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When did you first tell partner you loved them?

(41 Posts)
jaffa678 Mon 09-Sep-19 11:57:40

Hi ladies,

Bit of the back story. I met someone 4 months ago, he’s 9 years older than me and has 2 little ones and I have a 4 year old daughter too. We met online, I had been single for 5months after coming out of 10 year relationship.
We don’t get a lot of time together as we’re both busy with our children / jobs / etc.
I have fell head over heels for him, and I know he feels the same.
When I’m with him I really want to tell him that I’m in love with him as I’m literally bursting 😁 and need to get it off my chest. But is it too soon? I’m scared of his reaction, he told me last night that he ‘likes me an incredible amount’. But I thought I’m going to hold back, we’ve got a nice weekend booked away on Friday. Do I tell him or is it too soon after 4 months.
Would love to hear all your stories about when you first said it/ other persons reaction? And how you actually said it? Feels very alien all this to me.
Thank you.

PennyBlossom1 Mon 09-Sep-19 12:12:54

I was with my DP 3 months when he told me he loved me. I don't think 4 months is 'too soon' because I don't think things like this have to follow set timelines. If you think he feels the same way go for it smile

ComtesseDeSpair Mon 09-Sep-19 12:28:50

Two and a half years after we met. I suppose we just didn’t feel the need to complicate things: we liked spending time together and enjoyed each other’s company but are also lone wolves and very emotionally self sufficient. Saying “I love you” didn’t change much, except I suppose indicating to our friends and families that we were doing a bit more than just dating.

Personally, I think four months in is very soon. You don’t know him yet, only the good side he’s chosen to present to you. You love the idea of him more than the person he is. Hormones and pheremones and excitement are powerful things. But look - it’s up to you. If you think you love him, tell him, just don’t rush in all hotheaded to thinking it means you need to live together / have a baby together / all that jazz.

Spritesobright Mon 09-Sep-19 12:48:56

I think if you're "literally bursting" and he's clearly indicating from what you've said in your post that he feels similarly then why hold back? Tell him!
I think love needs to be spoken in order to grow.
I told my boyfriend I loved him after about 6 weeks. That seems crazy looking back but it was absolutely how I felt and it was lovely to share that together. So I don't regret it at all.
We're coming up to a year now and it's just grown better and better.

Any sane adult is able to realise that "I love you" doesn't mean, "let's move in together and have babies right away." It's a feeling that can be shared and grown and deepen with time.

Newday1 Mon 09-Sep-19 13:28:31

My husband after a week! Me a few weeks later.
My long term boyfriend before this 5 months
The point is its so dependent on the couple.
However I'd be a bit concerned you feel worried about telling him hmm

GlasshouseStoneThrower Mon 09-Sep-19 13:52:23

My husband told me after about 3/4 months and I said it back. I knew from the first day tbh. We spent a lot of time together in those first few months which definitely facilitated our closeness.

If you know how you feel, don't be afraid to say it!

thisnamechanger Mon 09-Sep-19 13:56:44

3 months-ish. DP was absolutely smashed, which is quite rare, and I met up with him with his friend. I could tell he was absolutely bursting to say it and was being all soppy and sending me secret heart emojis. When we woke up in the morning I said; "DP, do you love me?" and he said "Yes, do you love me?" and I said yes.

Sounds like I forced him into it but it was actually really sweet!

jaffa678 Wed 11-Sep-19 12:11:10

So it seems like the 3/4 month mark is pretty common? I may just go for it! Eekk smile what's the worst that can happen (maybe him running for the hills! haha) I think that he feels the same, it's just a really big thing to do. I'm also thinking I wonder if it changes things once its been said?

letsjog Wed 11-Sep-19 13:02:41

Well my DH told me on the first date grin
We did know each other for about 2 years but the timing was never right until it was.

7 years, a house and 2 DCs later I still rib him about it wink

mindutopia Wed 11-Sep-19 17:56:23

I don’t actually remember, but I assume it must have been somewhere around 4-6 months.

