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Abusive man

(8 Posts)
adayatthebeach Tue 10-Sep-19 20:52:49

Has anyone warned a new girlfriend about an ex abusive man and if so how did you do it? Just that really I hate knowing someone else has to go through it. They don’t change I was the next relationship after his wife and she experienced what I went through. sad

Secondsight Wed 11-Sep-19 23:55:32

They probably wouldn't listen anyway and your ex would probably say you were just out to make trouble. However it may plant a seed of doubt into their minds just tell them by whatever means if you feel you must but what happens to subsequent women you can't save the world.

PumpkinP Fri 13-Sep-19 11:37:55

I wouldn’t. My ex is abusive and has been sectioned twice. I won’t be contacting anyone new he gets with, I’m not going to police his relationships and it isn’t my job to. Let’s face it these men are going to have relationships, they are not going to stay single forever so unless unless you plan on constantly checking up on him I’m not sure how you can warn everyone he dates. And I agree they probably won’t listen anyway. Just move on with your life and forget about him.

loveyoutothemoon Fri 13-Sep-19 13:34:25

No but I would want to know if I was the new girlfriend.

ChristmasFluff Fri 13-Sep-19 17:11:12

If he has a criminal record for domestic abuse you can tell the Police he has a new girlfriend (if you know where she lives) and they will decide whether to inform her. If he is living with her or she has children, they are more likely to decide to inform her.

She won't believe you, because he will already have have told her you are crazy.

AnnaNimmity Fri 13-Sep-19 20:42:04

Don't do it. It will stress you out and you'll be ignored. My ex has attacked more than one woman - including me. He's a danger and I don't know why anyone would risk their children with him if they know what he's like. But they do and it's crazy and puts a whole meaning on bad parent. But maybe they think I'm mad. Or lying. Or deranged. I don't know. Or maybe they think he'll change. Who knows?

I feel very concerned, but the police said I couldn't do anything else even though he''s on the well-trodden road to killing (hands round neck). it's scary.

They won't change, but you'll be made out to be the bad guy.

GilbertMarkham Fri 13-Sep-19 20:50:59

I wish I could and I wish his exes had warned me.

I don't know if he's in a relationship at this time but if I did and I had any reasonable way of contacting her, I would.

(Btw he was not physically abusive, but everything else).

Of course what people have said about him telling her yours crazy and her not wanting to listen or believe it are true however when they see similar behaviour to what you've described - which they will sooner or later - the penny will drop .. and his claim that it's only with them that they act like this and that it's them that sets him off/winds him up will not stand up. I wish his exes had done that and I wouldn't have had to rely on him dropping himself in it with stories about them and on my friends who immediately said "he's acted like this before, guarantee it". You can be so gullible and self doubting when it's you, yet can see it so clearly when it's someone else.

You can even do it anonymously via SM with a temp account.

GilbertMarkham Fri 13-Sep-19 20:51:55

*only with them that he acts like this

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