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Do I just go NC? Stressful family..

(4 Posts)
Gruffalomom Wed 11-Sep-19 17:23:41

I've been NC with my dsis (my only sibling) for about 2 years now. She is an unpleasant person at the best of times but at the worst simply vicious.

She is very much like my mother who seems to recognise this and idolises her. I try to have a polite relationship with my DM and avoid speaking my mind or getting into any personal conversations.

Recently my dsis has been in bother with police and social services. Her and her DH drink a lot and constantly have police out to domestics. Kids were taken a few months ago and returned under a protection plan that meant her and DH were separated.

My DM has driven me mad making excuses for her. She's run around after her, ditched time with my kids (she never cares for my children but I allow parents to visit) , made endless excuses for her etc. She went so far as to be annoyed with the social workers that there was no childcare provided at the child protection conference which meant she had to step out of the room to care for my nieces and couldn't be there to hold my sisters hand confused

I can understand being supportive - but she doesn't see any fault in my sister. She feels sorry for my sister as she doesn't have any money (sahp, benefits and self employed tax dodging DH), doesn't have any friends or any support (all self inflicted) .

It's been like this my whole life.

Now my DGM is at the end of her life. I've been breaking my back running around to care for her and organise extra support, cleaning , meals etc despite being chronically ill and with kids of my own. As far as my DM is concerned Dsis is entirely off the hook as 'she is dealing with so much..' angry But also so is she as 'she has to be there to support Dsis'

This might be the straw that breaks the camel's back. They've both always been selfish and mean but ffs, do I need to keep them in my life any more?

ellale Wed 11-Sep-19 18:01:49

Don't feel pressured to come back into contact with her. You might be caring for your mother but your feelings are all that count. Feel secure in the decision you made in the past.

lexiepuppy Thu 12-Sep-19 01:35:56

Personally I would go no contact with your mother and sister and I would concentrate on your grandmother and your own children, and above all concentrate on yourself!
Your mother sounds narcissistic and your sister is the golden child, you are the scapegoat. Stay out of their drama, and put yourself and your children

Gruffalomom Thu 12-Sep-19 13:30:24

Thank you both. Yes I think you are right that my mother is narcissistic, I hadn't considered that before it absolutely fits.

Once my Grandmother is gone there is no reason to keep in contact really so it seems a good time to make a break. I'm realising this doesn't make me a failure, that they are flawed and unlikely to change and there is nothing I can do to change it

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