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Do I tell?

(16 Posts)
HullabalooToo Tue 10-Sep-19 23:36:19

So I’ve found out (through a friend) that the partner of a family member has a history of cheating and lying to partners... repeatedly (snapshot from 10+ years ago but beyond that unknown).
Should I tell her what I’ve heard?
Background is that he left his fiancé for family member (so it might not be a huge shock), she’s now pregnant with his child and they are also thinking of relocating an hour or so away from her family to make his work commute easier. He’s significantly older than her. Going out 2 years appx. They seem pretty happy.
No reason to believe he has cheated on her since leaving his fiancé.

MissConductUS Wed 11-Sep-19 00:22:39

No. She probably won't believe you and then you'll be the evil bitch who's trying to ruin her lovely relationship.

I have made this mistake. smile

Iflyaway Wed 11-Sep-19 00:27:17

Exactly.

They always shoot the messenger.

Honeycat23 Wed 11-Sep-19 06:21:53

Hi,
If this man has a history I can understand your concern. But ten years is a long time and people do and can change. If they're happy why throw a possible spanner in the works. Don't say anything, leave them be. If this person is a close friend and say it does happen just be there as a good friend and help pick up the pieces.

siriusblackthemischieviouscat Wed 11-Sep-19 06:27:03

So by the sounds of it he cheated on his ex with ex with your family member is that right? If so then she knows he isn't faithful and while I hope it doesn't happen to her it can't come as too much of a shock to her if it ever did happen. She won't appreciate you being able to say 'I told you so', I'm sure you won't but she might feel that way.

They have been together two years and are expecting a baby so I'm not sure what you would expect her to do with this news?

Michellelovesizzy Wed 11-Sep-19 08:19:51

No.... just been there if it goes wrong

Juog Wed 11-Sep-19 09:04:31

No

glitterfarts Wed 11-Sep-19 12:25:34

I disagree. Tell her before she leaves her family and isolates herself from immediate support.

Mumtotwo82 Wed 11-Sep-19 15:47:06

She knows he cheated on his ex to be with her and as what goes around comes around, she must know there is a risk of it happening to her.

NewMe2019 Wed 11-Sep-19 15:50:01

I wouldn't. There may be reasons he cheated and left those relationships and I don't believe just because he has in the past means he will 100% do it again.

Your family member knows he cheated on his fiance so she is aware. The past before that is completely irrelevant.

SonataDentata Wed 11-Sep-19 20:39:01

I told the woman in a similar situation and she didn’t believe me, even with evidence. He’s still cheating, as far as I know. I wouldn’t recommend getting involved.

MiddleClassProblem Wed 11-Sep-19 20:42:00

No, partly because it’s hearsay, partly because she might already know, and partly because what good would it do?

MMmomDD Wed 11-Sep-19 20:48:02

What exactly are you hoping to achieve?
She is pregnant and they are together. He may have also calmed down with age.
You info is from a long time ago and nothing good will come out of bringing it up.

HullabalooToo Wed 11-Sep-19 21:12:51

Thanks for all the replies.
It would sit better if it was just in his deep and distant past, but with him having cheated on his ex with her...it’s not convincing me he’s not still the same.
But he’s not actually done anything to her, afaik, so I don’t want to simply cause them to fall out for no reason. I doubt she would dump him given the circumstances.
I just feel sad that she won’t have the full picture on him. She’s going to give up her home (a good rental situation) and might not get something so good if / when he does the same to her.
Going to keep my mouth shut I think.

FireBloodAndIce Thu 12-Sep-19 07:57:02

How do you know she isn't fully aware? She was fully aware he cheated with her, so she has a heads up as to his past.

Everafter1 Thu 12-Sep-19 08:18:23

Yeah, good idea to leave it. She's pregnant and doesn't need to worry about what he may or may not do. They've been together 2 years & are happy.

He cheated with her? She must know of his past for sure.
History doesn't always repeat. If he raises any alarm bells of how he's treating her then you could say to her.

One of my friends met a guy and I knew of his past. It was a very short time before his true colours came out. At that point I told her what I knew. I didn't want to taint their relationship or make her feel she couldn't speak to me about things because I had shown disapproval.

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