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Emotional abuse

(9 Posts)
Spanckd Wed 11-Sep-19 21:55:32

...has ruined me. I am a shell of a person. I look in the mirror and see a disgusting, worthless woman who doesn't even deserve to be called that. I feel so physically unattractive. I question my every move. I apologise for everything I do. I am terrified of sex or being naked in front of another person. I am broken. He's taken me. He's stolen who I am and I feel like I'm starting all over again. Now I'm expected to be a single mother, and raise a child with confidence and empowerment. How on earth do I do that? Why am I so broken? I've posted a lot recently, but I'm not coping at all with how worthless I feel. I hate that he's done this to me...

Gingerkittykat Wed 11-Sep-19 22:05:16

You feel broken because of the effects of trauma and long term having someone pull you down. It doesn't mean you are broken, more a bit bruised.

It sounds like it's early days of you building a new life, it will take time but you will recover.

Are you having any kind of therapy? Living with those untrue negative thoughts about yourself must be taking its toll on you.

Spanckd Wed 11-Sep-19 22:07:44

It's destroying me. My body image is the thing suffering the most. He hated every inch of my body. I look at myself now and want to cut bits off. I'm on a waiting list for therapy. He sexually abused me too through coersion and guilt tripping. I just don't know how I can ever be happy again

GinAndBubbles Wed 11-Sep-19 22:10:52

You say he’s taken you and stolen who you are... that means deep down you still remember ‘you’ the real you, not who you’re feeling like right now - that’s just temporary, I promise!!

You’re way stronger than you realise, opening up here and sharing your feelings shows you want to work on things and get back to you smile

Call the Samaritans, or maybe another helpline, and book an appointment with your GP. Again it takes strength to admit that sometimes we need a little bit of support to get in track.

You can do this, you’ve already taken the first steps.

Gemma1971 Wed 11-Sep-19 23:08:35

Bless you and huge hugs.

My ex also emotionally abused me, I now believe he was a covert narcissist. He made snide remarks about my body, gaslit me, lied, stole, cheated and more. I never felt as if I was good enough or measured up. That is how he wanted me to feel. Then he would flip back into being loving and deny any wrongdoing. Then it would start again. A very mentally sick man. I know how this feels, as do so many people on this site.

I will not go into any more personal detail, but I urge you to get counselling and as much support as possible and to go no contact with him. If no contact is not possible, then minimal contact and no engaging with him beyond what is necessary for your separation.

Women's Aid may be helpful. Also speak to your GP asap about what has happened and how you are feeling.

YouTube is full of excellent help for victims of abuse. Look for:

Inner Integration
Shahida Arabi
Melanie Tonia Evans
Lisa A Romano
Ross Rosenberg

You CAN get through this. And you ARE a worthy and good person.

For months and months stretching into years I could look at my body without his cutting remarks in my head. When this happens, say out loud "STOP! NOW! I am beautiful, lovable and worthy" Keep doing this until his voice is drowned out and your voice replaces it. Your brain has been programmed to think exactly as he wanted it to and it is NOT THE TRUTH. He made you drink poison. Now it's time to HEAL.

Gemma1971 Wed 11-Sep-19 23:11:21

Peace and Harmony on Youtube is also excellent.

womaninthedark Wed 11-Sep-19 23:13:10

Definitely hang on for the therapy.
Put new partners out of your mind for now.
Focus on being kind to yourself. Daily, be kind to your body, with massage. Tell each bit you love it... you don't have to be perfect, or judge yourself at all, you don't have to feel it at first, just do the words and touch the skin.

ByeByeMissAmericanPie Thu 12-Sep-19 07:47:03

I hear you. I’m in a similar situation with regards to him commenting on my body and often policing what I eat.

However, I am slowly regaining my old self back. He doesn’t like it, but it’s been achieved through therapy, and talking to old friends...

Give it time. And as others have said, treat yourself kindly for as long as it takes. Give yourself time to mend.

noego Thu 12-Sep-19 09:16:10

The identity that you think you are is not you.

You've recognised that he abused you. So you know it is not you. You don't have to believe the words he uttered. They were lies.

Get as much help as you can from Samaritans, Women's Aid and therapy will help a lot.

Try mindful meditation to calm the mind. It is overwhelming you at the moment.

I wish you well. Been there, done that bought the T shirt and I can assure you there is a happier, better life for you and your DC's.

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