 01:09:36

It is, BeeMoon, it's fantasy. If you met him again you might find there is no chemistry but whilst it is only an internet relationship, you can re-invent him however you like, as he will with you.

Be discreet and don't let your husband know, he would probably be very hurt.

I think you'll go off this internet relationship in due course.

You do have to sort out what you want in your marital relationship, BeeMoon, do you stay together or not. You say you have fallen out of love with your partner but there are many types of love and you probably do still love him. The grass is always greener on the other side.

Try to talk to him, telling him how you feel, how unhappy you are and listen carefully to what he says in reply. I don't think any couple should stay together if they are very unhappy, that's a depressing thought, but you and he might be able to work at your relationship. If it doesn't work out at least you will have tried.

wine

StarlightIntheNight Thu 12-Sep-19 07:23:25

Not to sound harsh, but you are young and thoughts are naive (which is perfectly normal when that age). That OMG feeling is just infatuation, a crush, the beginnings of a relationship. That does not last! I think it makes it a lot more difficult to stay in a relationship the younger you start the relationship. But that being said, it is possible. My cousin is happily married and he met his wife at 16. They are now 35. So many people think those OMG feelings gone mean you are not in love, but marriage takes work if you actually want it to last. People fall in and out of love with their spouses all the time in a marriage I believe....but its finding the love again that makes a marriage stick. With time and experience you usually learn that those omg don't last and you work with what you have....but if you get married young, then you don't have much experience to understand this. If you are truly unhappy, you are still young enough to start over and find another love. But think long and hard, as nothing and no one is perfect and after a few years with the new love, you will find yourself not with the omg feeling again...so you will have to learn to work on the relationship etc. So either work on this relationship, but if its not what you want....then start again, but eventually that relationship will not have those beginning feelings...a little sad I admit, as I do miss those first exciting feelings....But I don't miss the uncertainty that sometimes goes along with that excitement!

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