We had a very intense start to our relationship and were together probably 5-6 nights out of 7, sleeping over maybe 5 of those nights from just about the day we started dating. We were expats working abroad and we had all the same friends so we were just together all the time, whether it was just the two of us or on nights out with mutual friends.

I didn’t actually consider him my boyfriend though until we’d been dating about 3-4 months, so it must have been after that. I suspect it probably involved a lot of beer!

I didn’t initially think much would come of it, even though we were really close, just because of the temporary situation we were in and that we knew we’d eventually move back to our home countries when our work was finished.

But here we are, 11+ years later, married with 2 dcs!

SomewhereInbetween1 Wed 11-Sep-19 18:01:18

DH and I haven't spent more than two nights apart since our third date. He told me he loved me after 2 months, I told him after 3.

StudentHelp Wed 11-Sep-19 18:02:04

I'd known my boyfriend 5 months but been together officially for about 6 weeks when he said it, I said it back the same weekend.

Casander Wed 11-Sep-19 18:08:39

4 months here too but I knew from the first date it would go somewhere. That being said we went to high school together (I knew who he was because he was popular but I definitely was not popular and he didn't know I existed blush) then we chatted regularly on social media since we were 20, nothing ever came of it and we both married and divorced other people. So it was a long time coming when he finally asked me out for dinner almost 10 years later!
We're now engaged and I'm due a DD in a few weeks.

jaffa678 Wed 11-Sep-19 21:05:02

Aww I love hearing all of your stories. Did anything change once you said it?

SimonJT Wed 11-Sep-19 21:20:31

We had been together about four months when he said it, he had said it a few times drunk before that, he also said he loves cheese more than life while drunk... It took me a little bit longer, I’d been on holiday and I only realised how much I’d missed him when I got home.

Nothing changed in how we treat each other etc, but it meant I was willing to have sex with him, so he’s fairly pleased he said it 😂

jaffa678 Wed 11-Sep-19 22:18:49

@SimonJT haha your message made me laugh. Good that you waited for sex until saying it!

Yogdog Wed 11-Sep-19 22:22:40

5 years and counting. But I am confident we aren't the norm! blush

If you feel it and are also fairly confident that he won't feel pressured by it (or confident in your ability to say it without creating pressure) then go for it. Just prepare yourself to accept he may not be in the right place to say the same quite yet even if all signs are positive.

Leftielefterson Wed 11-Sep-19 22:26:08

I fell in love with my DP after about 4 months but things were complicated. He told me he loved me very quickly but it took me until 15 months.

jaffa678 Wed 11-Sep-19 22:26:22

@Yogdog that’s my only concern. He’s told me he likes me an ‘incredible’ amount and that he wants to be with me constantly but does that equate to love?

NewMe2019 Wed 11-Sep-19 22:31:02

DP and I, about 6 weeks I think. I just knew he was special and he feels as strongly about me. It's just grown more and more. We are now that pathetic, sappy couple who get upset when we have to leave each other and pine. It's a great feeling 😆.

SherbetSaucer Wed 11-Sep-19 22:32:00

Almost a year in and it was more of a conversation that a declaration. We think of the whole saying ‘I love you’ for the first time thing as quite cliché. A sort of social convention/expectation we’ve gotten from Hollywood movies. We both loved each other way before 10 months but it’s more important to show it than to say it.

EmmiJay Wed 11-Sep-19 22:43:40

I'm about to get crass so scroll fast pearl clutchers!

We were shaboinking and it went like this:
Me: Oh my God! I love you!!
Him: laughs Me or 🍆?
Me: You, you donut!
Him: Well good. I love you too!
Us: continue shaboinking

EmmiJay Wed 11-Sep-19 22:44:31

That was 5 months in btw.

SandyGusset Wed 11-Sep-19 22:49:52

You can always dilute it if you're a bit nervous - like: "I think I'm falling in love with you"

womenspeakout Wed 11-Sep-19 22:57:01

*Well my DH told me on the first date grin
We did know each other for about 2 years but the timing was never right until it was.

7 years, a house and 2 DCs later I still rib him about it*

Oh my god, he pulled a Ted Mosby!

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