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Feel like my marriage is falling apart due to our families

(31 Posts)
claudsmunro1987 Tue 10-Sep-19 18:41:31

Do excuse the long post.
My husband and i have had a pretty up and down marriage. We've been together 12.5 years and married 5 years with two beautiful young children. Since we've been married my husband has shown a side of himself i dont like. He's confrontational, outspoken and gets angry at the drop of a hat. Over the years he's grown to dislike my parents ans my family in general. He thinks they are "stuck up their own arses" with too much money and that they're interfering "c***s" because they like to give advice, help financially with the kids etc. What he says breaks my heart and hurts my feelings. There was a huge row a few weeks before we got married which resulted in him telling my dad to f**k off and he nearly punched him which my mother tried to stop. Since then relations between my husband and my dad have been very bumpy. At the moment he doesn't want to speak to my parents because they had s falling out over brexit (differing opinions). I now have to do things separately with my parents and the kids as my husband hates being around them which puts enormous stress on me. We had a huge row tonight because he got pissed off that i spent the afternoon with my mum and dad rather tham him. Its now resulted in us not talking. I said I'd leave him some dinner and he said he wouldn't eat it so just tnrow it and he'd make himself something instead. His family aren't the easisst to get on with and they've caused problems in my family too but i try my best yo get along with them. My husband, on the other hand, just says what he thinks about my family and doesn't seem to care how that makes me feel. He said he wanted to "have a scrap" with my parents tonight just because he was pissed off i spent the afternoon with them. He thinks i should get a hobby instead of seeing them all the time. I only have a very small family so feel like i like to see them regularly to keep that connection. Am i in the wrong here? Advice would be gratefully received.

fantasmasgoria1 Tue 10-Sep-19 18:45:47

He sounds like quite an angry person. He should look at getting some help over all of this. Personally if it were me I would end it because I could not put up with that kind of behaviour. So long as you are not spending every waking hour with your parents then I don't see the issue. They are your parents and of course you and your children will want to spend time with them.

Chitarra Tue 10-Sep-19 18:50:57

I find my in laws irritating. Somehow I've managed to never swear at them or sulk at my DH when he wants to spend time with them. There's no excuse for his awful behaviour.

wheretonow123 Tue 10-Sep-19 18:51:58

That incident with your father before the wedding should probably have been a clear warning to you in advance of making the commitment.

I don't know the full story but it sounds like the relationship is on very thin ice. There is an anger and resentment there that your husband has allowed build up over time against your parents.

We don't have the full facts but, with that in mind, I would be inclined to suggest that you try and attend councilling to try and get to the bottom of it and to see if there is a way to improve the relationship with your family.

AgentJohnson Tue 10-Sep-19 19:42:06

That incident with your father before the wedding should probably have been a clear warning to you in advance of making the commitment.

^ Thus

Boysey45 Tue 10-Sep-19 20:25:35

He shouldn't have married you knowing full well that he couldn't be bothered with all the in law stuff. That's part and parcel of being married. I'd call it a day with him,he sounds controlling and your family are your family and you should have to give them up for him.

madcatladyforever Tue 10-Sep-19 20:29:44

I think your family are more important that this man.
He sounds controlling and is trying to separate you from them.
He is going to make you choose and I don't think you should choose him - he sounds like way to much hard work.

HollowTalk Tue 10-Sep-19 20:32:15

Just out of interest, which way did he vote in the referendum? grin

HollowTalk Tue 10-Sep-19 20:32:50

Life is far too short to stay married to a horrible man.

olllsss Tue 10-Sep-19 20:40:40

Wow what a child. He can grow up and be an adult ffs. I mean youu live with him dont you?
Whats wrong woth spening the afternoon with your parents??

claudsmunro1987 Wed 11-Sep-19 07:43:21

He voted out. Not sure if that's what you were thinking. He goes on about Brexit as if he knows everything.

DriftingLeaves Wed 11-Sep-19 07:48:56

Really there is no joy in being with a man like this. Leave him.

AMAM8916 Wed 11-Sep-19 10:27:08

When you say they offer advice, what sort of advice are they offering?

claudsmunro1987 Wed 11-Sep-19 11:16:39

AMAM8916 They have offered advice about financial matters, work etc. Nothing interfering. They've also helped us out financially with a deposit for our mortgage and a family car. I'm an only child and i think my parents just want the best for me/us/our family. My husband comes from a big family who have never had a lot of money so we've always relied on my family for financial help when we've needed it.

PaterPower Wed 11-Sep-19 12:02:55

Bet he’s never turned the money down though...?

Musti Wed 11-Sep-19 12:39:25

He sounds like a disrespectful arsehole and the fact he voted out cements it.

Bigmango Wed 11-Sep-19 12:45:52

He sounds bloody awful. He wants to have a scrap with your parents? Is he 10? This can’t be the only area of your life where you find him difficult. Has he ever threatened you?

Bunglefromrainbow Wed 11-Sep-19 12:55:48

Sounds very much like your husband has quite severe issues with his Ego. He sounds incredibly insecure about not being able to provide for the family financially but the source of the issues could be something else, it's only that you mentioned money more than other subjects that I've come to this conclusion.

For me it would be ultimatum time, he either seeks help for his fragile ego or I'd leave.

Trying to isolate you from your family is also a big abuse indicator, if he isn't already abusive it could well be something that this behaviour escalates to imo. He needs help, that's clear from just a few lines from you, if he doesn't want to seek help then seriously consider if it's right for your children to be in this kind of environment.

claudsmunro1987 Wed 11-Sep-19 14:07:14

Thank you for all your responses. It is genuinely comforting knowing that there are ladies on here that will give you their opinion on such a difficult subject, no beating around the bush. It would be intetesting to get a man's perspective on this just so i don't feel like im reading too much into it. Any men on here willing to give me their opinion on my husbands actions would be gratefully received too.

claudsmunro1987 Wed 11-Sep-19 14:13:09

PaterPower no he has never turned the money down. But only if he's asked for it. If I've asked for help financially from my family he then gets pissed offabout it. He works Monday to Friday and seems to enjoy his work but never actually seems to have enough money. I work part time so on the days im not working I'll be with the kids but its so costly trying to entertain them all the time. Kids are extremely costly and so my parents help out by paying to take us all tp soft play or to the zoo so that they have something to look forward to rather than being stuck at home. This gets his back up for some reason.

claudsmunro1987 Wed 11-Sep-19 14:15:46

Bigmango no threat of violence or anything like that towards me but maybe more a threat of divorce every time he gets angry about something (mainly to do with my family. Same old, same old).

claudsmunro1987 Wed 11-Sep-19 14:17:54

He has spoken to his family in a disrespectful way too but none of them seem to stand up for themselves which i find strange. He may be 32 but he's not too old for a slap around the face from his mother.

Tooner Wed 11-Sep-19 16:19:21

Wow, so your family are good enough to actually ask for money but not good enough for him to show respect to. I would leave him. He's a prize twat and doesn't deserve you.

Herocomplex Wed 11-Sep-19 16:25:24

Your parents must be quite concerned for you and your children. I’m sorry that you’re in this position, your DH sounds like a difficult man to be married to. Don’t let him tell you what to do, you’re equals and he should respect you.

Aquamarine1029 Wed 11-Sep-19 16:25:42

Sadly, you saw who your husband was before you even married him, but plowed ahead all the same. I'm sure in hindsight you would make a different decision. Now you have to decide if this is how you want to live for the rest of your life, with an angry, abusive, and immature man-child. Make the right choice this time and leave him.

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